I Spy Round 2: Ace, King, and Queen
by Koplak from the Equator
Summary: Another round of I Spy. But it ain't get any normal! Tobi and Madara's relative is an alien; Kakuzu falls for the alien visitor; Hidan's got kids; Itachi & Deidara just won't stop fighting and Kisame & Sasori had to suffer. Zetsu...he's still hungry...
1. Here We Go Again

**I Spy Round 2: Ace, King, and Queen**

**-1- Here We Go Again -1-**

"Hohoho…" Madara chuckled darkly.

"Madara, if you're trying to make an impression of Santa Claus, you're doing a seriously bad job." Pein remarked as he pressed his thumbs on the buttons of his new cell phone. Currently, he was texting his girlfriend, Ikari Kanagame. His feet were on top of the three-men-desk.

"I wasn't becoming Santa, you idiot! I just launch my brand new gracious plan! Bwahahaha!!!!" Madara laughed evilly.

"That's better. YOW!!!" Pein yowled as a shoe landed on top of his orange-red hair. "By the way, what are you doing? Or should I change…what's the plan?"

"Behold!" Madara declared and three seventeen inches monitors arose from his desk. Pein squinted his Rinnegan to get a better look of understanding. The three monitors were displaying the same room from different angles. "My new and improved watch-and-learn plan: I Spy Round 2!!!"

"SAY WHAT?!?!?!" Pein exclaimed, in unison with Konan who had been staying silent from the beginning of the story and reading woman's magazine.

"Madara, you're insane! Can't you remember how much damage caused when you first launch the first Operation I Spy? Especially when you spied _him!!!_" Konan rudely pointed at Pein, but the God of Ame didn't really care about the pointing, he was more concerned about the plan.

"Yeah, so?" Madara asked coolly.

"Just what the hell are you thinking?!"

"I'm bored." was Madara's answer. Konan and Pein were baffled. "I wanna have fun, kids, so let me live!"

Konan rolled her eyes, "Why do I have the feeling that this thing will get more disastrous than the last?"

"That's because you're too pessimistic. Now, I wanna enjoy observing Yoru first." Madara said, leaning closer to his monitors.

"Yoru? Why her?"

"Cause she's the newest." Madara cackled.

"Ugh…"

* * *

"Yoru-chan!" Tobi chimed in. "Yoru-chan, everybody's going! Madara doesn't give Tobi and Yoru-chan a mission! We're free! Um, what is Yoru-chan doing?" Tobi tilted his head to the side.

"Making Gundam models. What?" Yoru replied.

"Gundam models?"

"Yeah, I was watching Keroro Gunsou and he seems so passionate with making Gundam models so…I wanna try to make one. Wanna try?" Yoru held up a piece and a grin on her face.

"Sure! Yoru-chan just like big robots, huh?"

"Yep. They're awesome. Just look at my Transformers action figure collection!!!" Yoru stated proudly, mentioning to the displays of robots. There were like fifty or more of them.

Then the Kid Duo started to have their model-making fun time. They flipped through trashes for a missing part and turned the guide around to see where to put what.

"Does Yoru-chan like Barbie dolls?" Tobi asked while working.

"Ew, no. Barbie dolls are for pansies."

* * *

"Barbie dolls are for loving girls, goddammit!!!" Konan yelled at the screens. She sprayed some spit out of her mouth as she roared.

"Whoa, there, woman. Stand down, you don't wanna bust us up, do you?" Madara held her shoulders and sat her on her own seat and then returned to his screens. "I never knew Yoru likes to collect Transformers action figures. Bah, kids…"

"Well, you can't judge a book by its cover, can you?" said Pein.

"Yeah, you got that point right. Like…I never knew cooking marshmallows is a great date." Madara stated bluntly. Pein stood upright, his feet down to the floor.

"YOU?! When did you spy me and Ikari on a date?!"

"Um, I was having my weekly bar drink and I got to see you with Ikari somewhere on a roof, cooking marshmallows and other stuffs that taste good when burned. I didn't mean it, seriously."

Pein groaned, "I knew I shouldna have a date on a _roof_!"

"Stupid you…"

* * *

"Ah, crap!" Yoru snapped.

"What is it?"

"Ame is always raining, even outside the base! I can't paint the model in this weather." Yoru said, her shoulders droop.

"Um…what if Tobi and Yoru-chan play something else? Like Monopoly?" Tobi suggested hesitantly.

"That's actually Kuzu-nii's favorite game, but OK! Rather than have nothing to do! Let's play in the living room!" Yoru rushed out of the room and Tobi followed behind. Yoru waited in the living room, cleaned the coffee table from cookie jars and newspapers. Meanwhile, Tobi went to get the board game in his room. His miniature elephant, Nu-Nu, followed as he rushed outside and left the door opened. They divided the fake money (Kakuzu tend to slip a few hundred thousand in his sleeves) and picked their figure. Yoru was the canon and Tobi was the dog.

Yoru rolled the dice on the table. "I got seven! Your turn!"

Tobi did the same thing as Yoru. "Tobi got ten! Yay, Tobi's first!" And Tobi rolled the dice again; he got to move four steps.

A few minutes later…

"Haha! You pay my hotel in San Francisco!!" Yoru hollered in triumph.

"Aw, peanut butter! Tobi loses…"

"Yayyeah! Victory for Resurrection Girl!" Yoru sat down. "Now what do we do? I don't wanna Monopoly anymore."

"Tomb Raider?" Tobi recommended.

"No, I've done it three times."

"Silent Hill?"

"Boring…"

"Harvest Moon?"

"You gotta be kidding!"

"Kingdom Hearts? Final Fantasy?"

"Blegh, don't like them. And, no, I don't wanna play hide and seek—not when there're only the two of us…" Yoru lay down on the floor in boredom. It was in that position she realized she was hungry. Her stomach grumbled so loud. "Oopsy…"

Tobi beamed at the grumbling stomach, "Tobi knows! Let's eat some Flap Jacks!"

"But Konan isn't here. Well, she is but she's working."

"It's OK! Tobi can cook! Tobi learned using Sharingan!"

Yoru smiled in excitement, "Whoa! You can do that? Cool! Then what are we waiting for?" Then the Kid Duo walked to the kitchen hand-in-hand like good little kindergarten kids. Only if they were five or six inches shorter, that would look really cute.

* * *

"Tobi can cook?" Madara and Konan wondered in unison. Pein was still too busy texting. God! How long does it take to text one girl?!

"I never knew he learned from me. Sharingan is an amazing eye." Konan commented, rewarding her with Madara's smug look. "Don't gimme that look!"

"I know. Especially mine; mine's the best. I can use Amaterasu without have to worry about getting blind like that blind mouse, Itachi." Madara grinned from ear to ear.

"Don't you mean 'weasel'?" Pein corrected.

"HAHAHA!!! That's even better!"

* * *

"It's…DONE!" Tobi announced, shoving Yoru a high stack of Flap Jacks. Her eyes widened with wonder.

"Whoa…" she muttered. "I might need your help finishing this then."

"No problem! Tobi is here to help! But Yoru-chan must get the first bite." Tobi opened his mask and put them aside on the table. "Here's the syrup!"

"Thanks." Yoru scooped almost half of the stack. She really had a lot in common about food with Tobi. One of them was that she could eat as much as Tobi aka she was a mass-eater. She poured a lot of honey on top of the Flap Jacks. "Itadakimaaaasu!" There went the first bite. Her cheeks suddenly rose higher a little in enjoyment. "Wow! It tastes great! You cook like Konan, Tobi!"

Tobi clapped his hands merrily and whooped, "Tobi is a good boy!!! Tobi is so happy to cook for Yoru-chan!!!" he said and gave his partner the biggest hug he had ever given before. Yoru was not disturbed by this. To tell you the truth, she enjoyed it.

"Here, why don't you eat some?" Yoru cut and shoved Tobi his own Flap Jacks.

"Eh? But Tobi cook that."

"Yeah, but I'm feeding it for you." Yoru smiled at him and the boy smiled back before chomping the Flap Jacks into his mouth.

_Ah, wait a minute!_ Tobi shouted in his brain. _Tobi eats from the same fork as Yoru, that means…_ Tobi's temperature rose and his face looked as if he was barbecued alive. He pulled off from the fork and chewed it uncertainly.

"Tobi? You don't like your own cooking?" Yoru asked, perplexed by her partner's redness.

"N-no! Actually, it does taste good…" _Don't mention the fork, Tobi! Don't!_ He made a mental note.

* * *

"Aw, they're so sweet…" Konan sighed, looking at the closeness between Tobi and Yoru through the screen. The surprise was that Madara had cameras in every single place in the base, even the bathroom.

Madara gagged at Konan's statement, "Sweet? I think they're doing PDA!"

"It's not exactly a PDA, Madara. No one sees them."

"What do you call us, then? Gods?"

Konan silenced before pointing towards Pein who was _still_ texting his girlfriend, "He is a god."

Madara shrugged and changed the topic for the lack of better activity. "You know they like each other, right?" he asked.

"Seems like it."

"What if we set them on a date?"

Konan beamed and clicked on her fingers. "That's a great idea! Let's book an Italian restaurant!"

"Nah, I'd rather put them in the ghost house. Yoru will receive tons of hugs from my brother. No, wait! Not that. What if I just use the tricks I use on that gay couple, Itachi and Kisame? NO! That's even worse! Think, Madara, think!" Madara spoke and ranted mainly to himself. Konan squinted and nearly twitched.

"Um, Madara?" Konan asked. Madara turned; then Konan continued, "Are you jealous of Yoru getting hugs from Tobi?"

Madara made a comical annoyed plus dumbfounded expression and snapped, "What do you mean I'm jealous? And how could I yearn for hugs while Tobi is my own twin brother?! That—that would be incest! No way!"

Konan smirked, sending chills to Madara's spine, "Yep, you're jealous."

"Elaborate that."

"You missed Tobi's bear-hugs. Since Yoru joined the club and got partnered with Tobi, she gets more hugs than you do. And not to mention Yoru hardly ever told Tobi to get off of her, unlike you." Konan explained proudly.

Madara sulked. "Touché." he admitted. "And you're jealous of Pein here because he got a new flame while you haven't. Ha! I touché you back!"

The two of them glared at each other. Madara gritted his teeth; Konan twitched in infuriation. "You do jealous!!!" They suddenly shouted in unison. Pein almost dropped his cell phone and eyed at the two in confusion. "You missed the old times! She ruined your life! No, your life! My life's OK! Fuck, stop synchronizing me! No, you stop!" Amazingly, all those lines they shouted were said in the same second and with no signals whatsoever. Fed up, they turned angrily to Pein who let out an intimidated squeak. "Pein, say something!!!"

Pein twitched twenty times as hard as Konan earlier. Finally, after taking a deep breath, he spoken out, "Get a room…"

The statement successfully broke their unison speaking as Madara rushed to the nearest trash bin and threw up. Konan went limp and fell onto her knees.

"D-d-d-don't say that again!!!" Madara hollered furiously. His lower lip was still covered in vomit.

Pein raised his hands in the air, "I'm just saying. You guys have a lot in common."

"Holy mother of—AAAAARGH!!!" Madara banged his head to the wall.

* * *

"Tobi, are you really alright? Ever since I fed you your Flap Jacks, you act timid and shy like this. What's with the change of moods?" Yoru asked.

Tobi shook his head, "Tobi doesn't get it either. Tobi felt really weird lately. Sometimes Tobi felt so upset…" the boy confessed, twiddling his fingers.

"You? Upset? Now that's something we don't see every day." Yoru commented.

"Yeah…" Ah, the god damning pause of doom…how I hate it so much. "Yoru-chan! Yoru-chan! Wanna piggy back on Tobi?" Tobi offered. Suddenly he was back to normal.

Yoru cocked her eyebrows, "What gives?"

"It's a game!!! Tobi is being a good boy!"

Yoru shrugged. "OK! Don't complain if you're not strong enough to carry me. I'm not going to use Gravity to help you out." Yoru said as she jumped onto Tobi's back.

"Oof! Hey, Yoru-chan's not that heavy." Tobi said happily and swing around. "Fast or slow?"

"I think slow sounds good. It challenges you more." Yoru grinned toothily.

"No problem! Tobi is a good boy!"

A few seconds later, they were in the hallway. Yoru and Itachi's room were the farthest room in the base, so from the kitchen to her room was quite far for house standards. Good thing Tobi was still strong enough; he didn't even show any signs of exhaustion.

Yoru looked up and saw something very small but still visible for her. She squinted, "Tobi, you know what that is?" she asked, pointing at the black thing she saw. Tobi stopped and followed her gaze. "See? That thing."

"Hmm…Tobi doesn't know, Yoru-chan. Why?"

"It's suspicious. Wait, does it look like a…"

"Security camera." the Kid Duo spoke in unison. Yoru yelped when Tobi dropped her and that his hands were curling into fist. Little Nu-Nu was staring oddly at her master too.

"Madara…" Tobi hissed. Yoru gulped in fear and pulled Nu-Nu in her arms to protect the mini elephant. Suddenly the boy was already in front of the office where Madara, Pein and Konan were and threw the door open. The handle crashed with the wall and made a small hole on it. The people inside the office jumped; Pein nearly dropped his cell phone again.

"Hullo, Tobi! Is there a problem?" Madara grinned.

"You're Tobi's problem!" the boy roared, much to everybody's surprise, "What do you think you were doing?!" Tobi snapped at his twin and grabbed him by the collar.

"Uh…working?"

"Yeah, working on spying on Yoru-chan and Tobi, that is! Just what the hell are those for?!" Tobi pointed at the three screens on his brother's table.

Madara shrunk. Never had he seen Tobi this angry before, especially not at him! "OK…I spied you…for your own good! It's a, uh…employee observation! We, as the big dudes and dudette, are seeing at how you behave during break times, yes! It's different from last time!"

"And we're looking at how well you socialize with the people in the house." Konan added, Pein nodded in agreement behind her.

Tobi released his ferocious grip. "OK…how was Tobi then?" he asked testing. He was still not smiling.

"Good. Very…socializing and 'close' to the point where I think you wouldn't understand." Madara answered nervously. He gulped before asking _his _question, "Have you been dreaming?"

"What's that have to do with spying?"

"Just answer me! Have you?"

"Yes."

"Is it…wet?"

Tobi jumped, "Huh? Wet?"

Madara nodded.

Tobi scratched the back of his head. He gave a small glance at his partner who was now standing beside Konan, still holding Nu-Nu. He sighed, "Tobi guesses so…"

Madara's jaw dropped; Pein _finally_ dropped his cell phone; Konan muttered, "Omigod…"; Yoru cried, "Holy wet dreams, Batman!!!"

"Hulloo!! Is Akatsuki in here? Yoohoo!!!" a woman's voice called. Her call sort of broke the precious surprise.

Madara's jaw dropped even lower—if possible. "Shit…" he whispered. "Double whammy. Please, not her!!!"

"Who her?" asked Konan.

Before they knew it, Tobi had already opened the door for the woman who called to come in, as well as providing shelter from Amegakure's seemingly unstoppable rain. He cried happily, "Mommy!" and hugged her.

"Mom!!!" Madara shouted in agony and pulled at his hair.

"Mom?!?!" Konan, Pein, and Yoru exclaimed in disbelief.

"Madara! Madara! Mommy's here! Give her a big hug! C'mon!" Tobi called. Hey, where'd the anger go?

Madara sulkily walked to the backdoor where his mom was. Konan, Pein, and Yoru followed only to see yet another astounding truth of Madara's family: _the _mom. She looked amazingly young, as if she was an immortal as well. She also wore Akatsuki's black-red-cloud cloak—only hers was tighter and made her look like Trinity in _The Matrix Trilogy_. Her hair was somewhere between long and short and razor cut. She was as tall as Madara and Tobi (who were around five foot seven or 175 cm).

"Come on, now, Madara. Don't give mommy the Frowny McDowny look!" his mother scolded, swinging her finger. Beside her, Tobi imitated her movement.

"Yes, mom…" Madara changed the frown into squinting and grimacing. Then he gave his mother an uncertain hug, but alas, he still got crushed under his mother's crushing embrace. See the semblance with Tobi…

"Hiya there, everybody!!!" Madara and Tobi's mom waved at Konan, Pein, and Yoru.

"Guys, come down. I wanna introduce my—I mean—me and Tobi's mother. Her name is Nekuro. Yes, she does look like a thirty-two year-old—which was slightly younger than my physique look—but she's two hundred and sixteen years old." Madara said.

"Whoa, an immortal?" asked Yoru, interested.

"No, she's a Truxmessor."

"What on Edward Cullen's name is a Truxmessor?"

"It's one out of twenty seven races in planet Atrox: the thirteenth planet in our galaxy. Their physique will age every six years and seven months. She just turned 'thirty-two' last month." Madara answered coolly and effortlessly, as if he had remembered every single detail of his mother's origin. That made Nekuro so proud she hugged him again.

"Whoa, wait a minute!" Pein interjected. "I thought the genre was Humor/General. Not Humor/Sci-fi!"

"Well, that's what happens when someone (specifically a girl) likes anime/manga, comics, sci-fi movies, gore movies, war movies, politic movies, and cartoons altogether gets hyper and has a huge talent in writing! Now I think you'd better shut up or Ikari will be gone from existence."

"NO!!! Don't do it! OK, I'll shut up."

"So Tobi, is that the girl you've been telling me in the email?" Nekuro asked her hyper-looking son. Her slim finger pointed at the youngest girl in Akatsuki.

"Umh…yeah…" Tobi answered. He poked his index fingers together.

Nekuro's eyebrows rose. She quickly noticed the difference in Tobi's attitude. He always said everything in happy mood, but this? "OMG! Tobi! You're having p—"

"No, Mom, please!! Don't say it!" Madara begged, pulling at Nekuro's bottom of her cloak.

"What? Puberty?"

"AAAAAAAAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!" Madara howled and screamed at the same time. Good thing that there were only the six of them in the base.

"Mommy, what's puberty?" Tobi asked.

"It's a…stage…when you're reaching teenage years. Soon you won't act the same again and started to get angry, happy, or sad easily until you're as matured as Madara." Nekuro answered, trying not to mention the 'specific' part.

"Oooh…Tobi's growing up!" Tobi said cheerfully.

Nekuro patted her son's head, "That's right, Tobi-kun, you're growing up! Finally…" She sighed, glued Madara's mouth together and asked, "Where's the kitchen? I think it's dinner time."

Konan rushed to guide Nekuro to the right direction, "Oh, over here, Madam."

"Please, call me 'Mama', unless your age is above seventy or something. Everyone in here must call me that."

Wait till the others get here…

* * *

**Did I just...yes, I did! I wrote another round of I Spy! I'm so excited...!!!**

**I dunno about you guys, but I'm so liking this 'Madara and Tobi's mom is an alien' thing. I think it's cool, and sort of suit my style of story. And in case you're wandering what their dad look like, he's just a normal human. This extraterrestrial idea I got from watching Ben 10: Alien Force.**

**As usual (but I hardly say it) read and reviews!!**


	2. It's Here!

**-2- It's Here!!! -2-**

"She's your _what?_" Sasori exclaimed.

"You heard me. C'mon, man, I don't wanna explain the whole galaxy thing again!" Madara ranted. He was having a hard time yesterday and this morning he had to explain to almost everybody (excluding the people in the first chapter) about his mother.

"Breakfast's ready!!!" Nekuro pealed. The rest of the Akatsuki peered over at what she was cooking and their mouths started to water—especially Kisame. "Hurry up before it gets cold."

"Isn't it too much, Mom?" Madara asked.

"No, I think it's enough. You never told me your members are big guys! You kept saying they suck or whatever dirty lexicons that were coming out of your shithole." Nekuro ranted, putting her hands on her hips.

"Mom! Zip that chatterbox gob up!" Madara snapped.

The Akatsuki's big boys were about to protest about being called 'suckers' as Nekuro had described but they pulled back the idea when they witnessed the mother and son swearing at each other. That explained where Madara got the mouth from. Then how come Tobi talked so politely? Must have come from the father…

"Mmmm!!!" Deidara exclaimed in wonderment when he tasted Nekuro and Konan's cooking combined. "This is awesome! The cooking was not only different from the usual, but it was also two times as delicious!! Thanks Konan and…Mama!" Deidara waved at Nekuro. Nekuro on the other hand was laughing happily.

"Don't call her 'Mama'! She's mine!!!" Madara hissed.

"Aw, c'mon, Madara! We can share our mom's love to everybody!" Tobi said from the other side of the table.

"Who are you siding with?!"

"Madara! Don't talk like that on the table!" Nekuro scolded.

"Arg…grrrr……" Madara growled. He roughly took the omelet and ate the whole thing. It was not until ten minutes later that the phone rang and bothered Madara's silent eating. "Hidan, get it." Madara murmured angrily.

"Aw, man, why me?!" Hidan complained. Just as he said it, the phone stopped ringing.

Madara glared at the Jashinist, "You're lucky this time, bitch." Madara hissed.

Kakuzu hit Hidan on the upside of his head as he continued to read the morning newspaper. "Can't you just talk less and do more, jackass?"

"Since when you're so loyal to the big boss?"

"Since we learned that we both hate you. Anyway, he has the point. Maybe it's a newsflash about your newborn baby." Kakuzu muttered, flipping through pages.

"Mmh, it's supposed to born next week or so."

"Hidan's married?" Nekuro whispered to Madara.

"It's illegitimate." Madara answered while chewing. "And he's a bi." he added monotonously.

"Cool."

Madara rolled his eyes heavenward. "Aliens…" he mumbled under his breath.

* * *

"Mom, what are you doing here?!" Madara snapped. Pein and Konan swore they saw Madara's hair grew spikier and stood up from his scalp.

"I'm just seeing how my oldest son works. Well, can I?" Nekuro asked forcefully.

"No, you'll ruin my concentration. I need my own Zen, OK?"

"What? You have these two with you!"

"Well, that's because we are the big bosses, I'm being the King! Now if you please get out of my shitty so-called office right now?" Madara told his mother with gritted teeth.

"You're hiding something." Nekuro stated. She leaned closer to Madara and inspected him, discomforting the 'Kingpin' of Akatsuki. Her eyes narrowed, "What is it? Tell me or…you know the rest of the history…. Remember 1920's?"

Madara squeaked and nodded in defeat. He showed the three screens he used to spy the whole base and a few meters outside the radius. "Here! I'm spying everybody in this base, happy? I spied on your 'Tobi-kun' and he suddenly went mood swing and wreaked the door! Do you think after that one I'm going to bucket out to everybody?!"

"Chillax, boy, I'm not going to scold you anyway."

"HA! Then why do you threaten me like Wolverine, huh, Mom?"

"I was only asking to show me what you're doing. Why are you so hot-headed? You sort of reminded me of my grandfather, Sentinel Septuagenarian. Hey, it was his six hundredth birthday last week! He wished to see you and Tobi so much!" Nekuro chattered which was getting on Madara's nerves. Pein and Konan exchanged glances with a sweat dropped on their heads.

"Mom! I don't wanna talk about our extraterrestrial family, OK? I need to work! I'm spying the Swearing Duo right now!" Madara complained. He massaged his temples as he sat down and resumed watching the screens. The room was Kakuzu's but Hidan was there too.

* * *

"Is this right, Kakuzu?" Hidan held up a woman's jumper that has a huge patch on the stomach part. "I can't believe the swollen belly could rip the jumper that easily! Must be a powerful baby she got inside of her! Ooh, my child's a superhuman!" Hidan enunciated with all the pride and happiness he had.

"Must've quite of a profaner too." Kakuzu added, flipping his Times magazine.

"Well, aren't you supposed to be happy? I remember you said about having a new family and yada, yada, yada…" Hidan blabbed that made both Kakuzu and his tigress, Carmen, to get headaches. Kakuzu nodded to Carmen and the tigress smacked Hidan on the back of his head hard. "OW! Hey!!! Kakuzu, your stup—"

Carmen roared, causing Hidan to cower behind Kakuzu's spinning chair. "What I told you about Carmen's sensitive side?"

"Fine! Fine! I'm sorry! Good, gracious Carmen, please let me go!!!" Hidan howled. Carmen felt pleased with Hidan's begging and sat back on her bed.

"And I don't remember saying anything about having a family or something related to that. Oh, the seams are a little too loose." Kakuzu said, still reading the magazine.

"Aw, crap!!"

* * *

"You call that swearing?" Nekuro asked.

"Nah, you haven't seen the last of them. Sometimes they arguments go to physical, and I most of the time don't give a shit. They're both immortals like me, anyway." Madara said almost emotionlessly. That was no fun for him, and he was getting lethargic.

"They're quite a funny duo. Why does Kakuzu kept reading magazines?"

"He's a money addict, that is. But with that, he helps the funding a lot." Konan answered this time, since Madara had lost interest in talking. "He's the second oldest member in Akatsuki."

"Really? That means…"

"He's a year younger than me, Mom…" Madara spoke short.

Nekuro scowled, "Do I have to make a coffee for you, Mister? Just to make you more alive."

Madara directed his black orbs lazily at his mother and answered with a 'Hmm' which meant 'yes'. Pein requested for the same drink and called Nekuro 'Mama' too. That nickname, however, pissed Madara to no end.

* * *

Kakuzu's ears pricked, despite being stored behind the thick cloth that covered the whole shape of his head. He quickly grabbed his dirty clothes and opened his door, throwing all the dirty clothes to Yoru who was by chance flying in front of his door.

"WOAH!!!" Yoru yowled at being attacked by smelly clothes avalanche.

"Thanks a lot, Yoru!!!" Kakuzu shouted as he closed his door.

"What the…? EW! Kakuzu! How long have you been keeping this shit?! Two years?!" Yoru ranted. Um, you won't wanna know what she found.

"No! I don't know! Just do your job!"

"Urgh! Men…" Yoru grumbled. She fumbled with Kakuzu's clothes and decided to lift them all with her Gravity element (handy dandy element, isn't it?) since she refused to kiss Kakuzu's underwear hello. On the way to the Laundromat, she bumped onto Nekuro.

"Oops, Yoru dear, do you need a hand?" Nekuro asked. The word 'dear' made Yoru's skin tingling.

Yoru turned, her smile was still preserved, despite the horrible smell. "No, thanks, Mama! I'm used to this!"

Back to Kakuzu! After he shut his door, Hidan shoved the jumper onto his face. Kakuzu yelped slightly but recovered quickly. "Dammit, Hidan!!! Don't do that again!"

"Bla-bla-bla…how about now? Is it still loose? Please, I hope not."

Kakuzu sighed exasperatedly, "It's perfect…"

"Thank Jashin!!!"

_**BANG!!!!!**_

"KAKUZU-SENPAI!!! HIDAN-SENPAI!!! CARMEN!!!" two children's voice clamored in the room like a jumbo-sized fire alarm. Their voices not just startled them, but various kinds of reactions occurred in the room. Kakuzu's tendrils sprout out of his clothes and turned him into a black Sasquatch; Hidan accidentally ripped the collar part of the finish-sewn jumper; Carmen lost her stripes for a split second. They turned around at the Kid Duo with eyes narrowed and growling; wait, Hidan shouted in horror as he realized he just ripped the jumper.

"Tobi…Yoru…" Kakuzu hissed. He pushed his tendrils back in place before asking through gritted teeth and mask, "What are you guys doing here? And you, little lady, aren't you supposed to wash my clothes?"

"They're in the drier." Yoru answered rapidly. Kakuzu needed three extra seconds to catch up with that.

"We-well…what do you want?" Kakuzu asked fractiously, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

The Kid Duo grinned (Tobi was not wearing his mask. He often to do that nowadays.) toothily, sending 'Oh no's' to Kakuzu's premonition sense. "We want to play!!!" they said together.

"Play with yourself, would you?"

"Ah…we did yesterday! We want to play with Kakuzu-senpai and Hidan-senpai and Carmen!!!" Tobi begged, giving adorable puppy eyes towards the way-older Akatsuki member. Beside him, Yoru followed giving puppy eyes.

"Please, Kuzu-nii!!!" Yoru begged.

Usually, Kakuzu could just slam the door in front of their faces, but as time goes by, he found it hard to do it again and again. Not with _her_ giving puppy eyes too! Kakuzu dropped his head and shoulders in defeat. He sighed tiredly, "Alright…what do you kids wanna do first?"

Blink.

Blink, blink.

Blink, blink, blink…

"Hello?"

"Good question, Kuzu-nii! That's why we came to you!" Yoru replied.

"Ai-ai-ai…" Kakuzu rolled his eyes before thumping his head once to the door frame. "Lemme guess, you guys did Monopoly; Artistic Duo went to a mission; Quiet red-and-blue Duo went to the nearest dango café…that left only me and Hidan…"

"The Swea—" Tobi spoke, but was stifled by Kakuzu.

"Don't say it, boy. Oh, well step in and let's have some fun…whatever that is…"

* * *

Madara banged his hands on the table loudly. His eyes ogling at the screens widely. The banging of his hands against the wood of the table startled Konan and Pein. Pein had to drop his cell phone—this time he used it to play some games. "Goddammit!!!" the vivid haired 'God' exclaimed.

"What's wrong with you? Don't surprise us like that again, sheesh!" Konan scolded.

"They're playing something…" Madara mumbled.

Konan shifted to see the screens and squinted one of her eyes. "Yeah, so?" she asked, rather carefully.

"They're playing Scrabble! I wanna play with 'em!" Madara rushed out of the room. Then he slammed the door open and ran quickly to Kakuzu's room, doing the exact same thing as what he did to the office's door.

"Poor guy." Konan mumbled.

"Move! I wanna reprise my position even for only a while!" Pein exclaimed and hopped onto Madara's 'throne'. "Ooh…it feels good. Though, I never knew Madara would have such a fuming ass! Just feel the chair!"

* * *

KABLAM!!!

"Now what?" Kakuzu cursed under his mask.

"Wait! I'm joinin'!!" Madara yelled and sat next to Tobi. "I'm so damn bored in the office! Hey, Hidan, you're not playing right?!"

"No! Because of these brats, I have to sew the jumper again!" Hidan ranted.

"Sorry!!!" said Tobi and Yoru in unison, making the two elder ones to wince.

"So? Who wants to go first?" Kakuzu asked after the four players had picked their first eight letters. "Or should we do paper-scissors-stone?"

"Madara can go first since he's the oldest. Then Kakuzu-senpai then Yoru-chan! Tobi will be the last since Tobi is the youngest! Heehee!!" Tobi said, grinning with kindness.

The other three players plus Hidan ogled at him strangely. Kakuzu leaned to Madara and whispered, "What on burning chili hell is happening to your doppelganger brother?"

"The 'P' word." Madara answered, rather louder than Kakuzu's whisper.

Hidan heard what he said and exclaimed in surprise one thing that had been hanging in his head for nine months, "Pregnant?!?!"

Madara groaned and face-palmed; Kakuzu somewhat automatically threw a broken brick to the silver-haired Jashinist. "Not pregnant! Tobi is not Arnold Schwarzenegger in _Junior_, ya idiot!! Anyhow, he's a boy!!! If any it should be…" Kakuzu trailed off and forced out a cough. "Never mind that! Just shut the fucking shithole of yours up!! Do it or I will!!"

Hidan shrugged and continued sewing. Kakuzu's five hearts were pounding really hard, remembering what he wanted to say earlier but he successfully pulled back. He glanced over to one of the youngest member who in missions tend to wear a hoodie. The rich man sighed, and silently cursed at himself and Hidan.

* * *

Pein snorted. "You see that? Kakuzu almost embarrassed himself!" Finally, Pein couldn't keep his face straight and broke down laughing.

"Even though he didn't manage to say it, but he's right. Actually, it should be fine, but Hidan's a perverted mind. So…it's kinda dangerous to mention that our little new girl can get the 'P' word." Konan added.

"I never knew Kakuzu tend to have weakness in little girls."

The cell phone rang for like a hundredth time for the day. Pein pulled it out of his pocket and texted his girlfriend again. Konan rolled her eyes, "How many times in a day do you have to text Ikari?" she asked rather irately.

"She's sick! She needs my company!" Pein retorted.

"You spoiled her."

"No, she wants me to text her."

"Then she's spoiled."

"Take that back, woman!!!"

* * *

"Kuzu-nii, your turn." Yoru reminded.

"Oh boy…" Kakuzu whined and started to think about what he could make from letters C, A, D, R, Z, T, Blank, and N. It took him five minutes to figure the word out. He picked four letters and arranged them into a word and using an-already-available letter K. "AHA!" he exclaimed. He spelled the word CRANK.

"Your turn, Yoru-imouto." Kakuzu said, returning the nickname just for the hell of it.

"Looks like it's not only me and Tobi that are _kyoudai._" Madara remarked. By the way, _kyoudai _means siblings.

"Speaking of which, how could your mother know about Tobi? I mean, you and this little orange brat here were just split personalities who often talked at each other mentally until you made that silly mistake and got separated. Did you tell her through email or something?" Kakuzu asked. Yoru was thinking, but she was also listening.

"Well, before I explain something, Mom came a few weeks after Tobi and I got separate bodies. She had no time to visit the base—which was good. Then, after I showed her Tobi…she told us she'd known Tobi longer than I do." Madara said. The room suddenly stopped doing activities: from waiting for turns, thinking, or even sewing.

"Really?" Hidan asked.

Madara sighed, "OK, this could get very weird. I was born in my mom's home planet, Atrox. There, I wasn't born alone. Tobi was there too; so he _is_ my twin brother. But then since I'm the dominating twin, Tobi was born in a very frail physique and couldn't last even for a year. My mom, a kind soul was she, wanted Tobi to live somehow. So using Atroxian advanced technology, the doctors _transplanted_ Tobi's soul and personality into me. Hence, when I was a kid, I often to see visions of him and talked to him. I thought he was my imaginary friend—"

"Like Bloo, Coco, Wilt, and Eduardo!" Tobi cut.

"—but he's not! He stayed talking to me for a very long time; even as I reached adulthood, gained immortality and joined forces with Senju, he was still in my mind. But after I fought Senju and lost, he somehow disappeared from my mind. Not until I came with the idea of creating a surprise member for Akatsuki did he rang the bell. Then…you know the rest of the history." Madara winced slightly at his listeners' reaction which was mainly gaping. Even Konan and Pein who were few rooms away from there were gaping. "See…it's weird. Totally. Weird."

Kakuzu shook his head and tried to make sense things a bit more. "So I guess, after you lost against Senju, Tobi was like in comatose, is that it?"

Madara scratched his chin and nodded. "Yeah, I guess you can put it that way. And…I think that's why his mind was deformed…he was supposed to think like me."

Tobi cocked his head to the side, "Tobi's OK! Look! Tobi can put his legs behind his ears!!!" Tobi did the said stunt and spin around. Madara face-palmed in discomfiture.

"Yep, he got mental damage." Kakuzu agreed.

"Damage! That's it!!!" Yoru suddenly shouted and started to arrange the letters using Kakuzu's CRANK's A. The word DAMAGE was spelled. "YES!!! Your turn, Tobi!! By the way, Madara, as weird as it is, your story is kinda interesting."

"Thanks. I found it interesting too when I heard it from Mom."

The phone rang again. Madara glared at Hidan who was about to complain again when the ringing stopped. Hidan sighed in relief but Nekuro's voice destroyed it. "Hidan, there's a call for you!!" Nekuro called from the kitchen where the telephone was.

"GAH! I just hope it's not an activist…" Hidan grumbled as he made his way to the kitchen sullenly.

"Tobi got it! S…U…G…A…R!!! Yippee!! Tobi spells SUGAR!!" Tobi cheered, bringing Yoru and Madara's arm up with his.

"Thank goodness Itachi isn't here." Kakuzu added gingerly.

Following Tobi's cheer, Hidan's overjoyed voice resonated from the kitchen and banged throughout the hallway and into the rooms. The four Scrabble players, Konan, Pein, and Nekuro covered their ears and winced.

"What did I tell you about shutting up?!!" Kakuzu hollered angrily, popping his head out of his door frame.

"It's here!!!" Hidan kept yelling, ants in his pants. There was a streak of tears on his face.

"What or who's here?!" Madara asked, standing beside Kakuzu. It was suppose to be his turn arranging the letters but he had asked for a time-out.

"My child! It's a she!!!"

"A girl? What's her name then? God, Madara! I'm having a niece!" Kakuzu half-excitedly shook the older Uchiha's shoulder.

"Hillary Wuff!"

Kakuzu's excitement drained out of him like toilet water being flushed; Madara snickered at the name. "Hillary Woof?" Kakuzu asked in skepticism.

"No! Wuff! W-U-F-F!!"

"What fuckin' name is that?!" Kakuzu criticized brusquely, hitting upside Hidan's head with his hardened fist. "Hillary is OK, but_ Wuff?_ Somehow Duff doesn't sound so bad!!"

"Well, it's my child so I get to name her! You can't do anything, Uncle Kuzu!"

"Hey, check this out!" Madara declared, "W-U-F-F stands for 'Wow, you fucked a female!'"

Kakuzu roared in ecstasy and bent over to the door frame, holding his side that was starting to cramp. "Nice one, Kingpin!!"

Hidan frowned and pouted, "Bah! Since make it like that, I guess I'm gonna change her name. I still have fifty-nine names to choose!"

"Oh, yeah! I'm gonna have some coffee. Tobi, Yoru! Don't cheat on my turn!!" Madara headed to the kitchen and Kakuzu followed a few seconds after that. "Wow, you sure are happy."

Kakuzu gave Madara a thumb-up and took a deep breath to stop himself from excessive laughing. He turned to the kitchen and for the first time saw Nekuro on close up (all this time, he was too busy looking at his magazines). His tummy suddenly felt very ticklish and his five hearts beat very inharmoniously with each other. His surroundings seemed to change into a gold mine and there was a god damn huge gold right in front of him. "Ho…" he muttered in daze.

"How was the laugh?" Nekuro asked with her usual soft and friendly tone and smile. "You must be hungry from that hard laugh. I made brownies, want some?"

"Sure, uh…Mama…"

"Um…I think you better don't call me that. You're too old to call me with such childish call." (_Don't you just want us to be kids, Mom?_ Madara asked in his mind as he stole the first piece of the brownies.) "What if you just call me…"

"I'd call you 'Hime' if that's OK with you." Kakuzu said intoxicatedly.

Nekuro giggled, "Very well! That's very sweet of you!"

Madara's coffee sprouted from his nose; he turned awkwardly to his mother and Kakuzu. His face showed his fear of the biggest nightmare in NXK's Narutoverse. _Sweet?!_

**There's alot of story happening during the making of this chapter. One of them is me keeping myself humorous even when I was in Emo mode. So that's why the first half of the story sucked.**

**NXK: Um...Madara? What're you doing?**

**Madara: (points a knife to NXK's neck) review or this woman die...**

**NXK: Hey! Hey! Why do I have to die? I'm your mom!!**

**Madara: As a matter of fact, no you are not my mom. My mom is Nekuro Bita-Uchiha. The crazy old young-looking woman that came last chapter! You're no longer my relative.**

**NXK: But I am still. See, I created your mom so that makes me...**

**Madara: Grandma...shit... So there's no point of me sticking a knife to your throat!!!**

**NXK: Yeah, I know. Sorry for that. But you can stick it to someone else. Someone that the readers and reviewers wouldn't want to see him/her die. (wink, wink)**

**Madara: (nods) Oh...wait a sec. (comes back with Itachi and Deidara threatened to get hanged) Review or either of these two will die!!!**

**NXK: Actually...I was thinking of Tobi.**

**Madara: Hell. No.**

* * *


	3. Glasses? No Need!

**-3- Glasses? No Need! -3-**

Madara's mind was scarred. What the hell was that yesterday? In dinner time! _**In front of him!!!**_ Then he lost the game Scrabble, and Hidan kept asking names that sounded good to people's ears since the list of names he owned didn't help at all. And Tobi suddenly gone very pouty before bedtime and snapped at him a few times until the two ended up in a wild mouth war.

Oh, I guess you kinda clueless there. Here, I've got a quick flashback!

_**Flashback initiated**_

"Hey, Kingpin." Kakuzu called Madara who was frowning and scowling after being locked by Hidan in his room in order to help the masochist choosing and thinking of a good name for his daughter…and son…and daughter…and son. In total, Hidan got a quartet. Surprise! Surprise!!

"What?! Can't you see I'm in a bad mood?" Madara replied tersely, but Kakuzu didn't pay any attention to that.

"Does that woman really is your mom?" Kakuzu asked, his eyes were unattached from Nekuro's ever-motherly-smiling face.

"Yeah, she is. Can't you see the semblance? Or should I show you my birth certificate? Wait, but it's in Truxmessor language..."

"Damn, then she is one fuckin' sexy, smokin' hot momma." Kakuzu said, leaning his arm further to the table. He sighed softly, "She's shinier than the cleanest, sparkliest ruby in the world, and she's priceless!"

Madara could feel the hydrochloric acid climbing out of his throat. He coughed roughly, "Kakuzu, you stingy faggot! You're in _love?!"_

"With Nekuro-hime…"

'_Dun-dun-dun-dun'_ went Madara's brain. He twitched and hic, "But-but…he's my _**mom**_!! Where are you gonna put my dad? You seriously wanna date a married woman?"

"Your dad's long gone, right? So that makes her single again." Kakuzu answered effortlessly, he didn't even bother glancing at his crush's son.

"By the name of Edgar Allan Poe, Kakuzu! Please! Don't do this to me! Don't become my dad! You're younger than me or WAAAAY younger than Mom! So please don't!!!" Madara begged. He thought he found a counter attack and used it on Kakuzu. "But she's not a virgin anymore. She'd kissed and humped with someone else far before you came to my life!"

"Do you think I never fucked a woman before? We're the same, boy."

Counter attack failed. Madara swore he was about to cry.

"What's her favorite flower?" Kakuzu asked; again, he ignored ninety percent of the world's concern—including money (le gasp!).

"Fake, wired roses and orchids with orange perfume scent. Why?" Madara smacked his forehead half second later. "Fudging stupid Uchiha!!!"

"Thank you. I'll start shopping…" Kakuzu rose from his chair and headed outside the base. His steps were light as if balloons were tied onto his back and ready to lift him up to the sky. In short, he was skipping all the way to the flower shop.

Madara chased him, but was too late. "Kakuzu, NOOOO!!!!"

_**Flashback complete**_

Madara stood upright from his bed. His head was spinning, heavy, and painful—the ultimate version of a headache. He strolled off out of the room and decided to hang around the base's rooftop, his favorite place to go Emo. The sky was still dark and he was aware of that. It was still three in the morning, two hours earlier than Tobi's wake-up rooster schedule. The time when Pein sleeps or unconscious was the only time Amegakure was not smothered in infinite rain. The rain will turn into wind storm when Pein was angry or upset. Thunder storms happened when Pein was in ecstasy or happy or in love.

Madara brought his iPod with him and listened to Metallica. He hoped that hard, metal songs could make his feeling much better. Then the track changed into Disturbed, _Indestructible._ "Great…" he muttered very silently, "just when I'm being destructed by my own family…"

He sensed the presence of someone coming to him. He opened his eyes slowly and saw his own face staring at him. "What do you want, Pumpkin Face?" Madara asked, using his unhappy rough tone. That made him sound like Christian Bale's Batman.

"Madara wake up early, is there something wrong?" Tobi asked innocently, sitting beside his twin brother.

"Where should I start…?"

"Uh-huh, Madara is having a bad mood. Here." Tobi shoved him a big Toblerone.

"What the…?"

"Chocolates make people feel better, especially Itachi-senpai!" Tobi grinned.

Madara emotionlessly took the Toblerone, opened it and chomped the first triangle. The nougat sort of stuck to his teeth but he managed to remove them. "Thanks." he mumbled.

Tobi circled one arm around Madara's neck before pulling him to a big hug. Madara was to protest but Tobi cut him, "Konan-chan said Madara needs a hug! So here Tobi gives a hug!! Don't worry, Madara! Tobi will always remember you!"

Madara decided to let him hug him; he sort of missed this anyway.

"Can Tobi have a bite?" the kid asked. With no protest this time, Madara shoved the Toblerone.

"You can't believe what was happening to Kakuzu." Madara said and ate another bar.

"Mm-hmm. Kakuzu-senpai likes Mommy."

"Yeah, how suck is that?"

"Tobi thinks it's cute! Kakuzu-senpai is a rather lonely man, maybe Mommy can cheer him up!" Tobi pondered cheerily. His answer made Madara yanked his head away from his arm.

"I thought you disagreed!!!" Madara whined.

"Why? Don't Madara like it?"

"I would if it's not our _mother_ Kakuzu's have a crush on! Think, Tobi, would you like Kakuzu to be your step-father?" Madara inquired heatedly.

Tobi gasped SpongeBob-like and his voice turned into a baby's whimper, "Madara, is that really?!" Tobi asked, a slight horror in his voice.

"If they do get serious. This is dangerous, Tobi, we must prevent this from happening!!!" Madara punched the air with flaring spirit.

"Tobi likes Kakuzu-senpai, but having him as Tobi's father is a crime!!!" Tobi replied just as spirited as his brother but he stopped and asked, "Tobi thought Mommy likes Monsieur Piment from Cadaver city! Madara knows, he's the guy that speaks with French accent!"

"There, they know French accent as Cradven accent but, yeah, I remember him. Though his accent's a little bit of getting on my nerves. So, you're with me?!"

"Yeah!!!"

The twins high-fived early in the morning, distracting a guard dog from their neighbor's house. The dog barked at them but the two of them were too busy to think at how to keep Nekuro's feelings away from Kakuzu.

* * *

KRAKOOM!!!

"EEEEKK!!!" Tobi squealed and hid behind Yoru's back. He and Yoru were once again had to stay at the base. Yoru was bored but Tobi, who has plans to do with Madara, was not bored at all. Instead, with the thunderstorm, he was out of his nerves.

"Hey, you're OK there, buddy?" Yoru asked.

"Why is there has to be a thunderstorm…?" Tobi wailed.

"Chicken." Deidara stated.

"Says the person who's afraid of chickens." Yoru added, smirking.

"Hey, shut up!!" Deidara snapped.

"Ugh…Pein must've gone to Ikari's place again." Madara ranted, resting his forehead on the table. "And since it's thunderstorm…great…. He's having _fun._ Now there's only the two of us." Konan squeaked in somewhat fear. Madara raised one of his eyebrows at his vice's assistant. "What? C'mon, you don't actually think I will abuse you, right?"

"Actually…" Konan muttered, but Madara cut her off.

"Shut up. Just…shut up. I have no taste in women with _blue_ hair, anyway."

Konan glowered at Madara and paper knifes were hovering in front of the Uchiha. "You better take that back, Mister!!!"

"Where do you get that dye? Circus clown utility shop? Oh! Were you in a circus when you were a kid? What were you? Juggler clown?" Madara grabbed the stationeries and began to juggle them, whistling circus tune as he did so.

Konan was so hot on her collars, you could see the heat waves coming out of her head. Her face was flushing as more paper blades hovered in the air. "You're so dead!!!"

_BANG!!!_

"Is it just me or has there been door-slamming activities for the last three days?" Madara groaned. He popped his head out of his office.

"Everybody, move!!!" Kisame shouted. Everybody in the house went wide-eyed as Kisame sprinted to Itachi's room with the owner carried on his back, electrocuted and fried. Deidara and Sasori had to restrain Zetsu from going berserk because fried Itachi smelled _very, very _delicious.

"Let me go!!!" Zetsu begged. "Us want food!!!"

"Dude! He's part of our club!" Deidara bellowed.

"What's up with Itachi?" asked Hidan. In reply, Madara shrugged.

* * *

"Ow…ow…ow…" Itachi groaned when Kisame put some of Yoru's healing salve on his electro-fried injuries.

"I don't know what's going on with the lightning. Were we too high in the sky?" Kisame wondered, ignoring Itachi pained yelps. Yoru—who was there since she was the holder of the healing salve—kept gasping every time Itachi yelped.

"Were you guys on a skyscraper or something? There's no way a lightning would zap you if you're low on the ground." Yoru asked. "Dammit, Itachi! Stop scaring me!!"

"No, it was only a three-storey building…nothing more. And if it would zap someone, it should've been me! I'm, like, six inches taller than Itachi-san." Kisame continued to ponder upon a logical theory of zapping lightning.

"Kisame…" Itachi moaned through his burnt painful mouth.

"Yes, Itachi-san?"

"Can you…take me the Mars Bars, please?" Itachi asked, pointing at the drawer.

"Oh sure! Anything to make you feel better." Kisame left the healing to Yoru while he was busy searching for the said Mars Bars. "Gow…where the hell is it?"

"Over there." Itachi said. His voice had sounded back to normal due that his mouth was recovered.

"I can't find it!"

"Not in the drawer, you idiot! It's on top of it, behind the stupid Tom and Jerry glass statue Deidara bought for my birthday last year!" Itachi yelled, his patience on a thin line.

"Oh! I found it!"

"Gosh! Even I can see it from here!" Itachi ranted.

"Come again?" Kisame asked, awkwardly turning and one eye squinting. He exchanged glances with Yoru who was as puzzled as he.

Itachi rolled his eyes. "I said, even _I_ can see it from here!" After he finished talking, he noticed that Kisame were frozen (and his blue skin made it even more meticulous). Suddenly, he heard a suppressed squeal and when he turned, he found Yoru with eyes bigger than watermelons and sparkling with sappy tears. Kisame was stammering.

"HE SEES FROM A DISTAAAAAANCE!!!" Kisame boomed out of nowhere. Itachi's ears felt like crushing down as his partner shouted. Yoru let out the squeal and dashed to the whole base, yelling like a drunk Navajo Indian chased by wolves, "Itachi can see! Itachi can see!!!"

Kisame pounced on Itachi, somehow forgot that he was supposed to apply the salve on the remaining injured half of his body. He pulled Itachi to a bone-crushing hug. Sooner than a minute, every member of Akatsuki barged into his room and carried him outside to celebrate the amazing recovery. Tobi called Pein on the phone about it.

"Just what the hell's happening?" Itachi asked himself.

* * *

Madara massaged his temples. _Things just won't get cricketty silent here…_ he complained in his mind. He noticed that Konan was out to come join the celebration—which was just a lunch with many sugary desserts.

Sugar… Madara zoomed away from his office to the dining room and kitchen. Tobi waved at him, "Madara! Great timing! Sit down and eat!!!"

Nevertheless, Madara didn't sit down and eat; he raided the refrigerator and took all the Coca Colas, jelly beans, bubble gums and white chocolates. Those were four sweets that could cause sugar rush madness to his brother. He threw them to the nearest window, knocking on random people as the things he threw fell on them, and sighed in relief. He glared to his men who cowered behind the bigger ones, "Somebody better get me something or I'll spoil the fun!!!" Madara shouted angrily.

The rest of Akatsuki began rushing to get Madara something which they didn't know what. Madara was in a big bad mood and usually he wouldn't appreciate anything. While they were busy giving Madara food to make him better, Nekuro smiled softly behind his oldest son's back. She, as a mother, knew why Madara threw all those sweets away. She sat beside him and circled her arm around him. "You're not just an authoritative devil, you know."

Madara huffed, but he and his mother were aware that he was blushing slightly. "I hate it when you do that."

"Aw…"

"Mom!"

* * *

_An hour later…_

"Nobody changes the channel!!!" Itachi shouted at Deidara who was five feet away in front of the sofa he was sitting on. "Gimme the remote…" he hissed.

"No way, man! The show sucks!" the blonde complained and hid the remote inside his cloak.

"I said GIVE IT TO ME!!!!" Itachi shouted in tantrum. He stomped his feet on the floor like an angry Sumo wrestler.

Deidara received looks from Kisame and Sasori that said, "Just give it before we die, dude." Deidara pouted and stood up. "Here!!! Here's your fucking remote and please ENJOY your mother fuckin' stupid _Lipstick Jungle_." Deidara growled and tossed the remote to Itachi in jet speed. To his utter anger and disappointment, Itachi could catch it. Usually, the remote would smack his forehead and made a big bump that lasted for weeks.

"Thank you. Now, is there anyone else demanding for a protest?" asked Itachi.

Sasori, Kisame, Tobi and Zetsu—who was watching Lipstick Jungle since they had nothing to do—shook their heads. Tobi stood up, bringing suspicions to Itachi. "Um, um…Tobi will help Yoru-chan do the laundry. Ta-ta!!"

Itachi wolf whistled and the others snickered. "I just noticed. All THESE fun sights were going on and I can't even see what was happening! Crap, my life sucked. But now…since I don't need my bug-eyed watching glasses anymore, I can watch Lipstick Jungle with ease. Zetsu! Move away!"

"Yeah, yeah…since when he's so talkative?" Black Zetsu silently nitpicked.

"Let the boy live." White Zetsu said to his darker half.

While watching, Itachi opened his thirtieth Milky Way and slotted it in to his mouth. He froze and pulled the Milky Way out of his mouth. He nudged his partner, "Kisame, I think there's something wrong in this Milky Way's ingredient. It's tasteless!"

"Are you saying it's made of plastic? It looks real to me." Kisame inspected the Milky Way before taking a bite for a test. "Nope." Kisame said, still munching. "It's OK." Kisame was then confused by Itachi wide eyes. "What?"

"Nothing! Nothing…so…really? You still can taste the milk?"

"Yeah. There's nothing wrong with it."

"OMG…" Itachi gasped.

* * *

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE STAYING OVER, WRETCH??!!!" Madara yelled at the telephone. Pein called him a few seconds ago from Ikari's house.

"_Weeeell… Ikari lives alone here and her neighbor's a bitch and wouldn't help her so…"_ Pein sighed,_ "I'm the one who has to take care of her. Please, Madara! Her fever's getting worse!"_

Madara's face was set straight. "Lie."

"_I swear I'm not!!! Please, Madara-_sama, _I'll be back before you know it! Maybe…tomorrow night or the next day…?"_

"The problem is, you feminist son of a female Chinese restaurant tail-wagging mongrel, her apartment is only _**FIVE BLOCKS **_away from our base! Yet, you said you had to stay over!! PLEASE, by the love of everything's divine, tell me why you can't just go from here to there? Was she _that_ vulnerable? Oh, maybe because you text her TOO much!"

Silence. Madara was sure he won the argument. Pein was usually easy to defeat, so he wouldn't really worry about losing.

"_If Konan is sick and is meters away from you, will you stay at her place or go back-and-forth to her place?"_ Pein finally manage to ask.

Madara twitched. "What does that have to do with me?"

"_C'mon, big guy, just answer me…"_

Madara growled; how he hated when people brought this up. "If there's something happen in this base which even _I_ can't solve, you'll find yourself in hell with me sticking hot red trident to your 'you-know-what', savvy?!"

"_YEESSS!!! I-I mean…yes, I, uh, savvy that."_ With that the two big leaders of Akatsuki hung up. Madara sighed heavily and holding his head using one hand, he headed to small fridge on the corner of the office.

"So, what does he say?" Konan asked.

"He's staying over to check on his 'sick' girlfriend and probably won't be back until three days later. So, Clown-Head, you will have to take over his job. I'll have my mother cover yours." Madara said before crouching. "Now…should I drink the sake or gin?"

"C'mon, Madara! Pein is a kind guy at heart. Well, maybe not towards his enemies, but when it comes to girls that are not part of the people he's supposed to kill he could be very sweet." Konan said, resting her feet on what it was supposed to be Pein's chair.

"Blech…it can't be as sweet as…wine!!!" Madara held up a dark purple bottle and opened it using the cork available as a fridge magnet. He swallowed the whole drink right away from the bottle. Only he and Kisame liked wine.

Konan rolled her eyes.

* * *

"OMG…" Itachi gasped.

"Yo, you said that before Madara's yelling-on-the-phone interrupted." Sasori stated. "What's up?"

"I can't taste!!!" Itachi squeaked in horror.

"You gotta be joking…right?"

"Do I look like I'm joking?!" Itachi snarled.

"Umh…you always look like that…"

Kisame pushed Sasori away and asked, "By that, do you mean you can't tell whether this thing is sweet or sour?"

"Yes! And this is bad!! What's the pleasure of eating chocolates when you can't taste them and let them melt and stick in your mouth?!"

Kisame scratched his head. "There's gotta be something wrong with your…systems, whatever that is. Sasori, you're the anatomy expert, explain something." Kisame said to the red-head puppet master.

"Sorry, but what I mean by anatomy expert is puppet anatomy." Sasori answered nonchalantly.

"God…" Kisame face-palmed.

"HAHA!!!" Deidara suddenly cackled and held a salad bowl full of…uh…salad in his mouthed hands that were forgotten to use when I'm cracking something. "Revenge tiiiiiiimeeee!!!!" Deidara said in a sing-song voice. He dragged Itachi and slammed him to the coffee table, his chin touched the surface of the table. "Open thy mouth, jackass…" Deidara pushed a spot behind his neck that automatically made Itachi lolled his tongue out.

"AAAH!!! Kihame, helhp!!!" Itachi shouted still with his tongue thrust out.

"Wait! I'll take my Samehada first!!!"

"Oo don' need it!!!"

"What do you mean I don't need it? It's essential!!!"

"BLAAAARGHH!!" Itachi felt the tomato being placed onto his tongue. He may not be able to taste it—which was good since he hated tomatoes—but he could feel the wet sensation from the tomato and the smell of it. Deidara was laughing in triumph and shoved more tomatoes plus broccoli, and other vegetables that were destined to be mixed in one vegan cuisine called 'suh-lahd'.

"EAT THIS!!! You said salad is Satanic, huh? Well, you're wrong Mr. Diabetic!!!" Deidara hollered, still giving veggies to poor mistreated Itachi Uchiha.

"I'm not diabehic!!!" Itachi bellowed desperately. It's hard to talk when you have your tongue out, isn't it?

"I can't hear yoooouuuuu!!!"

Poor Itachi. I promise I'll give you a better life if you let me set a date for you and Kisame. But, hence, for the remaining of the day, Itachi tried to get zapped by a lightning again; hoping that it would made his nose unusable instead of his tongue.

Wanna know the result?

After all night long waiting for a lightning, Itachi finally got one. He was once again fried, causing Zetsu to go vulture again. And…ladies and gentlemen…he succeeds! Now he can taste, he can see, but he can't smell. Wait, but then if you can't smell how you can taste? Oh well, the wonders of fiction!

* * *

**There was a huge writer's block going on when I wrote this, but I'm happy with it. And...yeah...Madara loves alcohol. I need something that would make him look really bossy other than his yelling and stuff. I was considering cigars, but cigars cause polution while beers and its kin don't. Glass bottles are recyclable and they don't cause polution when you drink them. In case you're wondering, I am a green supporter. So please review! By reviewing, you reduce the ammount of CO2 by one percent! That's enough to make the earth feel better!**


	4. Cosplays!

**-4- Cosplays! -4-**

Madara snickered devilishly. Tobi cowered behind Mr. Nay-nay, his blue bunny, for protection in case Madara wanted to hit someone. "I've got it…" he hissed.

Tobi gulped, "Got what, Madara?"

"Our marvelous plan. To keep Kakuzu away from Mom."

Tobi's face beamed, "Really?! Cool! Can Tobi know what it is?"

"Later. Oh, Tobi,"

"Si, Madara?"

"Since when you speak Spanish? Oh, what the hell…when was the last Comic Con?" Madara asked, flipping his table calendar.

"Yesterday."

Madara stiffened but then his muscles relaxed faster than it stiffened. "Tobi, grab some crayons and colored A4's. We're going to work tonight." Madara commanded. Tobi saluted before dashing to his drawing stationery.

* * *

The Akatsuki (other than the twins, that is) surrounded the shout-out board—the board that was usually full of mockery and false accusations. For example, two weeks ago, Deidara posted a note saying 'Itachi never brushes his hair!' and the next day Itachi paid back by saying 'Deidara is jealous of Itachi Uchiha's silky black hair and blamed at himself for cannot have the same hair as the magnificent Uchiha prodigy.' Or take a look at Madara's little black joke: 'I like big butts and I cannot lie! Regards, Hidan the bi-gender.' However, this time it was not for that mischievous matter. There was a flyer from the half-alien Uchiha twins. It said:

_Hear, hear (or read, read) to all Akatsuki members!_

_My brother and I (c'mon, you oughta know which one of us was talking) are bored. Well, I am, he doesn't. So we agreed (wow, you see that? We _agreed!_) to have a private party in the base. Why in the base, you ask? Well, according to Tobi, Zetsu might eat people in the way if we had a party outside the base so here we are!_

_And it's not just normal party, people! Due to yesterday's Comic Con and we missed it, we're having our own cosplay party! Hurrah!!! So it's gonna be this Tuesday! Note that, bitches!! Join or be sirloin! What the hell was that? Sirloin…?_

_Be whatever you want or you like! Oh, and it's in the living room seven p.m!!!_

_Regards, Madara Uchiha and the chaotic handwriting of Tobi._

**Crickets…**

"You gotta be kidding me…" Itachi mumbled. "Cosplay party? At home?"

"That's what it says." Kisame added.

"Whoo! Finally that elderly fat-face knows how to have some fun!! I gotta be ready!" Deidara exclaimed full-spiritedly. Suddenly, an orange blur snatched the blonde to a room and shut the door and locked it up. "What do you want with me?!?!" Deidara shrieked from the room.

Sasori turned to his comrades who shrugged and ignored what was happening inside the twins' room. Usually it was either something funny or a wickedly semi-humorous torture prank. "Come on now, people! We have a party to attend!" Kakuzu clapped his hands and told the others to return to their rooms.

* * *

Some of the Akatsuki went out to buy some things for their costume, but others stayed at home. Probably because they had already got everything they needed. One of those people was the Quiet Duo, or should I say Itachi and Kisame. Kisame put light yellow face paint on him, turning his blue skin into green. He wore moss green pirate outfit that were torn and rather soggy. He put real octopus arms on his face, around the jaw line and the chin. Do you know who does he cosplay as? Yep! It's Davy Jones!

He cackled in satisfaction as he finished putting the last octopus arm onto his face. "Ha! How do I look, Itachi-san?" Kisame turned to his partner.

Itachi smirked, "Murky. Just like your favorite character."

"I just need to work on my accent. Aren't you putting too much make-up on your face?" Kisame asked.

"I am, but I need to." Itachi put a lot of powder on his face so that his face wasn't so pale-colored. He also put concealer on his stress lines, making Kisame slightly blush at Itachi's new look. "One last touch." Itachi said and donned a yellow wig on top of his jet black hair. The wig was long with a high ponytail on the top and one long bang covered his left eye. "Tara!! Now how do I look?"

Kisame laughed hysterically and high-fived Itachi. "You're so like Deidara!!!"

"It's to payback what he did to me yesterday." Itachi smirked evilly.

The door knocked and Sasori poked his head in. "Guys, I just wanna—PFFFT!!!" Sasori snorted at Itachi's look.

"Really cool, eh?" Itachi asked. "And you…?"

"Oh, yeah, who are you?" Kisame asked.

Sasori didn't do anything to his hair, but he put on an excessive amount of eyeliner and eye shadow, creating a pair of black rings around his eyes. His outfit was dark red and he carried a gourd on his back. "Yeah, I'm being the Kazekage."

Kisame snickered, "Great idea. Hey, is anyone outside?"

"I suppose I'm the first one. Well, besides Konan and Madara, that is. Konan seems not to join the costume party but still coming anyway."

"Does Pein join the party too?" Itachi asked, walking towards the door.

"I heard Madara talked to him and he said he couldn't come. Too bad, he's gonna miss your performance. Hey, Deidara has two lips on his hands."

"Got that covered." Itachi opened his palm, showing Sasori two red lips made out of Konan's lipstick. "Pretty, huh?"

Sasori snickered, "If this party has a winner, it would be you." The three went outside and to the living room where Madara and Konan were busy placing the drinks and food. As soon as Madara's eyes dawned upon Itachi, he couldn't keep a straight face at all. Madara was wearing quite heavy outfit and a thick mask with two pointy ears on the upper side of the head. He was becoming Batman. No, not Adam West's Batman, but Christian Bale's.

"Where's your brother?" asked Kisame. "And I thought you gonna wear a suit and become Kingpin."

"Tobi's busy with Deidara. He wants him to wear the same theme as he. And, no, I hate suits. Speaking of suits, my mom wears one." Madara replied as he put another bottle of wine on the table.

"Your mom?"

"Go Go Gadget Skates!" Nekuro exclaimed and she rushed to the living room, acting like she did wear a pair of skates. Madara grimaced; out of everything, why did she have to become Inspector Gadget?

"Your mom's got sense of humor." Kisame remarked.

"Not for me."

"Oh, everybody's here!" Zetsu said. His appearance made all the people who were in the living room to gape. Well, believe it or not, Zetsu wore no Venus Flytrap! But then he wore fat cushions on his stomach with Scottish villager shirt on top of it. On his head, he wore a band with two trumpet-like ears on the side. "Aye! Shrek is here!"

"No way!" Kisame chortled. "Is there anyone here wears anything weirder?"

"Wait till you see Kakuzu and Hidan. Hidan's really funny, I mean his costume was like…colorful."

"Talking about me, are ya?" Hidan's voice interjected. Everyone roared in laughter as soon as they saw how…colorful Hidan's costume was. Mainly it was bright blue, but he got some orange on his mouth and his arms were covered in feather. He was becoming Zazu from Lion King. "Yeah, yeah, keep laughing…"

"Your kids are gonna love it!" Madara remarked, smacking Hidan on the shoulder. His arm was then pulled by Kakuzu who came with Hidan and Yoru. "Whoa, what are you supposed to be?"

"What's Nekuro-hime wearing?" Kakuzu asked briskly.

"Inspector Gadget. No, believe me. And you haven't answered me!"

"Men In Black. Isn't it obvious?"

"Obviously regular. Listen here, punk, if you did anything to my mom, I swear I'm gonna rip all your five hearts away from you. Or worse: I'll find someone else immortal and twice as chatty as Hidan." Madara threatened.

"But I still can dance with her, right?"

Madara thought about it and nodded. "Dance's OK."

"Madara, where's Tobi?" asked Yoru.

"He should be out around…"

"Sorry for waiting, everybody!!!" Tobi's voice chirped from his room. His costume caught everyone's attention, since it was sickeningly bright orange and…bouncy. "Tobi is Tigger! Bounce, bounce, bounce!!!" Tobi hyperly jumped on the floor.

"Bring Deidara with you?" Madara asked.

"Yep! But Deidara-senpai won't come out. Senpai, come out!!! Everyone's wearing a weird costume!" Tobi called, pulling somebody's arm. The owner of the arm was hiding behind the wall. "Madara, help Tobi!"

"Deidara, come on out! No one's gonna bite, I promise."

"But my costume is a blasphemy!!" Deidara yelled.

There was a snort coming out of Madara's mouth. "No, you haven't seen everyone's costume. Now get out before I throw all your clays to the middle of the ocean!" Madara snarled. He was indeed the king of threats.

Deidara grumbled and sulkily showed himself up to the others who immediately doubled over due to the hard laugh they have. The reason why they were so tickled was because Deidara's costume was…pfft…Winnie the Pooh. Perfect with the round yellow belly and the cropped (or was it too small-sized) red t-shirt.

Sasori had the hardest laughter. He laughed so hard that Kakuzu, Zetsu, and Yoru had to guard the tables and chairs, since Sasori tend to destroy things when he was laughing too hard. "Somebody give him honey!!!" Sasori bawled frantically.

"Shut up, Dana!!"

"Yoohoo! Look who's here!" Itachi crab-danced in front of Deidara.

"AAARGH!!! I don't remember I'm a cosplay-able person!!" Deidara shrieked.

"It's custom made! Look: 'Art is a kablamo!'" Itachi made a silly impression of Deidara and held up his lipstick hands. That one really humiliated Deidara—the real one. Everyone laughed even harder at that.

"It's 'bang'!!! Not 'kablamo'!" Deidara shouted and chased Itachi, but with his puffy legs, he fell.

"Look at the bright side, Dei!" said Madara, "At least Tobi didn't force you to be Barney the Dinosaur."

"Easy for you to say…" Deidara sulked.

"Well, since everyone's here, let's start the party!" Madara thrust his fist skyward and the others followed. Soon the music was played and the disco ball somehow glided down from the ceiling.

The first thing Tobi raided was the snack bar. Itachi took that as a sweets-eating competition and tried to eat as much sweets as he could. Madara and Kisame toast their wines together. Kakuzu tried to flirt with Nekuro by talking simple conversations—simple but binding. Deidara sulked on the sofa while Sasori kept nagging on him. Konan had provided Zetsu Toes Chips, made from _real_ toes.

Tobi felt he had enough sweets, to Itachi's victor. Anyway, Madara would beat him to bits if he ate too much cakes and/or candies at night. So to make the sugar go down, Tobi the Tigger took a seat beside his partner who had been watching the Artistic Duo nagging and insulting. "Hi, Yoru-chan!!" Tobi greeted, waving his humongous orange paw.

"Hey, Tigger. Resting your bouncy stomach?" Yoru asked.

"Yep! So…what's Yoru-chan supposed to be? Tobi seemed to see Yoru's costume from Madara's comics but Tobi couldn't remember."

"It's Raven from Teen Titans!" Yoru grinned under her Raven's cloak that covered her head.

"Oh, yeah! That's right!" Tobi laughed and Yoru followed suit. Just then, Kisame fell sitting beside Yoru. That made her sitting between the boys.

"Hello, there, Cap'n."

"Why don't you become Wonder Woman instead?" Kisame asked, sipping his wine. He chuckled when Yoru frowned.

"I never knew you have a perverted mind…" Yoru muttered.

"It's not perverted. It's just one way to impress _someone_." Kisame nudged the Raven-costumed Yoru.

"Shut up or I'm gonna shove you shark fin soup."

Gaara Sasori walked to the radio that was attached to four giant speakers. He stopped the song that was playing (Tiesto's song, whichever that is) for a while and searched for a song he thought would be good. "Hey, what if we play the songs in our iTunes?" he suggested.

Tobi was the first person to respond to Sasori's suggestion; he stood upright, raising his orange paw. "Sasori-senpai! Spectacular, spectacular!!! Play that one!! Deidara-senpai, let's dance!!" Tobi tugged Deidara's yellow arm, forcing him to stand and dance with him.

"NOOO!!! Not that song!! Dana!! Don't you dare!!" Deidara screeched but soon Hidan's arm locked his other free arm.

"C'mon, dude, that's my favorite song in our iTunes too!" Hidan said, grinning devilishly to his blonde comrade.

"OK, here we go! Wait for me!" Sasori followed the dancing people and locked arms with Tobi. Soon enough, they started to dance Cancan, kicking their feet to the air. Tobi, Hidan and Sasori sang the song together. The song didn't last long; it was only three minutes or so.

"Hey, hey, someone play it once again!" Hidan called to the non-dancing people. "Guys, let's sing it our version! You know, the version with Pein in it."

"Ho-ho! If that's what you're singin' I'm coming with ya!" Madara laughed and joined the Cancan group. "Hey, Ita—I mean, Deidara, play the song for us! Ready?"

The song started again, and Deidara (the Winnie the Pooh one) was starting to enjoy it, especially that they were changing the lyrics into Akatsuki's version of it. As Hidan had mentioned, it contained insults about Pein. In this version, Hidan and Deidara sang it, since they were the one who came up with the parody.

"_Leader-sama, Leader-sama, he shows a lack of performa! He can only give orders, you'll be dumb in confusion!"_ That was only a part of it, it would be too long if I had to write the rest of it. But to shorten the story, the Akatsuki had fun parodying the song using Pein's name. Hidan as the master of mockery laughed the hardest at his own joke.

"Whew, Tobi's thirsty! Ooh! Is that Cola?"

"The Zero one. You know I'll never let you touch the regular one." Madara said as he poured a drink that was way fizzier than Coca Cola. Of course, it was beer! The song changed into something more beating. Madara recognized this one as Nickelback's _Something in Your Mouth._ It was not really a dancing song, but the Akatsuki didn't give a damn. "Wow, somebody's got taste in rock!" Madara remarked as his head followed the rhythm of the music. "Aw, drat!" he suddenly swore.

"What?" asked Tobi.

"Kakuzu really mean it. Look: he danced with Mom!!"

"Madara let him?!"

"I thought it would be OK…"

Tobi shrugged, "Oh well, Tobi will ask Yoru-chan to dance with Tobi!!" He bounced his way to the couch where Yoru sat beside Kisame before he left dancing Cancan with his senpais. He froze when he found that his best friend was not on place, so did Davy Jones, I mean, Kisame. He whipped his head around only to found that Yoru was on the dance floor with Kisame. Tobi's heart sank, _Looks like Tobi's late…_ he thought soberly. He sat on the couch, his chin on his palm as he continued watching his partner danced with someone else's partner.

Madara spotted Konan leaning to the wall, a glass of beer in her hand. He approached her, "You came without costume and you just stand around doing nothing. Are you a party castaway or something?" Madara asked naughtily.

"I just only want to see the fun." Konan replied. Madara noticed the slight difference in her smirk but he kicked the idea away.

"C'mon, dance with me." Madara stretched out his gloved hand towards her. Konan responded by raising one of her eyebrows. "The other ladies are dancing, why don't you?" Madara added, smirking at the end of the offer.

Konan scoffed, "Madara, please—"

"Ah!" Madara cut her off and pulled her wrist. "Don't make excuses with me, lady. You know how much I hate excuses."

"Speak for yourself, Batman. You used a lot of excuse yourself." Konan retorted.

"I'm an exception." Madara smirked and brought himself closer to Konan as the music slowed down, courtesy of DJ Deidara and DJ Hidan.

Not only Madara and Konan, but Kakuzu and Nekuro were getting closer too. Madara saw that as a threat and with swift moves, he drove himself along with Konan to a place where he could kick Kakuzu's ankle slightly.

"What?" Kakuzu asked tersely.

"I have a mission for you tomorrow. Come to my office at nine in the morning." Madara muttered, his eyes glared at his masked minion.

Kakuzu glared back gingerly but nodded anyway.

Itachi sat beside Tobi with a heavy sigh out as the music gone slow-beat. He burped silently from all the sweets he ate. "So, Tobi, got your dance partner stolen?" he asked.

Tobi nodded. "Yeah, Tobi was not fast enough…"

"It's OK. It's not like they like each other, but...I dunno. In the dance floor, anything could happen." Itachi stated bluntly.

With that statement, Tobi stood abruptly. He made his way to the dance floor; to where Yoru and Kisame were. When Kisame leaned his mouth to whisper something to Yoru, Tobi picked up his speed and poked once or twice on Yoru's shoulder.

"T-Tobi!" Yoru stammered.

Tobi said nothing, but he scooped Yoru up from her legs and rested her on his arms. "Hey, what's the big idea?!" Yoru exclaimed. A second later, they vanished; not with a poof or anything like that, but they just vanished. Tobi used to cannot use teleportation jutsu, but after long training with Madara, he finally could use it.

Kisame turned to look at his partner on the couch. He scoffed and shook his head, heading to the snack bar. "Itachi-san, you really did it." Kisame muttered.

"What? What did that boy do to my brother?" Madara asked, still dancing with Konan.

"I'm not really sure, but something from his mouth must've triggered Tobi to do such a thing."

* * *

The orange-masked kid let his partner down as they arrived on Yoru's room. Yoru pounded on his chest lightly, "Just what is wrong with you?! I was just dancing with Kisame!"

"Yoru-chan seems really close with Kisame-senpai…" Tobi spoke meekly.

"Well, I've been here for a few months now. It's normal if I'm close to anyone, especially my partner. What? What is it?"

"Tobi felt like Yoru-chan won't want to play with Tobi anymore…" Tobi trailed off and rubbed one of his arms awkwardly.

Yoru's eyebrow rose, "Is this jealousy I'm sensing from you?" she asked.

"Jello-what?"

"Jealousy. Were you afraid to see me hang out with the other guys or something?"

Tobi was reluctant at first, but he finally nodded, admitting it. Tobi jumped slightly when Yoru laughed suddenly, but then he tipped his head to the side. "What's so funny, Yoru-chan?" he asked innocently.

"You're being silly! It's OK, no one's gonna take me anywhere. And Yoru-chan is still Tobi's best friend. Now get normal and bunny-hug me!" Yoru replied, opening his arms in the end. Then Yoru felt like she was asking too much; Tobi not just hugged, he slammed her to the wall! "Whoa…a little too tight here." she gasped.

"Yoru-chan…" Tobi whispered.

"Huh?"

"Open Tobi's mask, please?" he requested.

"Open your mask? OK, hold on a minute." Since she couldn't use her hands, she used her Gravity element to loosen the straps of Tobi's mask and pulled it off of his face. As soon as the mask was completely removed, Tobi planted a big kiss on her all of a sudden. The mask dropped with a thump.

_Holy shit!! It ain't happening! Wait, it is! OMG!!!_ Yoru screamed in her head. Where did the BFF feeling go? Is this it? No, it felt more like lust to Yoru.

Yoru forcefully pushed Tobi off using her Kekkei Genkai; Tobi stared at her rather in puzzlement. Yoru's face was rose red, then she asked, her tone was rather confused, "What's with you?! This is not what I meant by 'be normal'!"

"Sorry…" was the only thing Tobi could say. He picked up his mask and wore it back on his face.

They were speechless for a few seconds before Yoru broke it. "Tobi, I need some time alone, please? I'll tell you when we can play again."

Tobi nodded and walked outside her room. As soon as he closed the door, his shoulders drooped. He walked powerlessly back to his room and Kakuzu and Nekuro were not far away from his room's door. Kakuzu was flirting with the boy's mother but stopped when he spotted the kid. "Uh-oh." he said.

Nekuro followed his gaze and found his son not being himself. She approached him and Kakuzu followed close behind, his eyes rolling at the nuisance. "Tobi!" Nekuro called.

"Hey, Mommy…" Tobi replied, half-wailing.

"What is it, dear? What's with the long face?" Nekuro asked, patting her son's head as she followed Tobi entering his room.

"Tobi thinks Yoru-chan is upset at Tobi…"

"Eh? Why? Did you do anything?"

"Well, Tobi was sitting and Yoru-chan was dancing with Kisame-senpai. Then Tobi came and teleported Yoru-chan to her room—"

"Ooh, _'Keep your hands off my girl. Keep your hands off my girl. Ah-hah…'_" Kakuzu sang mockingly. Nekuro lightly kicked his shin. "Right, sorry."

"—then Yoru-chan said she wants Tobi to be normal and hug her. Tobi did and Tobi only asked Yoru-chan to open his mask then…" Tobi gulped, "Tobi…kissed Yoru-chan…"

"Buzzuh?!" Nekuro choked.

"You did what on my sister?!" Kakuzu exclaimed, gripping Tobi by the collar and lifted him about thirty centimeters from the ground.

"Sister?" Nekuro asked with one eyebrow raised.

"Yeah, we sorta bounty hunt together and split our money into two. She's such a sweet girl, made me feel like her big brother. And why the hell did you do that, Kiddo?!" Kakuzu interrogated, lifting Tobi higher to the air.

"Tobi doesn't know! It just happened!" the kid replied frantically.

"Kakuzu, put him down!" Nekuro scolded.

Kakuzu dropped him instantly and left from the room; somehow his goal to flirt with Nekuro was temporarily abandoned. That means Tobi had unknowingly accomplished a mission!

"I'm gonna check her out. Just to make sure she doesn't get scarred for life." Kakuzu said bitterly.

Soon, Kakuzu's Men In Black suit was nowhere to be seen. Nekuro rubbed on Tobi's back who began to take off his Tigger costume as well as his orange mask. "Mommy, Tobi wants to go to sleep now." he said weakly. Nekuro nodded understandingly and kissed her son's forehead before leaving.

* * *

Madara the Batman noticed that Agent K and Inspector Gadget were heading to the hallway. He would have followed them and did something to distract them but unfortunately he couldn't since Konan was clinging to his chest, drunk from drinking too much alcohol. At first, Madara thought she was tired until she began to giggle like a crazy slut. Well, after the dance, Konan did drink so many glasses of Tequila.

"Konan? Are you OK?" Madara asked, setting her straight by holding her shoulders.

"Wallpapers!" Konan replied, smiling unusually.

Madara sweat-dropped at that reply. What does that have to do with wallpapers? "I wasn't asking about room make-over."

"I know…but I really need new wallpaper. I don't like blue…." her voice swaying due to the alcohol.

"Geez, Madara, I think you better take her back to her room." Itachi suggested.

"I know that. Enjoy the party without me." Madara scooped Konan on her waist and hauled her to his shoulder. Konan chuckled senselessly and waved at the guys behind her.

"Oh we will, alright." Deidara replied and turned Iron Maiden's song.

"DEIDARA!!!"

* * *

Madara dropped Konan on her bed. She sat right up and Madara sat beside her, taking a breath for a while. Madara sighed heavily, "Damn, you're one heavy woman! Ever thinking of taking a diet?" Madara asked crossly.

Konan pouted exaggeratedly, which irritate Madara quite a lot, "I'm not fat! I'm just big-boned!"

"I don't see the difference. And I never said you're fat, I said you're heavy." Madara corrected.

"What-goddamn-ever!" Konan punched Madara's shoulder. She sighed and leaned to Madara, causing the Batman-costumed leader to raise one of his eyebrows. There was something that made Madara to refuse to move away from her. "I missed doing something…" Konan whispered.

"Like what? Riding rollercoaster?"

"No. But I guess you wouldn't understand anyway…"

Madara smirked, "Try me. I'm way experienced than you, don't say anything about I don't know something."

Konan lifted her head, relieving Madara's shoulder from the extra weight. She shook her head, "Nah, never mind."

Madara shrugged. "Fine. Well, I'll see you tomorrow. Don't wake up too late, OK?" Madara rose up from the bed, but Konan pulled his cape and ended up lying down sideways on her bed. His Batman mask was slightly skewed when he felt some weight on his chest. His visions cleared when the blue haired woman removed the mask. _Whoa, it's gonna be a long night._

Konan smirked as she played with Madara's black hair. "What's with the rush? We still have time before midnight…" she purred.

Wonderfully, Madara could keep his heart calm in this situation which he never expected in a lifetime. To make things went smoothly, he decided to play with her for a while. By the way, he was on the bottom! His thickly gloved hand crawled up to her blue hair, loosening it. His other hand held her waist.

Konan purred and rubbed her nose on Madara's side of face. Madara whispered, "Ladies first…"

Konan smirked and fiercely seized Madara's lips. Madara kissed back just as fiercely and he smiled devilishly while doing it. The kiss was going wilder when Madara decided to French. After about two or three minutes of fight for dominance, he heard a shocked squeak from the door—which he forgot to close when he brought the drunken Konan to her room. Zetsu's both sides were wide-eyed at the extreme scene. Their jaws dropped and they rubbed their eyes in disbelief.

"Holy shit…" White Zetsu mouthed.

Madara glowered at them and Zetsu somehow understood what he was telling though no verbalization happened. The bipolar closed the door and headed to their room. It was still a mystery whether their minds were scarred or not.

"Who was that?" Konan asked, pulling away.

"Not important." Madara pushed himself and rolled to the other side, making him on top of Konan. "Now where were we…?" Madara asked seductively and resumed what they were doing just now—only it was a level more intense.

* * *

It surprised Madara that he spent two hours rocking Konan to sleep. To keep the story as teen as possible, no, Madara didn't took her clothes off—well except the Akatsuki cloak, but only that, seriously. He plopped his head out of her room, looking left and right stealthily before stepping out. He silently shut the door and casually walked back to his room. He used his cape to wipe the sweat on his forehead (must be really intense) and wiped his mouth that was puffing and red.

He finally reached his room, sighing in relief that no one bumped onto him on the way back. His room was dim; only his side's night lamp that was still igniting, Tobi's side was turned off already. His twin brother had already changed from his costume to his pajamas and Madara assumed that he had slept. Madara went to the closet and undressed himself from the heavy Batman suit. He spun his shoulder joints and changed to his pajamas. It was then he noticed the red marks on his neck. He just chuckled rather intriguingly and got out of the closet. He climbed to his bed and realized that Tobi still had his eyes opened.

"Insomnia?" Madara asked, digging his feet down under his blanket. To his surprise, Tobi didn't answer. "Tobi? Hey, you OK, bro?"

Tobi glanced at his twin brother a bit before turning back, "Yeah…"

"You know you can tell me anything. I won't push you, though." Madara said before starting to grab some shut eye.

Tobi stayed silent before he muttered in reply, "Thanks, Madara…maybe…Tobi will tell tomorrow."

Madara nodded and both got to sleep; both were also bothered by their previous kissing scene. Twins…always did anything at the same time…

* * *

**Ooh, I love this chapter! The party...the Cancan...the kiss! Oh, yeah, the kiss...dayum!**

**There was one special reviewer that inspired me with Hidan being Zazu from Lion King. You know who you are, now cheer for yourself, buddy! And Madara being Batman...yeah, I know I should make Madara wears something villainous, but Batman is rather villainous, despite being a superhero. But Madara surely looks hot in that outfit...yumz...(mind wanders and drools. Snaps open when Madara nudged me, blushing) Other than Madara's costume, my faves are Deidara, Itachi (yes, he's really funny), and Tobi.**

**What's your faves? Reviews, my loves!**


	5. The Invasion of Honey!

**-5- The Invasion of Honey! -5-**

Madara woke up with a smirk.

Madara woke up with a smirk and brushed his teeth excitedly.

Madara woke up with a smirk and brushed his teeth excitedly and had breakfast with fiery spirit.

Today, Kakuzu will be gone. _Boom bam baby!! _Madara whooped in his inner mind. He was so high on spirits, he didn't even realize he just ate the broccoli Deidara dropped there since he refused to eat it…and broccoli was Madara's table nemesis. However, things spun the other way around for our little Tobi.

Tobi woke up droopily.

Tobi woke up droopily and brushed his teeth with a sad scowl.

Tobi woke up droopily and brushed his teeth with a sad scowl and had breakfast with a HEAVY sigh.

There was no sign of Yoru going to tell him that they can play again. When will it be? He missed her already; she didn't even show up at breakfast. Wait, he and his twin brother woke up two hours too early. Normal breakfast time was seven thirty, the twins got in and Nekuro had cooked at five thirty. I guess that explained everything.

No matter, Madara went straight to his office after breakfast while Tobi did his job calling the others to wake up. He did his job unusually lifeless today, but the shouting was still loud nonetheless. Madara was signing mission papers vigorously (and noting which member he should spy on for today) when the blue haired woman he made out with last night entered with a loud groan and fell slumped on the couch where the big trinity of Akatsuki sat lazily when they were tired or bored.

"You OK?" Madara asked the sloppy-looking Konan. He went to the small refrigerator to get himself a glass of Oktoberfest beer and a bottle of water for Konan. "Here." he gave her the plastic bottle.

"What's this?" Konan asked. "I don't wanna drink alcohol anymore. They may be tasty, but they give me a great headache in the morning."

"Read. It's not a beer, just a normal mineral water."

"Oh." She opened the lid (with a little bit of effort) and drank the liquid up. "Ah…much better…" she sighed.

"If you can't handle alcohol why bother taking one last night?" Madara asked, as he sat back to his chair, writing in messy scribbles on the documents.

"I felt like drinking. Stupid, eh?"

Madara silently sniggered, but supposedly not silent enough because Konan noticed that.

"What's so funny? Did I said or do anything last night?" she asked with her eyebrows unevenly positioned.

Madara shook his head, but he couldn't stop chortling as the scene where the drunk Konan pulled his Batman cape and his Batman mask off before kissing him savagely. "You just keep saying that Ken dolls are hot when you undress them." he lied.

"I said that?" Konan asked in disbelief. Madara's nod made her feel more stupid.

A knock on the door disrupted her embarrassment as Madara told the person to come in. Kakuzu opened the door, "So whatcha got, Kingpin?"

"Here's your mission and your target. He has a huge potential in breaking down Akatsuki and a pricy bounty too—that's why I chose you. He usually came to a strategic spot at ten p.m. when he was going out from his hide-out. I want you to go today. The location was twelve hours from here, so it may take you a whole day tomorrow or perhaps two days." Madara said nonchalantly, handing papers of the target's details and his minions while drinking his beer.

Kakuzu squinted, "How many of those drinks do you have on one day?"

"One after every meal. Why?"

"Don't you ever get drunk?"

"It's in the blood, Kakuzu. It's in the blood…" Madara answered lazily as if it was not a problem at all.

Kakuzu was about to turn when he remembered one thing. "Wait…I'm working solo?" he asked.

"You had to. Hidan was in sort of a, uh…paternity leave."

"There's such thing as paternity leave?"

"Nothing is nothing, if you know what I mean."

"You really want me to keep away from your mother, aren't you?" Kakuzu asked, half-hissing and his eyes narrowed.

"The best I could do." Madara glowered back at him. Their glower fight was disrupted by Yoru, entering without permission. Her face was didn't look like it always does. "Can I help you?"

"I need to get out of here." she said quickly.

"You're quitting?"

"No, I just need to get out of the base and…do something productive! I dunno, whatever!" she plead desperately.

Madara smirked and nodded, "Very well. You can go accompany and help your 'Kuzu-nii' out. You go today, as soon as you're ready."

"Thank you!" Yoru exclaimed.

"C'mon. We better get prepared." Kakuzu turned, holding his 'little sister's' shoulder as he did.

"So where're we going?" Yoru asked.

"I'll tell you later. But one thing for sure, you'll be out from the base for quite some time. Just like what you need…" Their voices fade away as they walked further from the office. Madara raised an eyebrow at Kakuzu's last audible sentence but decided to ignore it for now. The door, however, remained open.

After one full minute, Madara suddenly called, "Tobi, come in and join me."

"How come Madara knows Tobi is here?" the kid asked, popping his head in.

"You're just not stealth enough. So, is there something happened between you and your best buddy? I saw you teleported her."

Tobi hesitated at first, but then he answered nonetheless. He told them everything, detailed, and he seemed to not realize that. Finally after he finished, both Konan and Madara stared at him with eyes wider than breakfast plates. Tobi sighed resentfully, "Tobi knew he shouldn't have said that…"

"It appears I'm not the only one kissed a girl." Madara whispered to himself. His voice then rose, "Well, since you look so down, what if you just sit and…I don't know." Madara went to the refrigerator again as he talked.

Tobi stepped in and sat beside Konan who rubbed him on the back. "Can Tobi have the drink Madara was about to drink? Tobi doesn't care what it is."

"Vodka? Sure." Madara pulled the white bottle out. "One full glass or half? Or maybe a quarter?"

"Full."

"Full it is."

Konan twitched at Tobi, "You drink alcohol too?"

"Only when he's down." Madara answered, since Tobi seemed too depressed to answer.

"Does he ever get drunk or something?"

"Nope. I told you—and Kakuzu—before, it's in the blood. We can't get intoxicated by alcohol. Somehow we're…immune. Here you go, brother." Madara gave Tobi the glass (which was cylindrical and tall, so, yeah, it was quite a lot) and sat back. "Now back to business! What's Deidara doing in this time of the day?"

"Tobi last saw Deidara-senpai fighting over the remote control again with Itachi-senpai." Tobi answered, moving to a chair near Madara so he could see what was going on.

Madara huffed, "Kids…"

* * *

"SMACK DOWN!" Deidara shouted.

"BOLD AND BEAUTIFUL!" Itachi shouted.

"SMACK DOWN!!!"

"BOLD AND BEAUTIFUL!!!"

"Dirty Jobs…?" Zetsu interjected, giving a goofy smile in the end.

Deidara and Itachi glared coldly at the black-and-white bipolar, causing Zetsu to hit himself mentally for barging their little fight. "Heck. No." the two stated coldly.

"C'mon, you guys, we only have five more minutes before both shows started." Kisame said. Sasori kicked his on the rear for making the fight slightly more intense because Itachi had just picked a baseball bat—OK, maybe way more intense. Deidara followed by taking a medieval sword. Itachi's eyes widen and threw his baseball bat away, crashing through the window and knocking random people on the way. He pulled something else from behind his back which was a machine gun. Deidara threw his sword, probably slicing someone's head off, and pulled out a bazooka.

Itachi was angered, and so did the blonde. The two continued to pull out different weapons, one greater than the other until they created too much holes on the walls and window or they were running out of weapons. They glared fiercely, fingers fidgeted; they were ready to pull their ace card. Itachi pulled Kisame affront, he held his wrists since he was to control the blue shark man as his ultimate weapon. Deidara pulled Sasori, controlling his chakra-enhanced fingertips. Sasori twitched at the sensation of moving lips between his wooden skin and Deidara's palms.

"Sasori, you know I don't mean this, do you?" Kisame asked. As he talked, Zetsu walked between the two sides as a karate referee.

Sasori nodded bitterly, "I know. Now, Kisame, let us sigh in defeat."

The two of them sighed and Zetsu had just whipped his hand, shouting, "Begin!"

"WAYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!" Itachi and Deidara bawled.

"EEEEEEAAAAAAARRRGGGHHH!!!" Kisame and Sasori shrieked in horror and the four began their ultimate fight—two of them got involved involuntarily. Zetsu watched with two huge sweat drops on each half's head.

Zetsu's head tilted back to the couch and the TV and decided to sit back with one person that wasn't involved in this fight other than him. He grabbed the bag of chips to Nekuro and she gladly accepted it. Without giving more care to Itachi and Deidara who fought and hurting their own partners, Nekuro and Zetsu watched their show, Family Guy. It was not until the two laughed that Itachi and Deidara stopped.

They stared at each other in embarrassment and shook hands in truce. But as soon as you blink, they put their glares on again. "Next time, Uchiha, I will win the remote!" Deidara snarled.

"Bring it on, Barbie Doll." Itachi hissed.

Itachi and Deidara turned away arrogantly, dragging their injured partners with them. Kisame lost one of his teeth while Sasori's wooden skin fractured. Nekuro and Zetsu's laughter curtained their departure.

* * *

Madara buried his face on Tobi's shoulder as the fun ate his energy away. Tobi was holding his cramped side and laughed as hard as his diabolical brother. Madara wheezed before breaking his hysterical laughter into chuckles. He wiped the tears of happiness away from the corner of his eyes.

"Oh, God…" Madara gasped post-laughter. "I like seeing these two fight…for a remote control!!"

"Madara, change the camera! Go to Deidara-senpai's room! Maybe Itachi-senpai has a payback attack." Tobi said.

"Oh, the salad incident, huh? Great, let's see what's happening. Hey, Konan, you wanna—" Madara stopped because he noticed that Konan had fallen asleep, maybe because the headache wore her off. "Poor girl…" Madara smirked.

"Should Tobi wake her up?"

"No, don't. She sorta needs more sleep."

So the twins switched the camera to Deidara's room. There he was, guarding his window from any possible assaults. Madara had already snickered; it was like he knew what was coming.

* * *

"Dude! Chill out! It's not like Itachi could penetrate your one-hundred-padlocked entrance! You're the only one who has the keys!" Sasori scolded his younger partner while putting a wooden patch on his fractured cheek using wood glue.

"I'm not worrying my door, I'm worrying my window!" Deidara retorted. He made a clay lizard and told it to invade Itachi's room and explode whenever possible. The lizard crawled out of the window and Itachi's window was around forty seconds from his. So he counted. "Three…two…one…"

**_Nothing. _**Do I really had to exaggerate that?

Deidara twitched in annoyance. "What the hey!? Shouldn't it be exploding right about…one point two-one seconds ago?" he ranted.

"Probably you're counting too fast." Sasori gingerly stated.

"No, I wasn't! My lizard couldn't be smashed away! Itachi is rather fuzzy-eyed!"

"Um…in case you don't remember—which you do—he's not fuzzy-eyed anymore. He can't smell now." Sasori said, matter-of-factly, and it was a fact indeed.

Deidara sweat-dropped and stiffened. He took a deep breath before he swore, "Drat." Sasori smirked at his partner's stupidity. "So, then, Pinocchio-dana, what should we do?"

"_We_? I don't even remember I wanted to help you!" Sasori bellowed.

Deidara's door knocked, the owner of the door and the room walked stealthily to the door. He asked, somewhat pissed off, "Who's there?"

There was a faint cough before Tobi's voice resonated, "Deidara-senpai! Tobi just wanna return Deidara-senpai's special C4 clays!"

"Oh. Wait a second…How did you get my C4 clays? Give it back!!" Deidara pulled a huge ring of keys that made Sasori's eyes plopped whenever he saw them. With rapid unlocking move, he unlocked all the padlocks and opened the door wildly. Before he began yelling at the orange boy, something sticky teemed over his head. A chuckle came from the person in front of him. "Itachi!!!"

"Mm-mmm…you seemed to smell delicious, but unfortunately I can't smell." the younger Uchiha said.

Deidara scooped up a little of the liquid that covered his entire head. "HONEY!!!" he shrieked. Suddenly, rashes appeared on his face. "HOLY SHIT!!! I'M ALLERGIC TO HONEY!!! AAAAAKKKK!!!" Deidara squawked in horror.

"Kisame!!!" Itachi called.

"Here goes nothing…" Big Blue sighed and flung a beehive and whacked it like a baseball. The beehive landed miraculously accurate on Deidara's head and the honey made it stick like an egg shell to a canvas in an artwork. The bees smelled the wonderful sweet aroma from the honey and swarmed the blonde's head.

"AAAAAARRRGGHH!!! SASORI-DANA, HAAAAALLLLPPPP!!!!" Deidara screeched and ran around the base, passing the living room where Nekuro and Zetsu still watched Family Guy oh-so-friendly.

"I'm not in this." Sasori muttered and decided to flee from Deidara's sulfur-smelled room. Only if he fled two seconds earlier, he would avoid the lightning-speed-running Deidara and not sticking to his honey-smothered body. "WWUUUAAAHH!!! Get away from me, freak!!! Omigod, my hair!! It ain't growing again!"

Itachi cackled as he watched the Artistic Duo being artistically glued with each other. He shouted at them, "That's for the salad you shoved me two days ago, Barbie Boy!! You said sweets are Satanic, eh? Well, eat that, you Sasori's uke!!!"

"He's not my uke!!!" Sasori hollered.

"Yeah, what he said!" Deidara added.

"I can't hear yooouuu!!!" Itachi scornfully sang. Kisame just watched at the chaos with tired eyes and a weak grimace. He hopped a bit when Itachi began to chuckle darkly and evilly, reminding the blue guy of Madara and his devilish brain.

* * *

"HAHAHAHA!!!" Madara laugh uncontrollably, his hand wildly pounded his table, unknowingly knocking his empty glass. "That Itachi just copied your voice!" he pounded Tobi's back who had struggled to reduce his laughter into snickers. "Oh…and the honey stuff!! If the honey ever gets dry, we're gonna put them in front of the backdoor!!"

Tobi was about to release the loud laugh again if he didn't saw Konan stirring. He shut Madara's mouth and shushed him, though he was still chortling. "Madara, sshhh… Konan-chan's asleep." Tobi whispered before snorting again.

"I know, I know." Madara giggled again. "OK, on three we take a breath. Three!" The twins inhaled deeply, held it for a few seconds before blew it out together. "Ouch, my head…the laugh hurt my head. Gah, I need a walk." Madara stood from his chair and wander around his office.

"Tobi wonders if we laugh too loud." Tobi said, following his brother taking a small walk.

"Compared to Deidara and Sasori, our loudness was nothing." Madara leaned to a wall that was coincidentally across the sofa Konan was sleeping on. Madara suddenly grew very silent as he continued to stare at her.

Tobi looked back and forth from Madara to Konan and back to Madara again. He leaned beside Madara and put his hands behind his back. "Madara? Was there something happened last night?" Tobi asked.

Madara sighed, "You know, you weren't the only one who went to a girl's room and do something there. I was too, with her." Madara said. Tobi only replied with an 'ooh'; a long one, though. Madara pushed Tobi playfully, "Shut up! She was drunk, OK?"

"Madara was lucky. At least Konan-chan wasn't angry at Madara. Yoru-chan…Tobi thinks she's angry at Tobi, that's why she left. Kakuzu-senpai was pretty pissed too at Tobi." Tobi said somberly and his head hung low from his neck.

Madara smiled wryly and ruffled his brother's hair. "Don't be so pessimistic, Tobi. I'm sure Yoru will come and play again. She didn't yell at you, did she?"

"Well, not really…"

"Then she must've not that mad at you. You probably shocked her because you kissing a girl is something even Atrox doesn't see every day."

"Ouch…"

Madara had one of his eyebrows raised in both amazement and disbelief. "You just being sarcastic!! Now that's an improvement! Is there anything else puberty did to you, hmm?" Madara walked back to his table, feeling he had enough standing for a while. "So are you joining me seeing this one?"

"Madara, what if we just call it a day? Deidara-senpai and Sasori-senpai looked really troubled." Tobi suggested.

Madara shrugged, "Fine, let's go. Just leave Konan here and remember, don't touch them whatsoever!"

* * *

"HHHNNNGGHH!!!" Deidara heaved as tried to push Sasori away from him. Sasori did the same thing too but the honey was too sticky and the bees were distracting them. "ARGH! That bee just stung me for the fiftieth time!!!" he screamed.

"Stop screaming on my ears, you moron! I may be a graceful wooden artwork, but I have sensors too." Sasori ranted. "And, hell, how do you wash off honey?"

"Isn't that obvious? Use water." Madara's voice broke their busy life.

"Hi, Senpai!!! Just wanna tell, Tobi didn't borrow Senpai's C4 clays!" Tobi chirped beside Madara.

"So if you don't, then…who…?"

Madara and Sasori either groaned or face-palmed. Despite the stickiness, Sasori enabled himself to knock on Deidara's head. "It was Itachi impersonating as Tobi, you idiotic son of a bitch!"

"Fine!!! You don't have to hit me like that!"

"Now, since my feet are stuck erroneously to your ass, would you please make your way to the bathroom? I need to wash my hair." Sasori bossily commanded. Deidara stood with much difficulty and dragged his way to the bathroom. Madara pulled Tobi away so that they wouldn't have to suffer the sweet tragedy.

Unfortunately for them, when they went to the bathroom they passed the living room, where Zetsu was still watching with Nekuro—only the show was not Family Guy anymore. The scent of the honey was very piquant, Zetsu (the black side, especially) couldn't resist the urge to taste them. He let out a low, hunting growl. The growl reached Sasori's keen, un-damageable ears.

"Deidara, run." Sasori told his partner-in-adhesive as quietly as possible.

"Great! Now you want me to run. What next? Dance Polka?" Deidara whinged.

"Look at your left…"

Deidara followed his gaze and saw a black and white anthropoid Aloe Vera predator stalking on him and his red-headed partner. Deidara gulped and quickly dashed away to the bathroom. Zetsu pounced from the sofa and chased the honey-smothered duo. Both Deidara and Sasori were screaming like little girls and ran faster than gazelles chased by a dozen Velocirators.

"HEEEEELLLPP!!!"

"US WANT FOOD!!!"

"Should we help them, Madara?" Tobi asked.

"Hey, it was your idea to come here in the first place! Anyway, I don't know how to stop those cannibalistic amalgamated duo at this point." Madara replied and folded his arms behind his head in a lazy manner.

"Madara…" Nekuro sighed, scolding slightly through her speaking tone.

"What? I really don't know how to stop him! And he's a handy guy, so I never gonna decide to kill him."

Nekuro rolled her eyes and touched her hands against the wall. The whole base rumbled, and metals bent and caught Zetsu like a hunted deer or fish. Zetsu practically roared in anger for being stopped. Nekuro came to his front and slapped him hard, smack dab on the cheek. "Behave yourself, young man! I can make that twice as hard—or more!" she bellowed. Fantastically, she made Zetsu whimpered like a puppy. By Zetsu I mean, both of the sides!

Tobi hid behind Madara's back while Madara was trying to cower as well. Despite being actually _stronger_ (physically and non-physically) than his mother, Madara still feared her anger. Maybe it was because she was his mother and the '1920's Punishment' moments still scarred his mind.

"I'm sorry…" Zetsu apologized meekly. While he knelt and apologized, Deidara and Sasori used the chance to rush to the bathroom and quickly wash the honey off their body.

Nekuro's angry face switched quickly into a soft, motherly smile like always. She patted Zetsu's head and said, "Nah, it's OK. I know honey is delicious and you're a cannibal—no offence. But they're still your friends—OK, maybe not so friends but still, they live in the same house as you."

"Actually, Mom—MMF!!!"

"Tobi and Madara had to go back to work! Heh…heheh…bye, Mommy!!!" Tobi dragged Madara, still repressing his brother's mouth using his gloved hand and ran away from where they stood. He ran to their room instead of the office and there Tobi finally released Madara's 'hole where the scariness and rudeness originates'.

"BAH!" Madara exclaimed in relief after being blocked from breathing. "What the hell did you do that for?!" he bellowed at his childish twin.

"Madara should learn how to shut his mouth." Tobi criticized.

"Look who's talkin'…" Madara retorted coldly.

"Madara never gives up, eh? Even after Mommy had hit Madara really hard." Tobi said innocently. He meant it to be innocent, but Madara—who got punished by his mother more often rather than Tobi—shuddered in trauma.

"Thanks for reminding…" Madara muttered.

* * *

**Ah, I like this chapter too. So many craziness...maybe because I was eating three Kit Kats and two thick slices of brownie plus milk. Yep...Itachi and I had similarities... Now if you please read (which you already did) and REVIEW. Here's the sign.**

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	6. Twin Boys Times Two

**-6- Twin Boys Times Two -6-**

"Come in Pumpkin Boy, do you hear me?" Deidara whispered to his walkie talkie.

"_Pumpkin Boy in, Clayface-senpai!" _Tobi's voice echoed from the walkie talkie's speaker.

"Don't call me Clayface, goddammit! I hate it! Who came up with the nickname?!" Deidara bellowed as he peeked in vain at his door's keyhole.

"_Uh, I did. C'mon, Dei, it suits you…Clayface…"_ Madara's voice broke in. _"Better than I call you 'Barbie Boy'."_ he added, there was an invisible smirk and Deidara could see it through his voice.

"Fine, Clayface me! Any sign of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde near my door?"

"_Nope!"_ Tobi answered.

"How about that Nosy Uchiha?"

"_He's here with us, eating waffles with __**honey**__."_ Madara answered before chuckling darkly.

"Do not remind me of that stuff." Deidara hissed. "So I'm safe?"

"_Yes!"_

"Perfectly safe?"

"_Yes, perfectly safe!!! Now would you stop being paranoid and get in here?!"_

"Fine, OK!" Deidara took a deep breath; a very deep one. "Here goes…" Deidara touched the knob, turning it and dashed away as quickly as possible. He let out a wild cry as he ran through the hallway and to the dining room, startling the cooks and those who only came to enjoy breakfast. "I MADE IT!!!" Deidara hollered triumphantly, raising his hands in the air.

Madara winced at his hollering and so did Itachi and Sasori. "Not so loud, OK?" He dug one finger into his ears, removing an inexistent junk from it. "And, by the way, the distance from your room to this holy dining room was only god-forsaken seven meters! You don't exactly have to yell like an ardent monkey lost his whole stock of bananas."

Panting and laughing nervously, Deidara said, "I guess you're right. I am being paranoid these days."

"Buongiorno, my friend." Zetsu greeted eerily (it meant to be normal) from behind Deidara's back. He scared the blonde completely; Deidara screeched and plummeted from the floor he was standing and landed right on Nekuro's arms. She just happened to be there…

"Get off from my mother!!!" Madara shouted, holding up a fork in Roman warrior style, ready to shoot at Deidara if he refused to let go.

"What did I do?" Zetsu asked, pointing at himself. The others (excluding Madara, Nekuro and Deidara) shrugged.

Suddenly, an _**UBER**_ shrill lady's scream echoed throughout the whole base, again deafening the people inside. Madara groaned in distress, "Who put that doorbell?! I thought I ordered an evil laugh doorbell!!!" Again, everyone shrugged. "Well, someone better open the door!"

All eyes swished to the direction of the most vivid-colored Akatsuki. No, it was not Kisame. The guy who sat on the middle, beside Deidara. Yes, that was it…that was the guy. "Aw, man, why me?!" Sasori whined.

"Just get it…" Madara growled.

Sasori rolled his eyes and headed to the backdoor, from the direction of Amegakure. Sasori roughly opened the door, he was about to shout; to tell the guy in front of the door to scram but canceled since he realized it was Hidan. "Hidan?" he skewed his eyebrows.

"Yeah. Now if you please don't be too noisy. Look what I bring with me!" Hidan said with shushed voice. He lifted his two arms and Sasori peered over to see what he was holding. "Dude, what the hell is wrong with your cheek?"

"Don't ask! Whoa! Are those—?"

Hidan's face burned in shame and he nodded, "Yes…these are my twin boys…"

"Omigod…" Sasori squeaked in surprise and dashed, leaving Hidan on the door, bewildered. "Guys! Guys! Guys!!" Sasori called loudly. "Hidan's back! With babies!"

"HE WHAT??!!" Madara exclaimed and he dashed to the backdoor, Zetsu followed behind. "Hidan!!!" he shouted.

"SSSHHH!!! Madara, not so loud!! You'll wake 'em up!" Hidan scolded, edging away from the angry leader.

"What the hell are you doing bringing two little devils into our base, eh? What do you think this place is? A playground? I grew up not to be a babysitter!!!" Madara ranted, keeping his voice as low as possible.

"Well, my girlfriend said she can't take care of four children in one time, so we agreed on splitting the babies into two groups until her babysitter came. She gets the girls and I get the boys. Please, Madara, I love them so much—apparently. They look so unbearably cute once you have them yourself!" Hidan plead.

Nevertheless, Madara was not impressed. He motioned to Zetsu, "Finish them off." he commanded.

"Hoho…gladly, master." Zetsu replied frighteningly. Hidan backed away; there was no way he was going to let this cannibal man to eat his boys.

"Back off, jackass!!!" Hidan threatened, kicking his foot at the cannibal.

"Madara Uchiha!!"

Both Madara and Zetsu straightened their backs to Nekuro's angry voice. Zetsu was about to whimper again and Madara's nape was sweating like a wet sponge. Nekuro's hand viciously gripped Madara's head and slammed him to the nearest wall, or maybe the door frame. "YEEEOOOOW!!!" Madara caterwauled.

"For cripes' sake, Madara, these are just babies! You should take care of them, show them love! They were just innocent little angels." Nekuro scolded his son. She then took one of Hidan's boys in her arms, relieving Hidan's arm. "By the way, if you're about to take care of these little cupcakes, where are the supplies?" Nekuro asked Hidan.

"Oh, yeah. Hey, Pein-sama! Took you long enough! C'mon! Move it!" Hidan called to his far side. Soon after that, Pein was struggling to pull a suitcase. The suitcase was really, seriously, utterly B-I-G.

"Easy for you to say! Zetsu, come and help me!" Pein commanded.

"Orders…orders…" Black Zetsu whined.

"You just hate it, don't you?" White Zetsu remarked.

"Holy cow…how-wha-for how long are those all supplies are for?" Madara asked, rubbing his aching forehead.

"Four months or more. The babysitter came from a very far away country. Now if you excuse me, I have babies to put." Hidan made his way to his room, followed by Nekuro and the two luggage carriers. Madara was left rubbing his forehead and closing the backdoor.

* * *

"Madara! Madara!" Tobi called excitedly. Madara lazily glanced at his twin brother. "Have you seen Hidan-senpai's babies?! Ooh!!! They're both so CUTE!!!" Tobi squealed.

"They look just like two meat lumps to me. I don't like babies. They're the reason I tried to avoid girls." Madara answered. Good thing Konan wasn't there; she had felt better and now she was in Hidan's room, looking at his babies. However, Pein was there and he heard those.

"Ah…you only enjoy the fun, huh?" Pein asked, a mischievous smirk plastered on his lips.

Madara twitched but nodded in admission. He sighed and massaged his nose bridge. "So? How was Ikari? Getting better?" he asked, not that he cared about Ikari.

"Yeah, way better. I still like to stay there a while longer, though…" Pein answered dreamily. Madara rolled his eyes and groaned. He quickly walked to the small refrigerator and did his daily habits of drinking alcohol. He had been drinking a lot lately, thanks to all the chaos. "How about you, Madara? Anything happened while I was gone? Tobi texted me about what happened to him. I feel sorry for you, boy."

Madara paused; his face didn't show any comical expression this time, just sober and cold. "Your ex got drunk and he pulled me to her bed. You can imagine the rest."

Pein's Rinnegan expanded and he sat upright. "Wow…really?"

Tobi nodded on Madara's behalf. "Tobi couldn't believe it too, but it was true!!!"

"Well, let's have a toast then!" Pein announced merrily.

"No! No toasts on that matter! I want to spy on our young daddy here. And I warn you about beer toast!" Madara glared at Pein and Tobi who snickered to his discomfort.

* * *

"Where did the crib come from?" asked Kisame, observing the crib that was somehow available and hidden in the depths of Hidan's room.

"I know I'll need it sooner or later. With Kakuzu's help, I made this. It was shame we only made one. I never expected to have quartets!" Hidan stated proudly and happily.

"If you need help, Hidan, I'm always available. Among all of us, I'm the most experienced in taking care of babies. Look, my two babies have grown into men! And they are as handsome as their father!" Nekuro said, tapping Hidan on his back.

"Well, these two didn't look like their father. They have reddish brown hair instead of silver." Itachi commented, stroking softly one of the babies' smooth hairs.

"You just haven't seen the girls."

Silence… what the hell?

Deidara snorted, receiving him a death glare from Hidan. Soon, Kisame started to snort as well. "Riiiiight…what's so funny?!" Hidan snapped, putting his hands on his hips.

"Nothing!" Deidara answered, giggling hard, "We were just imagining the looks of your girls if they're really like you. Pfft…must be pretty weird…oh…the hair…"

"Stop mocking my hair!! It's hip, OK!"

Deidara's cheeks puffed dramatically and he quickly rushed outside to laugh the laughter that had been suppressed under his throat ever since he stepped into Hidan's room. Hidan was flushing and Itachi (whose eyes were WAAAAY sharper than before) could see fumes coming out of Hidan's ears. The Jashinist glared at everybody.

"If there's anyone gonna comment _**anything, **_I swear you'll regret it…" he hissed, raising his three-bladed scythe.

* * *

Madara snorted, "Deidara's got the point!" Madara raised an eyebrow in confusion and spotted his twin brother leaning to a wall. He hadn't been paying attention, apparently, so his guesses were that Tobi had laughed the whole time or his mind was somehow bruised with the image of Hidan's twin daughters. "Tobi…? Tell me you're not in mood swing again."

"Tobi's OK. Whew…" Tobi adjusted his mask and sat back beside Madara.

"You've…been laughing?"

Tobi nodded; Madara guessed his brother was desperately biting his lips to avoid wild mirth to release from his mouth.

"That still counts as mood swing. It's Hidan you were laughing at, not SpongeBob!"

"Ooh, SpongeBob is still funny! Tobi can copy SpongeBob's laugh!"

"Halt!!! Don't even think about it…"

Tobi's spirits dropped and sat back. Not even five seconds after he sat, his shoulders rose again, "Oh! Oh! Pein-sama! Pein-sama! Tobi is just wondering…what was Pein-sama doing with Ikari-san when Akatsuki was having a party?"

"I took her to the hospital, believe me or not. Her body temperature rose so suddenly before it suddenly dropped to normal. She really surprised me there. But everything's OK now…I still wish I could join the party, though."

"Well we can have it again next week!"

"WHAT?! Tobi, no! I'd have enough partying for one month!" Madara protested.

"So…can Tobi have a party next month?" Tobi half-asked and half-plead. Under his mask, Madara knew he was grinning innocently. Innocence, however, wouldn't work on our devilish leader here.

"No parties until further notice. _Capiche?_" Madara hissed. Tobi nodded timidly.

* * *

"So, Hidan," Nekuro said, rocking the crib, "what's their name?"

"Oh, this little guy here," Hidan pointed to the twin that had a little blackspot on the side of his face, "his name is Hikaru. And the other guy…" Hidan pointed at Hikaru's twin, "his name is Kaoru." Hidan grinned. This might sound very OOC-ish, because we all had never seen Hidan this happy in his entire life.

Nekuro giggled, "Oh, such cute names. Let me guess, those are not your names."

Hidan sighed sadly and leaned to the crib's side. "Is it so easy to make a guess of?"

"Duh!" Konan answered, "Your choices of names were so weird. Maybe if you live in outer space, their names won't be so…unearthly."

"She's right. Though I knew someone named Harold from Saturn." Nekuro added.

Hidan suddenly gagged. Soon, not only the young dad, but the two women too. "Holy…what smell is this?!" Hidan asked in distress.

"The diapers!!!" Nekuro hollered. "Hidan, go and change the diapers!"

"Huh? But-but…I never knew how to put on diapers on babies! My girlfriend always did the thing!" Hidan answered.

Konan rolled her eyes, clipping her nose using her fingers. "Wow, you're such a blockhead, you know that?"

"Shut up, woman!"

"Fine!" Nekuro declared sharply, "Hidan, I'll tell you what to do but it would still be your hands that do the job. Are you ready to do the most disgusting job as a beginner parent?"

Hidan gulped, "I hope so."

"Very well. Let's start this thing!"

* * *

"Double ew…"

"Ugh, babies are smelly! Tobi can't imagine wearing a diaper."

"Oh? I thought you always wear it." Madara said scornfully. He heard Tobi huffed, but he just grinned devilishly. Madara headed to the snack cabinet. Not only drinks, Madara also tend to snack a lot when he was working. He said it was to maintain the work of his brain, but we never really knew. As he opened the cabinet, he realized that he was short on food—or should I say snacks. Only one thing remained… "My God…the last Milky Way!!!"

"Milky Way? Where? Tobi wants some!!" Tobi stood and raced after Madara. However, his brother was being selfish today and pushed him away and guarded his last wrapping of chocolate.

"This is mine! If you want some, go get it somewhere else!" Madara snarled.

So it appeared that Tobi was being selfish too. Stupid growth hormones… "Aah! But Tobi wants it too!!! Madara, share!!"

"You have your own snack cabinet! Get away!"

"Come on!!! Just a half of it!" Tobi plead loudly.

"NO!!! I said go to your own snack cabinet!!"

"Tobi's running out of snack too! Itachi-senpai ate them all during the party!!"

"Well it's your fault letting him eat what were yours! Now if you please back off and let me enjoy my snack?! You can snack at anytime; I only snack once every week!" Madara retorted, backing away until he bumped onto the wall. The Milky Way was still in his hands.

"Madara selfish!!"

"Look who's talkin'!!!"

It had been months ever since the twins had a fight over something not worth to fight. Last time they fought, they were debating about adopting Tobi's miniaturized elephant, Nu-Nu. Madara growled and glared; Tobi only glared and pouted. Madara headed to his side and started to run away from Tobi with the Milky Way safely and tightly wrapped around his fingers.

"MINE! MINE! MINE!" Madara shouted frantically.

"Tobi wants some!"

The twins ran around the office, knocking chairs, tables and document safes as they go. Pein had a huge and blue sweat dropping from his head. His Rinnegan ached watching them chased after each other. He tried to stop them, but he was too slow and his voice couldn't project as loud as them. He sighed and buried his face in his hands. "Whatever…I'll just slumber here…. Somehow, staying overnight and taking care of a sick woman isn't so bad."

Tobi managed to catch Madara's ankle and knocked his brother down. He grabbed the Milky Way but Madara wildly yanked it back. They were tugging the Milky Way and rolled around on the floor, shouting and swearing (only Madara swore). Pein plugged his ears and started to sing the anthem of the United Kingdom until he forgot the lyrics and changed to sing ABBA.

The fight was so intense and Madara decided to pull stronger. Unfortunately for both of the twins, the Milky Way slipped and flew out of the window, landed on someone else's hands. The twin Uchihas screeched in horror, waking Pein up from his musical reverie. He turned to see the twins stared out of the window and dropped to their knees; the typical anime blues lines hovered above their heads.

"Nooo…" they both squeaked in sadness.

"We lost it…" Madara sighed forlornly.

"Yeah…" Tobi replied just as forlorn as his brother. Then the sun seemed to shine on the orange pumpkin boy as he said cheerily, "Madara, let's go to the snack shop! We can buy Cheetos! Lots and lots of Cheetos!"

The sun seemed to glisten over Madara too as he grinned, "Right! Let's go! But you're paying!"

"No problem! Oh, then Tobi had to go to get his wallet!" Pumpkin Boy dashed to his room and returned a few seconds later. "OK! Ready to go!"

"Pein, Tobi and I are going somewhere. So for the mean time, you take the charge. See ya! C'mon, Tobi! Let's get 'em all before somebody does! I've paid you last month, right?"

"Don't worry! Tobi is still rich!" The twins' voices faded as they got out of the base, covering their black haired heads with hoods to prevent them from getting wet. Sasori and Deidara happened to pass the office and asked Pein.

"What was that noise a few minutes ago?"

Pein sighed heavily, "You don't wanna know. Believe me…"

* * *

Hidan exhaled in relief. "Whoo!" he whooped lowly. "Smell disaster averted!"

"You're quite good for a beginner." Nekuro remarked. Hidan laughed shyly and rubbed the back of his neck.

_GRABUMP!!_

Hidan, Nekuro and Konan winced at the loud sound of a falling heavy object. They winced harder when the babies began to whimper.

"Holy sh—"

_CRASH!!_

_BRUMP!!_

"MINE! MINE! MINE!"

_BADA BUMP!!_

_CLONK!_

"UWWAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!" the babies wailed.

"—it…. Damn to whoever caused this raucousness!!!" Hidan swore grumpily. He lifted Hikaru and rocked him back to sleep while Konan handled Kaoru.

"There, there, Kaoru-chan…it's OK, go back to sleep. Everything's gonna be—"

_WALLOP!! BUMP!! BANG!!_

"—not alright." Konan finished bitterly. "Nekuro-san, would you please take care of him? Thank you…" Konan stormed off to the source of the sound which she knew clearly was the office. Her eyes practically dropped from their sockets as she witnessed the kids' fight between Madara against Tobi. She glanced to Pein who was plugging his ears using his fingers and the words _"Thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing. Thanks for all the joy they're bringing."_ came from his mouth like magic spells that didn't seem to work any soon. She grimaced and secretly sent a very thin paper to slip the Milky Way from Madara and Tobi's hands and threw it out the window that happened to be opened. She backed from the door and went back to spent her time with Hidan's babies. She secretly grinned at the sound of sorrow coming from the bigger twins.

"What was that?" Nekuro asked as Konan got back to Hidan's room. The babies were calmer now, and Hidan's terrified face had replaced with relief.

"Nah, it's just some kids fighting over for a chocolate. I threw the chocolate away from them so that they would chase it somewhere else far from the base." Konan answered coolly.

"Those kids…are they…?" Hidan asked uncertainly.

"Yep. _Them._"

Hidan grumbled then he remembered that their mother was there with him in his room. "Do you mind if I give your kids a good hit?"

"Sure, no problem."

"Great! I mean…thanks. I'll start as soon as they got home."

* * *

"Madara! Can Tobi buy this too?" Tobi asked his brother who was standing in front of the alcohol drink cooler. The orange masked boy was holding a cylinder of Pringles.

"Yeah, you pay for us both so it's up to you." Madara answered nonchalantly as he skimmed the bottles of alcoholic goodness.

Tobi gasped comically and pulled Madara away from the alcohol drinks. "Madara, are you insane?!" he screeched, causing some other customers to eye at them strangely.

"I am not! I'm just being myself!" Madara struggled to get free from the strangling.

"But, Madara, drinks are so expensive! Tobi has no money for those!" Tobi whined.

"Yeah, right! You said you're rich and you've bought snacks for two _full_ carts! You think that won't cost a lot?!" Madara spat at his twin brother crossly.

"Heehee…" Tobi giggled meekly.

"God! Fine! I'll cover the drinks for ya!" Madara snapped. He grabbed three Heinekens and put them rudely in the cart full of bags of chips and Pringles. "I think two carts are enough for both of us. C'mon, let's go home. I'm not Yoru so I can't carry the bags like her." Madara stopped in his tracks. He just said something taboo. He turned to look at his brother and his feelings were correct. Tobi grew sober. Madara rolled his eyes skyward, _Me and my senseless mouth, _he swore at himself. He put his hand on Tobi's shoulder, beckoning him to go to the cashier.

"Yoru-chan's gonna forgive Tobi, right?" Tobi asked somberly.

Madara smiled wryly, "I'm sure she will. I see no reason why she won't." Madara scoffed while Tobi stayed sober, even in front of the cashier man. Madara talked as he passed their snack supplies that made the cashier man nearly lost his eyes, "Take it easy, bro. What you did to her was only a peck! No biggy! Girls' main weakness is a kiss for them from a good-looking guy. You—and I, as your twin—are good-looking, so like I said before: she was just shocked!"

Tobi pulled out his wallet, sighing heavily, "Yeah…but Yoru-chan told Tobi to get out of her room! She kicked Tobi out!" Tobi ranted, handing the cashier man the bills.

"You're exaggerating! I'm tellin' you, she's just running away from you." Madara retorted, he was actually getting tired of speaking of Yoru, but Tobi kept pushing him.

"But why?" Tobi asked, lifting half of the bags by slinging the loopholes into his arms. Madara did the same thing as he rolled his eyes and exhaled exasperatedly.

"That I don't know. It's a girl thing; do you think I'm supposed to understand what they think? Even I don't understand Mom or Konan." Madara answered as he walked out the shop and wore his rain coat on.

"Why do girls have to be this confusing?"

"Tell me about it."

They stopped talked about girls when they were on their way home. Sometimes they didn't talk anything then at one point, Tobi suddenly pointed at a bird or cat or a dog and spoke of his awe to the animal. Madara would mainly complain or rant, wondering how Tobi could be so amazed with some things that were obvious. Then suddenly Tobi blurt about Dragonball: Evolution, much to Madara's dismay. The more somber twin walked faster to avoid hearing more things he didn't even like and got home early to eat snacks.

"Gimme the keys!" Madara told Tobi who were a few paces behind him. "Tobi, leave that rabid dog alone! You could get rabies and I'm _NOT_ sleeping with a rabies-infected brother!"

"OK! Bye, doggy! Tobi got to go home or Madara will be really angry." Tobi hurried to the door and dug into his pocket. To his surprise, the keys were not there. "Oh no." he gasped.

Madara scowled, "Tobi! How could you possibly lost the keys?"

"Tobi remembers it was here! Oh, wait, it wasn't." Tobi dropped his shopping bags. He removed the 'Welcome' mat (why was there one, I don't know) and the tile beneath it. Seeing this secret key keeping made Madara's brain nearly exploded and eyes practically plopped off from the sockets. "Tara!! Here's the key!" Tobi's voice rang and he inserted the key into the keyhole. Just as he did that, Madara pounded the back of his head. "Ow!!!"

"Why the heck did you do that for?!" Madara roared.

"It's for safety! Kakuzu-senpai told Tobi about it. He said it's to keep thieves away from our base!" Tobi said innocently.

"There will be no thieves coming, goddammit! This is the God's home! Pein's lair! if anyone random enters, they must've been eaten by Zetsu or beaten up by Asura! Are you sure it was all Kakuzu's plan?" Madara interrogated.

"Yeah!"

"Urgh…that guy…" Madara angrily turned the knob open, only to be greeted by shrill wail and lethal odor. "Augh, by love of God, what the fuck is going on in here?!"

"Blegh! Smells like giant Nu-Nu's poop!" Tobi remarked.

"MOM!! PEIN! KONAN! EVERYBODY!!!" Madara yelled. No one answered, simply because they were too busy shouting at each other and rushing to and fro. "What the hell is going on in here?" Madara asked himself.

"Ah, Madara, Tobi!" Hidan suddenly appeared beyond the green sick mist, looking really zombie-like and…upset.

"Hidan, what's going…GYAAH!!" Madara shouted as Hidan crackled his fist and his skin suddenly changed color into his 'Sacrifice to Jashin' mode.

"Come and get some!" the Jashinist hissed.

"Tobi, run! Teleport somewhere!!" and…the twins were gone, locking themselves in their room. They wouldn't come out until the wailing has stopped and the odor ceased. And that…would take a while…

* * *

**Would you look at that? The worst chapter ever!!! I was in a writer's block and the national exam next Monday made it worst! The seventh chapter might come a little too late, since I'm busy with the stuffs in Quizilla and more exams!! Stupid senior year.... As a bonus of my lack of imagination, the next chapter should be about Kisame and the craziness is yet to be think of. If anyone of you can suggest me some stimulus (a funny one, MUST) I'll be very happy. And, hey, certain someone is going back to the base. Next.**


	7. Zetsu's Got a Girlfriend?

**-7- Zetsu Has Found…A Girlfriend?! -7-**

"Ow!"

"Oops, sorry, Madara…"

"It's OK. Huh…I'm becoming softer by the minute…" the older twin shrugged. "Go outside and check the situation." he commanded.

"Aw! Why does Tobi always has to do the checking!?" the orange-masked boy whined.

"Because you always brag that you're a good boy and a good boy listens to his older brother. Now, since I'm the older and dominant brother, you have to listen to me. Ha! I've returned all your touché speeches!"

Tobi let out a un-Tobi grunt and opened the door. He heard a footstep coming closer and shut the door again. He panted and grinned goofily when he stared his brother's glare. "C-can Tobi and Madara check outside together? Tobi can't see the left when he's looking to the right."

Madara shook his head and sighed, "OK…since you're that unreliable." Madara said coldly, stepping beside Tobi who was holding the door knob.

"Meany."

"Coward."

The door opened again, this time slower and stealthier. Tobi popped his head out and Madara followed above him. The older twin scowled, "I see no threats."

"But there was someone!" Tobi retorted.

"You're being paranoid. Come on out." Madara stepped out and beckoned his brother to follow him. Tobi looked both of his sides and dashed only to cower behind Madara who by that time had face-palmed. "I'm telling you, Pumpkin Face, there's no one around here! It's ten o'clock! Everyone had gone to do their jobs! ARGH! Cut it out, I'm hungry!!!"

"Morning, guys!" Zetsu greeted.

"EEAAAARRGGHH!!!"

"Aw…but I was just trying to be friendly! For once!" White Zetsu whined.

"What do you expect, twit? We _are _meant to be screamed at." Black Zetsu added sourly.

"AAH! Zetsu! Omigod!!! You…startled us! Yo, mornin'…"

"Oh, sorry for that." White Zetsu apologized profusely.

"AAAARGH! AAARGH! AAARGH! AAARGH! AAARGH!"

Madara frowned and face-palmed for the second time of the day. "Tobi! It was just Zetsu!!" he shouted. "Now shut up and let's have breakfast!"

"Oh. Hiya, Zetsu-san!!" Tobi waved his hands vigorously before Madara pulled one of them and dragged him down the hallway to the dining room. "See ya later, Zetsu-san! Madara's a little bit cranky so Tobi has to be beside him!"

"I'm cranky because of you!" Madara snapped, hitting Tobi upside the head.

"Ow! But what did Tobi do?"

"'What did Tobi do?' Ugh, this is ridiculous…" Madara imitated Tobi's voice scornfully and scowled. Behind him and his brother, Zetsu followed, whispering self-arguments to his either side.

* * *

"Madara! Can you pass the maple syrup, please?" Tobi asked politely. Madara passed it without comments or at least frowning.

"Hey, Madara." White Zetsu called. Madara averted his eyes toward him emotionlessly, motioning him to continue. "Would you like to come with us to the Flora and Fauna Expo?"

Madara choked all of a sudden; he pounded his chest to make the flapjacks out of his lungs. Zetsu's white half gritted his teeth in a guilty manner. He wheezed before finally glared at the two-in-one black-white bipolar. "Flora and Fauna Expo?! Are you outta your mind!!?? What do you think I am? Your father? What makes you think I'd be interested to go anyway?!"

Just as the leader finished speaking, two baby wails blared throughout the base, followed by, "Somebody better be doing something!" from Pein. White Zetsu smiled hopefully and his black half added, "What do you say, Kingpin?"

"What's a Flora and Fauna Expo?" Tobi asked oh-so innocently, chewing his flapjacks.

"It's just some kind of event that displays various plants and animals from various stores throughout the village. They usually have sales and promotions."

"And rare plants!!!" added both sides of Zetsu in unison.

"And auctions. It's quite boring, really."

"No, it's not!" Zetsu replied crossly, banging their hands on the table.

"Did Madara said animals?"

"Yeah, I did. But no more pets for you! Last time I checked, Nu-nu is not a very jealousy-proof elephant. She got all tantrums and wreaked her whole cage that WE had to fix."

"It's OK! Nu-nu is Tobi's pet! It's from Madara!"

Madara rolled his eyes and stood, "It wasn't from me! Fine, then. Tobi and I'll go."

"Oh, great! Thanks!" Zetsu stood and headed outside the dining room. "Oh, we'll see you at twelve!"

* * *

"Tell me again why I accepted to go with them to _here?_" Madara asked crossly.

Tobi gently patted his back. "Madara doesn't like babies, right?"

Madara patted back, "Thanks." He sighed, "I'm glad we have these casual clothes or else the expo will be closed."

"Why is that, Madara? Yesterday we went to the market in red clouds but the market didn't close." Tobi asked.

"Isn't it obvious? The market is a sacred place, it's the place where all beings turn to when they're starving. This is an Expo, something that comes out once a year. If they see Akatsuki going into this place, they thought we're going to ban the show." Madara explained.

"Oooh…. OK. At least Tobi got to wear no mask today! Tobi is so excited!!!"

While Tobi swung his neck joints swiftly looking on one stand to another stand, Madara moaned lazily, "I'll go your way. I never really like plants or animals. I like beers."

"Yayz!!! C'mon Madara! Animals are this way!!!" Tobi dashed up to the first animal stand which was insects. "Ooh! Pretty butterfly!!! Madara, look it here!"

"Uh…I ain't going into the creepy crawly haven. I'm staying out. How about we go to the next stand? There are, uh, hamsters over here." Madara pointed. He was already freaked out by the Tse Tse fly the stand has. In case you're asking, a Tse Tse fly is a fly that carries a deadly disease (I can't remember the name, but it's REALLY one of the death factors!). Found in Africa.

Tobi gasped; the stand keeper of the insects cringed at his comical gasp. "Tobi wants to see hamsters!!!" he dashed to the next stand, leaving the stand keeper dumbfounded.

"Your friend?" he asked.

"My idiotic mental brother." Madara answered coldly. Uh, did he just say brother? _Damn it!!! Now I'm embarrassing myself!_

"Ehehehee…Madara, look! This little fella bites Tobi's thumb." Tobi giggled, showing the little puffy critter in front of Madara's face. Madara winced in disgust and the hamster sniffed at his nose. "Hehee…the hamster likes Madara. How cute!"

"Put it away from me…"

"What's on the next stand?" Tobi asked, getting out of the hamsters and mice animal stand.

"Reptiles. Whoa! Look at that cobra!! It's white yellowish in color! It must be a rare snake!!" Madara cooed in awe. The cobra stood, opening its spoon-like neck and hissed at Madara. The older Uchiha smirked, non-verbally mocking the snake for unable to attack him. The snake turned its head to another customer that crouched beside Madara.

"Ah…yesss… you are about to be mine, dear beautiful albino cobra…" hissed a men's voice in somewhat French-ish accent. The voice sent chills to Madara's spine. No, it wasn't because it sounded creepy. It was because of…the speaker of the voice…

Tobi—who refused to enter the reptiles stand—squeaked intimidatedly and pulled Madara's arm, begging him to go from there. Madara wordlessly agreed with the idea of getting out of there. They scampered to the next stand which was dogs and cats. A certain white-haired man eyed them strangely before shrugging it off.

"What is that Oreo-chimaru doing in this place?!?!" Madara whispered. He panted and patted his chest at the same time.

"Tobi knows! It was so scary! Good thing Orochimaru doesn't know our face!" Tobi squeaked. "And, yeah, what is he doing here?"

"Damn, that guy got guts! First, this is not Otogakure; second, he's in Akatsuki's territory and the Akatsuki missed him from its watch! Maybe we should kick his butt…" Madara narrowed his eyes at the laughing-merrily snake man-whore (I hate him seriously!!).

"No, Madara! If he finds out that Madara and Tobi are from Akatsuki…who knows what would happen." Tobi said, restraining Madara. A puppy toddled to his toes and Tobi's attention was quickly distracted from the snake-human-Michael Jackson amalgamated creature. "Ooh, look, Madara! A Spaniel puppy!!! Aw…aren't you the cutest thing?" Tobi cuddled the Spaniel puppy and soon afterwards the other puppies and kittens. He also hugged a tiger cub (Tobi thought it was Carmen's cub, but turned out it wasn't.) and a hyena cub. Madara also participated in the frenzy of licks and paws, much to his dismay, and a Siamese kitten clawed him on the chin. Of course, thanks to the immortality crap, he didn't bleed.

Orochimaru had gone home with his 'man-wife' Kabuto. Tobi sighed in relief while Madara swore dirty and filthy stuffs under his breath, mostly cursing Pein for letting his guard over the village down. Just as he was plotting punishments for the poor beginner God, Tobi pulled him to the fish stand.

Madara twitched. _What…__**the**__…__**FUCK?!?!**_

* * *

"Ooh…"

"Aah…"

"Holy shit, Zed, it's beautiful…" Zetsu's white half whispered to the black side. They had decided to give each halves a name: the black side's name was Zed and the white side was named Ted. Bad choice, I know.

"Blech! It smells, Ted! And you know what it smells like? Blue whale shit!! And heck! It must be a very big shit either! I don't want to grow Rafflesia Arnoldi in our backyard garden. Move from here!" Zed yelled, causing some eyes to turn at the two sides of Zetsu.

"Aw, snap… You're no fun, Zed." Ted whined.

"_You_ have an unbelievably lousy sense of appreciating floral beauty. Let's check that part out."

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE AUCTION IS ABOUT TO START!"

"Zed, Zed, Zed!! There's an auction! Let's check that out instead." Ted 'pulled' Zed to the auction corner. This time, due to his own curiosity, Zed followed Ted's lead.

There were a lot of weird and awesome plants in the auction. For example: a Technicolor Orchid, an orange seed that shaped like Asura Pein (Zed laughed hard at that), a Wolverine Rose (just like its name, the thorns are painfully long), a lettuce that has black specks that formed the word 'sex', and a thong made of apple peels. Zetsu was not interested in any of that and Zed was about to whine when the announcer boomed:

"And now…the last object in our today's auction… please welcome… the Amaterasu Sunflowah!!!"

A series of 'ooh' and 'aah' were heard as the sunflower emerged from the floor using a mechanic elevator. Its colors gradated from dark red in the middle until it brightened up into bright yellow on the tips of the petals. The stem was freshly green, the leaves were wide and there was two strange bulging on quarter way to the pot. The stem thinned again and on the soil, it bulged again and wider—probably the bulb.

Zed and Ted were drooling over the humongous and graceful flower. Ted's yellow eyes bulged with awe; Zed's black arm tried to reach the flower but it was three feet too far away from him. He deemed that he heard _'Do you believe in love at first sight? I think you do.'_ which was the chorus of one of Shrek the Third's soundtrack called _Best Days _inside of his head but was too amazed to even simply aware of it_._

"First bid: 100 dollaz."

Zetsu twitched as the other auctioneers spat out their bids, quickly and increasingly.

"200!"

"300! This is for Leonidas!"

"500!"

"501!"

"700!"

"899!"

"One thousand!" both of Zetsu's side shouted. They panted furiously, glaring at nearly everybody.

"One thousand and two hundred." said another auctioneer. Zetsu snapped his head to look at the threatening auctioneer. She was lumpy and snobbish looking. Her nose—according to Ted's opinion—was flat as an ironing board and her shoes seemed like it was about to snap off from her feet that was as lumpy as the rest of her body. Her dress was made of satin and bright red with blue and yellow lilies. Since it was a thin fabric, Zetsu had to resist the urge to reflux his breakfast earlier this morning at the nine-year-old kid that stood between him and the woman. Her breasts…OMIGOD!!! It looked like water balloons stuck to her chest through surgery and her dress failed to hide the 'bounciness'. Even Mrs. Norbit didn't look this awful! Nor did the contestants in The Biggest Loser! God! What kind of creature was that?!?!

Zetsu narrowed his – no, their, there was Zed and Ted inside Zetsu. So from now on, I will describe Zetsu as they! – their eyes on the woman, hissing, "Trying to pick up a fight, eh?" He took a deep breath… "2000!!"

"2200!!"

"2294!!"

"2500!!"

"2690!!"

"2700!!"

"2999 and that's final! Retort back and you'll be sorry, bitch!" Zetsu yelled at the woman. The woman was offended and held her chin higher, narrowing her eyes at the bipolar.

"Oh? How are you going to do that?" she asked threateningly.

"I ask you first, woman, do you like salt or pepper?" Zed asked, but the woman didn't realize that Zetsu had two different voices.

"Pepper. Salt is bad for my blood pressure. And why, by the love of God, do you ask me that? It's irrelevant to what we are arguing right now!"

"Nothing…and indeed, salt is a bit unhealthy. Pepper it is…you're going to be a delicious meal…" Zed licked his pitch black-skinned lips. He smiled menacingly horrifying; the nine-year-old kid was so terrified, his bathroom business accidentally stained his underpants and his ice cream had to have an unfortunate fate as it splat to the dirty ground.

The woman squealed, fell to the ground causing the earth to wobble and there she went. Zetsu stared at other people and the people turned away and whistled innocently.

"Well?" Zetsu asked angrily.

"Um, uh…the Amaterasu Sunflowah falls to the plant-like guy for 2999 dollaz!!!" the announcer shouted using the microphone.

Applause, applause.

But Zetsu was deafened by the sunflower's beauty and he felt like having very weak pair of knees as he touched the pot of the sunflower. "Ooh…you're ours now…" they said.

Zetsu's days was about to get brighter.

* * *

Madara eyed at a medium-sized fish in a big salt water tank. Something about it made his eyes glued to it. Tobi was playing with the Koi fish and stopped when Madara called him. "What is it, Madara? Does Madara wants to buy this fish?" he asked.

"No, I'm not interested in fish. But look over here! Does this fish remind you of someone?" Madara pulled Tobi's collar so that he bent down to the fish's level. Tobi snorted and Madara snickered along with him. "It really looks like him, isn't it?!"

Tobi barked out and covered his mouth from letting out more boisterous laughter. "It really does look like Kisame-senpai…" he wheezed before snorted like a pig.

"Probably this is his cousin! HAHAHAHA!!!"

While the twins had their fit, the other visitors avoided them. Even some of the fish stopped swimming only to look at them. A kid asked to his mother, "Mommy, the guys are laughing at a shark!"

"Ignore them, kiddo. And don't be like them…" the mother said, pulling her child away from Madara and Tobi.

Madara took a deep breath and wiped a tear of joy. "Whoa…never had I laughed at an animal this hard. Sorry, sharky, no personal grudges from me! C'mon, Tobi let's move from here." Madara pulled Tobi away from the fist stand. Now there was only one left. The bird and poultry stand!

"Birds…" Madara scowled. "I hope they don't explode like your senpai's clay birds."

"That's silly! If these birds explode, they will be dead! That is so horrible." Tobi whimpered at the image of exploding birds.

"Horrible my ass…"

"Horrible my ass! Horrible my ass! Squawk!"

"You say somethin'?" Madara asked Tobi.

"That was not Tobi. Maybe it's Madara's new imaginary friend!" Tobi answered, turning to play with a little canary.

"I've enough with imaginary friends. One of them turned to be true…" Madara shook his head, turning to see an eagle that caught his attention.

"Imaginary friends my ass! Squawk!"

Tobi gasped comically, "Madara! How could you?! Tobi has been with Madara since he and Tobi are kids! How can Madara insult Tobi like that?!?!" Pumpkin Boy exclaimed in protest.

"For crying out loud, Tobi, I didn't say anything! And I wasn't insulting you! Plus, you were not my imaginary friend! You're my twin _brother_!" Madara retorted.

"Oh. OK, then." Tobi headed to see a flock of crows when the voice blurted out again.

"Twin brother my ass! Squawk!"

"What?! How dare you, Tobi! I saved your ass countless of times and that's what you gave me in return?!" Madara shouted, his eyes showed disbelief and ever-boiling anger.

"Tobi didn't say that!! Tobi loves Madara! Tobi would never say such a thing! Tobi is a good boy!!" Tobi retorted.

Madara's eyebrows slanted, "Then who was it?"

Tobi shrugged, and Madara decided to shrug as well. They turned around to see a different bird again.

"My ass! Squaw—"

"I knew you say it!" Madara growled at Tobi.

"But it came from Madara's direction! Madara, are you trying to lie?!" By this time, the twins' foreheads met as they rammed each other head on. They glared and growled until they realize that neither of them was squawking.

"Squawk! Good boy! Squawk! Twin brother! Squawk! Madara!"

"That's…totally not us." Madara said and retreated from head-butting Tobi.

"Then who is it?" Tobi asked, scratching his head in confusion. The squawking…squawked again. The twins' heads turned to the side: Madara to the left, Tobi to the right. There, clutching to its glorious post, stood a rose-colored cockatoo with scarlet crest on its head that stood, turning itself into a punk bird.

"Madara! Squawk! Twins! Squawk! Good boy! Squawk!" the cockatoo squawked innocently (so it seems).

"Huh. A talking bird…let's try again. Say my name, birdy." Madara said, bending his hips to have a close look on the pinkish bird.

The cockatoo tilted its head to the side, straighten it again before squalling, "Madara! Squawk!"

Madara – who usually was not amused by silly animals – smirked when the cockatoo said his name again. He encouraged himself to touch it and, much to Tobi's surprise, the cockatoo jerked its head forward to Madara's palm, rubbing against it. Madara lowered his arm and the cockatoo jumped onto it. "Heh, I like this little fella. Noisy it may be, but it's surely fun to have it hanging around."

"Good to see Madara being friendly with an animal!" Tobi chirped. He reached its back, but the cockatoo opened its wings and ruffled its feather to its order. "Aw…why does the cockatoo doesn't want to be touched by Tobi? Tobi has a great passion for animals!"

Madara shrugged and tried to pat the bird's back. The pink bird opened its wings again. "I guess it doesn't like to be touched on the back. It likes to be pat on the head or on the neck."

"Oh. Tobi wants to try!" Tobi pat the bird on its head and it liked it as it whistled. "Aw…! It whistled too! It's so cute!!!"

Madara chuckled and put the bird back to its previous post. He gave the bird a last rub in the neck when Tobi called him.

"Let's find Zetsu-san! Tobi hopes he's finished!"

"Yeah." Madara turned to follow Tobi but a certain voice (or call) made him stop and turn for one last time. He was mocking himself inside but…nevertheless… "Tobi, you go find Zetsu. I, uh, need to go to the toilet." Madara said.

"OK! Tobi will be on that hotdog corner!"

"Right!"

* * *

And so, Tobi ventured through the crowded expo, looking for a certain two-in-one guy with a Venus Flytrap that disguised as a (too) high-collared robe. Luckily, with the notable appearance, it wasn't hard to find them. Tobi found them immediately, sitting on a chair in the hotdog corner he told Madara about. Tobi was rushing toward them but slowly stopped as his confusion pulled the handbrake of his feet. He scratched his head, wondering to whom was Zetsu smiling so romantically at.

He approached them and was flabbergasted to see Zetsu's 'date'. His eyes opened wide like an opera curtain in the beginning of the show being pulled open to start the first tenor or soprano note. The fact of who or what Zetsu's date was much more jaw-gaping than the fact that Zetsu was dating. OK, Zetsu's date might be beautiful, but…a _FLOWER?_ Of course, flower was a living thing, God's being, breathes air, but can someone actually in _love_ – love, as in, husband and wife kind love. Love as in Taylor Swift's song themes – with this stay-on-the-spot being? Since the guy was half-breed, I guess that could make sense…a bit.

"Zetsu-san…?" Tobi half-asked half-called. "Wha…"

"Oh, Tobi!" Zetsu called him cheerfully. "Come! Let me introduce you to my new girlfriend, Ama-chan!"

Tobi laughed half-heartedly and waved at the sunflower. _Madara is going to laugh at Tobi._

"We met just a few minutes ago in the auction. I saved her from a hideous looking woman by paying the auction guy 2999 dollars. I can't let a delicate and pretty blossom like her taken by a horrid incarnation of whale blubber like that woman. Ugh!" he shivered, "Seriously, Tobi, that woman was _scary!_ She was the first human to make me sick just by seeing her!"

"Uh…Tobi can't imagine." Tobi shook his head as he took a seat beside Ama-chan. He knew from a long time ago that Zetsu can talk to plants. "So, Zetsu-san, Ama-chan is a…what?"

"She's an Amaterasu Sunflower. I don't know where the species came from, I think she's a special breed." Zetsu shrugged before circling Zed's arm around the pot of Ama-chan.

"She does look…special. Tobi never see a sunflower like her. Ama-chan and Zetsu-san are so alike!"

"You think so?! Do you hear that, Ama-chan? Tobi said we have a lot in common!" Zetsu turned to Tobi who had just ordered a jumbo Wiener hotdog from a bald waiter and said, "And you know what else? Amaterasu Sunflower – as the breeder had said to me – is able to maintain its own temperature, like a ferret. So I don't have to worry about it being a bulb again when summer's over." Then, probably for the first time in fanfiction history, Zetsu leaned and kissed the flower's petals.

Tobi smiled softly looking at Zetsu who turned into someone else ever since the flower entered his life. "It's not everyday to see Zetsu-san this happy with something." Tobi remarked, resting his cheeks on his palms.

"Yeah, I know. What about you? Gotta make a move before someone else takes your girl." Zetsu (at least Ted) smirked deviously.

Tobi blushed; without his mask, he couldn't hide it. To his relief, his order came, the jumbo Wiener hotdog. "OH BOY!!! Itadakimasu!" Tobi made his first bite. His cheeks reddened in delight. "OMG!!! It's so delicious!"

"Oh yeah. Tobi, where's Madara?"

"He vent tho the thoilet!" Tobi answered, still munching his hotdog. Swallow. "He'll be right here."

"Oh, I think I see him." Ted said.

"Ah, yeah! Me too. But what's that on his shoulder?" Zed added.

Curious, Tobi – who had just taken a next bite – turned to see his brother. It was either the bread or the sausage's fault he coughed and choked. He pounded on his chest and gulped his bottle of water quickly.

Madara who just came raised one of his eyebrows. "Hey, kid, you OK?" he asked.

"Choking! Squawk!" OH! The cockatoo from earlier!

"Tobi thought…Madara went to the toilet." Tobi panted.

"No…sorry for lying. But looks like this little fella had put some hex on my eyes and heart and made me buy him. Actually, he was for auction and I won him by bidding 5000 dollars." Madara let his new feathery friend to stand on the table while he sat on the chair next to Tobi.

"_That_ much for a bird?!" Zetsu and Tobi exclaimed in surprise.

Madara shrugged. "What can I do? The bidders are ferocious. Oh, and there's this woman that sorta look like a cow fat incarnation or something and we fought over the price for Merlin here." Madara replied, rubbing his fingers on the pink cockatoo named _Merlin_.

"Wait a minute…" Zed cut off. "You named it what?"

"He! Squawk!"

"Zed! You offended Merlin! Yes, Merlin's a boy! And what's more? He's guaranteed bird flu free!" Madara exclaimed.

"OK. Sorry. So…why Merlin?"

Madara shrugged again, "It just came. Look, the breeder even made an adoption form for him." Madara gave the adoption form to Zetsu who read it carefully. Madara noticed Ted's eyebrow rose.

"Merlin Leadbeater Uchiha?" Ted asked, pausing in every word, just to make it less tongue-twisting.

"That's his full name. Merlin is his given name; Leadbeater is his species or race name; Uchiha is, well, family name. I always did that to all my pets, regardless of what animal they are. Like…I used to have a dog named Monty Terrier Uchiha." Madara answered proudly, stealing one of Tobi's French fries that was served along with the hotdog.

"A terrier, huh? And why do you always name your pets with names that started with letter 'm'?" Zed asked.

"Simple! My name is started with 'm'."

"Right…" Zetsu returned the form to Madara who folded it and tucked it securely to one of his zipped pockets. "Oh, meet our new girlfriend, Ama-chan!"

Madara twitched; in order to make the situation remain cool, Tobi kicked his shin from under the table. "Hello…" Madara greeted uncertainly. "She's, um…pretty."

"We know!"

"Whoa, what a change…" Madara whispered.

"Tobi was surprised too. But look at him: so happy with Ama-chan." Tobi whispered back, dabbing his mouth clean from tomato sauce.

"You don't wanna buy anything?" Madara asked.

Tobi scratched his chin for a while before shaking his head. "No. Tobi doesn't want to buy anything. Tobi comes only to see the animals."

* * *

The clock strike three p.m. by the time they return to the base, content. Even Madara – the so-called 'Frowny McDowny' – had a good time and actually buy something. For a talkative bird, Merlin didn't seem to really bother Madara. Maybe because all he did was to repeat the word Madara last said in a sentence, making him sound like he was supporting Madara.

Zetsu won't stop cuddling Ama-chan, the giant special breed sunflower. He also kissed her multiple times, enough to make Madara's mouth drop. We'll just have to wait for a few days and see if they made out.

Only Tobi who bought nothing from the expo, but he was happy to get to hug many different animals. Anyway, he has Nu-nu back at home. The only thing he was thinking right now was whether or not Nu-nu will accept Merlin to sleep in the same room as he and Madara. But since Merlin was Madara's pet, he thought it would be OK.

"Ah, crap." Madara swore silently, but loud enough to be heard by his two companions.

"What?" asked Tobi.

"Bullseye's back…"

Tobi swiftly looked for the person called Bullseye and there he was, standing in front of Akatsuki's base's backdoor. He was busy looking for the right key while the girl (who was definitely younger than him) behind him hung her head tiredly. Tobi gasped; with no further thinking, he shouted, "YORU-CHAAAN!!!!" As he shouted, Merlin's feathers ruffled and he beat his wings, hitting Madara in the process.

"Ugh…you'll get used to it." Madara said, calming his new pet-friend down.

"Yoru-chan! Squawk!"

"Yeah. That's Tobi's best friend."

"Best friend! Squawk!"

"Correct."

Yoru's heart jumped when Tobi shouted. _God, must he be that loud?_ she thought. Three days away from the base with Kakuzu made her forgot Tobi's clamor. She turned around only to be squashed by a boy in a man's body. She grunted; she really needed to get used to these habits again.

"Yoru-chan, Tobi missed you so much!!! Tobi felt so lonely! Tobi couldn't play with the others and Tobi had to drink with Madara everyday!" Tobi ranted, clamping his arms around Yoru's athletic-built body.

"Hey, you asked for it! It made you cheerful, anyway!" Madara retorted.

"Whoa! You drink alcohol?!" Yoru asked in disbelief.

"Only when Tobi's down." Tobi answered meekly.

Yoru was about to open her mouth but Madara cut her off. "Ask later. Hello, Kakuzu. It's 'good' to see you back." Madara hissed. On his shoulder, Merlin did the same thing and his crest stood.

"Good to see you too. Nice pet. I never knew you liked pink." Kakuzu replied coldly. Just as he finished his sentence, he found the right key into the base.

"No, I don't really like pink. But it was its personality that impressed me." Madara speechlessly told Merlin to hop onto his wrist so he could bring it closer to Kakuzu's face. "Meet Merlin Leadbeater Uchiha. I got him in the expo somewhere in this village."

"And Merlin cost—ummf!!!" Zetsu stifled Tobi before he got to state the price Madara bid for that bird. Yoru rolled her eyes. Of course…Kakuzu would go wise man wannabe when he heard the price and lectured Madara all night long – if he didn't get shot with Tsukuyomi.

The door was opened and – like yesterday – babies' wail welcomed them. Merlin beat his wings again, but since he was on Madara's wrist, his wings flapped onto Kakuzu's face instead.

"What the fuck…?" Kakuzu swore in disbelief, rage, and perplexity altogether. He turned to Madara who gave him a reassuring look that said that he couldn't do anything and Kakuzu's crush somehow got all the power. "Hello?" Kakuzu called.

"Nekuro-san? Konan? Pein?" Yoru called.

"We'll be in our room. I have to show Merlin his neighbor." Madara said, entering his room.

* * *

Tobi volunteered to open Yoru's bedroom door. Yoru walked in, thanked Tobi and put her travelling bag on the floor beside her bed. Tobi closed the door, thus hindered Kakuzu's yelling of anger at Hidan because the masochist brought his sons into the base.

The air got increasingly colder as the discomfiture between the two friends amplified. Yoru sat on her bed, knees met and her fingers twiddled. It was Tobi who first broke the silence. "So how was the mission? Hard?" he asked, trying to be polite at first.

"We got tricked. Somehow the target knows he's been spied on. I guess I wasn't stealth enough. Kakuzu was quite kind not to blame me. Anyhow, it's a success!" Yoru ended her sentence with a wide smile.

Tobi smiled back. "That's great!" Then the silence came by again. Tobi turned to the door, his hand on the knob. "Tobi will leave Yoru-chan alone. Yoru-chan's tired, right?"

"Tobi, wait!"

The knob didn't turn; the door didn't open. Tobi was tied on the spot by a longing embrace from a friend – though for only three days – he had missed so much. His fingers froze and so did his legs. He never knew Yoru possessed an Ice chakra. Wait…she didn't.

Yoru pressed her face into Tobi's broad back; her arms tightened around his torso. "Don't go just yet…" she whispered.

Tobi's firstly surprised face softened; he released the knob from the firm grip of his fingers. He let Yoru pulled him more and more, though he knew there was no more gap between him and Yoru (save for their legs). "Yoru-chan…" he called.

"Hmm?"

"Can Tobi turn around and hug Yoru-chan?"

* * *

**Yayyez!!! NXK is back with a new chapter of I Spy round 2!!! No more difficult exams and all I need to wait is my graduation party! WAHOOO!!!**

**Huh...it's been a long time. This chapter's been through a lotta hardships that I need a diversion first before having a new idea. In my Quizilla account, I had this interactive story called 'Akatsuki Interview Session'. I've posted two result stories so far. And you know what else? I think this is my favorite chappie! Madara's got a pet! And it's a mother effing cockatoo. I don't even know where it came from. Thanks for reading...and waiting!**


	8. Get Away or Die

**-8- Get Away or Die -8-**

"Squawk!"

Twitch.

"Squawk!"

Grumble.

"Squawk!"

Growl.

"SQUAWK!!!"

"Shut the mother fucking beak, you damn poultry! Come here and suffer for Lord Jashin!!!" Hidan yelled, raising his three-bladed scythe towards Merlin the pink cockatoo. The bird squalled and flew over to Madara's embrace of protection. "You'll make a good Thanksgiving turkey, you son of a bitch…"

"Hey! Kill your own turkey! Merlin's for petting matter, not culinary!" Madara kicked Hidan smack on the face with his feet. The Jashinist tumbled on the floor with a sandal mark on his face. "It's OK, Merlin. Just squawk if you need me."

It had only been eight hours but Merlin already understood and capable to obey Madara without question. Now that only made Madara loved the talkative bird even more. However, the bird was too noisy for the others' liking. Well, not all others, only the people who usually yell at Tobi's morning-calls. Merlin seemed to love to barge in to people's conversation as well. So maybe that was also one thing that made most of Akatsuki got annoyed.

"It's been years since I last saw you taking care of an animal. Last time you had a grizzly bear cub named Mathilda." Nekuro stated, smiling at Merlin who whistled random tunes.

"Ah, yes…she was such a cute girl. Very big and cuddly for a cub. Too bad she's stupid; she can't tell which one is a grape and which one is a smoke pellet." Madara replied coldly before ending the sentence with a sip of hot coffee. "I told her not to open my weapon drawer…4500 times. 15 times per day."

"I guess bears are not designed to be intelligent." Kisame remarked.

"They aren't indeed."

"Well," said Hidan, standing up from his previously knocked-down position, "does this bird any smarter than your bear?" Hidan asked and fell again as Kakuzu playfully kicked his butt.

"Of course he is!" Madara showed Merlin a piece of paper with scribbles on it. Merlin tilted his head to the side, as if questioning what it was for. "Read it in Hidan's voice, boy." Madara commanded, "And if you do, this plum is for you."

Merlin's crest stood, telling Madara that he was thrilled to eat the fresh plum. So he settled his standing position and began to speak in Hidan's reciprocated voice, "Kakuzu's butt is flatter than a piece of paper. I have no interest in it."

Both Kakuzu and Hidan twitched. Kisame couldn't help himself but laugh the hardest. Madara chuckled and threw the plum he promised to Merlin; the bird charged at the plum savagely and began to pluck on it. Kakuzu's fist met Hidan's head in a speed of sound.

"OW!!!" Hidan howled in pain.

Kakuzu grabbed Hidan on the front of his red-clouded pajamas (which covered his chest, surprisingly) and slammed him to the nearest wall. "You son of a trash-digging mongrel! You make me look bad! Take back your words and I swear you can still see just well." Kakuzu snarled.

"YO! It wasn't me who said it! It's Babblesworth over there! I'm innocent!" Hidan defended.

"I found this piece in your diary!!" Madara shouted, pointing at the piece of paper he told Merlin to read. Kakuzu growled at his partner, this time fiercer.

"You're lucky it's in your diary—which is supposed to be private—but if you ever said that kind of thing again, I swear to all my savings that I will make you think that writing is not a good idea." He let go of his pajamas and angrily drank his coffee. Hidan, on the other side, glared at Merlin who straightened his crest and tilted his head to the side.

"I'm watching you…bird…"

Just as Hidan's figure disappeared behind the walls, another two appeared, arguing. Everyone thought it was Zetsu, but Zetsu was to figures in one meat. This was two figures in two meats. "Danaaaa…! Come on! Help me do it this time!"

"I've had it with your 'Avenged Sevenfold' thingy majigy! I quit being your partner-in-crime! I'll just be your…partner! _JUST _partner!" Sasori yelled back at the blonde. Sasori appeared completely; his foot was dragged because his 'just partner' hugged his leg, bribing him to do more dirty work.

"Please! Only you can do it, Dana! And Avenged Sevenfold is a cool band. Please, Dana! I'm begging you!" Deidara wailed. Sasori speechlessly told Kisame to help him get Deidara away from his feet. Kakuzu helped as well, because he was sick of the blonde's ranting.

"What is wrong with you artistic couple?" Madara asked,_ slightly_ annoyed. Hmm…looks like Merlin acted as a stress relief as well. Who knew! Merlin is a borderline Mary-Sue! Not…

"We're not couples! And Clayface here demanded for my help on having another in-house combat with Itachi! ARGH!" Sasori stumbled into the cupboard as Kakuzu and Kisame managed to pull off Deidara from his feet. Good thing the cupboard was (momentarily) empty, or else Konan would go nuts—as well as Kakuzu.

"Dana, please! Help meeee!!!"

"Shut up, ya big baby!" Kakuzu slapped him.

"What am I doing here anyway? I'm a puppet! Puppets don't eat! This is all because of you…I need to go back to my room. I have a new puppet to finish." Sasori ended his sentence in a threatening hiss. Merlin squawked and hid under Madara's red-clouded cloak.

Madara narrowed his eyes. "Perfect…" he purred evilly. Merlin came out of his cloak and squawked.

"Puppets! Squawk!"

**)))-(((**

Pein massaged his temples. Now everybody knew what sign was that. "Madara…" Pein called unenergetically. Madara just turned to face him nonchalantly. "Why do you have to bring Merlin to the office?"

Madara grinned mischievously, "He has his uses! You'll see. What?"

"He's so effing noisy!!!" Pein roared.

"If that's your problem, why don't you just tell me? Merlin, stay quite, understood?"

Merlin made a 'shh' sound and became completely silent. Pein stared at the pink bird wide-eyed, amazed with its talents and obedience. "Wow…"

"I know! Like master, like pet!" Madara grinned, rubbing hid finger against Merlin's neck. "Now, with Sasori's new little project. Whoa, I just realized I didn't spy anyone yesterday! Nor did during our house party!"

"Wait! Madara! Tobi's going to join!" Tobi hollered, slamming the door to the wall (like the old days) and ran to the seat near Madara's. In his arms, he held Nu-nu the miniaturized elephant.

"Fine, but you don't have to slam on the door." Madara scolded at his brother and the three men began to observe Sasori's secretive life.

* * *

The blue print was massive, and blue. In front of the print, sat Sasori, cross-legged with his back toward the print, looking serious. In front of Sasori, there scattered unattached pieces of a puppet. As you could easily guess, he was making a new puppet. What was it for, only God, plus the Neo I Spy Squad know.

"Dana!!! Please help me!!! I need you right now!" Deidara's wailing breached the door. Out of the blue, Sasori snapped the pencil he had been holding. His wooden teeth (?) clattered as he gritted them in fury.

"Get your ass outta here!!! Why don't you just do something productive like babysitting!!!???" Sasori yelled.

"Fuck no! I ain't having Clayface as a babysitter!" Hidan interjected, much to Sasori's dismay.

"Well, then leave me alone!!!" Sasori put his ears in alert state, spotting any footsteps that sounded like Deidara. It was getting far away…good! "I have to make things quick before I completely lost my humanity and that kid can mock me around like I was nothing!"

* * *

"What is Sasori-senpai making, Madara?" Tobi asked.

"What do you think?"

"A puppet."

Madara didn't answer. His eyes staring matter-of-factly.

"But what puppet?"

"Why should I care?" Madara shrugged, playing with Merlin's feather.

Pein smirked, "Who knew? Maybe he was planning to throw you down. Sasori is a _genius_, remember?"

"Ha. But I'm _powerful_, remember? Only in a breath, Sasori will become no better than dust. No one can stop me from ruling over the world." Madara stated proudly. After a few minutes of silence, Merlin squawked, approving Madara.

"Powerful! Squawk!"

"Look who's talkin'…."

Tobi pulled Madara's sleeves. "Madara, look at Sasori-senpai!" he exclaimed.

Madara and Pein followed Tobi's eyes to the screen and what they saw nearly made their eyes plopped out. "What the f—" Madara could never finish the sentence; the shock…it was so intense! Sasori had created a new puppet! In…27 seconds! Wow! A new world record!

"You know what, Pein," Madara mumbled, "He is a genius."

* * *

There were no bugs in Sasori's room. Not even a single ant or termite that usually consumes on wood. Heck, not even a flea! Well, maybe because Sasori had put an anti-bug barrier around his room in a form of toxic. Wait, but the toxic made his room dirty and Sasori was a hygienic puppet. Oh, I think I see why. The bugs ran away not because of toxic, not because of Sasori's wooden odor, but because of something…out of himself. His _**GRIN. EVIL SMIRK. SINISTER SMILE.**_

Yes…Akasuna no Sasori was now Smiley Sasori. The puppet he managed to finish in twenty-seven seconds had brought back his overweight pride. Why didn't he ever think of this before? Why did he create stupid stage puppets instead of _this?_ WHY did he create 'Hey, Arnold' puppet instead of _this_ magnificent inanimate creature?

Sasori jerked his head backward, his hands held high in accomplishment, his sound box vibrated to create an evil laughter you've seen in movies. The thunder beat as he shouted. "IT'S **ALIVE**!!!" he shouted boisterously; for once in a few moons, his mouth opened so wide.

Clatter, clatter, clatter.

"Please. You should've roar, goddammit! ROAR!! Like how Carmen always does every time Hidan stole her Bratwurst!" Sasori scolded his newly made puppet. He sighed and face-palmed, "Oh, well. I can't really rely on that. Sound boxes cost a fortune and I'm not as rich as Kakuzu. ("HAHA!!" shouted Kakuzu.) Anyway, you are here to protect me from anyone that is trying to annoy me. I don't care who it is! Just clobber them down! And your name is Frankenkong!"

The gorilla puppet stood on its hind legs and pounded on its chest. It clattered again when it opened its mouth. Luckily, Frankenkong's clatter was covered by Sasori's sinister laugh. The thunder clashed again.

* * *

Madara squinted, so did Pein. Tobi had hid under the table when the thunder rolled. Merlin squawked and Nu-nu trumpeted. "That guy…"

"…is nuts." Pein finished.

"Nuts! Squawk! Pistachio, almond, chestnut, hazelnut, cashew, pine nut, candlenut, coconut! Squawk!!!"

Silence and silent stares. Madara and Pein eyed at the pink bird with plain shock/amazement/ confusion/what-effing-ever, while Merlin himself tilted his head to the side.

"Squawk?"

"Somebody knows his agriculture studies." Pein remarked.

"That's new to me too." Madara turned to Pein. "What made you so happy?"

"Huh?" Pein squinted.

"The thunder…" Madara specified, his hand gesturing towards the sky.

Pein's eyes widened and he exclaimed, "Oh! Right!" he paused for a while before finally roaring in laughter. "He said Frankenkong! HAHAHA!!! What the fuck?! I thought it would be Frankerilla, but noooOOOooo…" Snorts, giggles, snorts, "HAHAHAhaha…haha…hee…he…he…. OK, I had my fit. Wow!"

"You must be tortured under the banned urge of laughing, weren't you?" Madara asked. He was now four feet away from his vice president, inching away while the pierced redhead was in a hysteric state.

"What can I say? I have an unhappy childhood!" Pein shrugged.

Madara squinted badly, "You were screwed. I must've done something to you that you can turn to be like this."

* * *

Sasori was now walking like a celebrity on the hallway, Franky (that's how everybody calls Frankenkong), strode behind him, glaring here and there. Sasori went to the bathroom and Franky came along with him. The rest of the base's inhabitant only gawped at him and his new little—technically, it's big—creation.

Deidara was the first one to beam. "Dana's got a new toy! Yes! You're going to suffer, Uchiha!" Deidara pointed one accusing finger at the now-can-see Itachi who scowled. "Artistic Duo is going to rule!!"

"I thought Madara will rule the whole world with us as his 'Dementors'." Itachi mumbled coldly before heading to the kitchen, to get his sixth breakfast chocolate.

"What's Sasori doing in the freaking bathroom?" asked Hidan. He was apparently free of babysitting job as his boys were sleeping and that Konan had put A LOT of sound-proof papers around his room.

"What is he doing? Taking a bath, of course!" Deidara answered rudely, irritated by the obvious question.

"I know about the basic part of using the fucking bathroom! I meant, what is he doing in the bathroom _WITH_ his oak wood King Kong?" Hidan snapped.

All activities stopped with a loud tire screeching. Zetsu—who happened to pass—tripped on their own feet and tumbled on the floor. Itachi somehow became blind again and his mouth met the wall in a remorseless BONK! Samehada flew to hit Hidan upside the head.

"YOW!!!" Hidan screamed before muffling his voice from being too loud, hence awakening his babies. "What the fuck are you hitting me for?!"

"I'm hitting you to shut up." Kisame answered bitterly.

The bathroom door opened and Sasori poked himself out. "What was that noise about? I was talking with Franky when one of you shouted." Sasori interrogated sternly. But what he got was a mute and the sound of the water pump in the bathroom. Everyone else was too flabbergasted to speak, let alone make a sound. "What? Why are you guys staring at me like that?"

Much to anyone's alarm, the Laundromat was just _in front and a little steps to the left_ of the bathroom. To make things worse, the Laundromat mistress aka Yoru had the duty to collect dirty clothes so she stepped outside and… "By the love of God and my mother!!!" Whoosh! Yoru quickly ran to hide under the laundry basket belonged to Kisame.

Finally, the most talkative inhuman of Akatsuki managed to blurted (actually screamed) loudly, "GAAH! BY THE NAME OF JASHIN!! Sasori! Oh my Jashin! You have none of those entities!!! WHAT IN THE NAME OF JASHIN ARE YOU?!?! GOD! Are you even a male!!?? I know you're not human! But…EOOOWWW!!!!" Hidan lost his breath at the last caterwauling. However, what he said was all true.

Sasori looked down, especially to where his crime mates were staring at so sickeningly intently. He just shrugged, "What's wrong with it? It's not like I'm going to make any children." Sasori headed back to the bathroom, whistling nineties song.

"That was…disturbing…" Deidara mumbled, after gulping a thick mold of saliva down his throat.

"And they said Chucky was scary!" Yoru added, coming out of Kisame's laundry basket with the help of the owner himself.

"Promise to yourself not to mention this anytime, anyplace, on any occasion." Kisame said quickly. The others just nodded ten times quicker than his speech. Then they all went back to work, shivering and, in Yoru's case, _**scarred!**_

**(A/N: That was completely random. Fuck all those writer's block and the erotic escape hatch I have in my neural system!!! **_**This**_** is the perfect example of what happens to me when I'm running out of ideas! On with the show!)**

* * *

Just like those people outside the bathroom, the three inside the office were now vomiting in the trash bin together, harmoniously. Tobi quickly rushed to the snack cabinet and grabbed the nearest sweets and devour it.

"My God…" Madara wheezed. "That's so bad! Worse than bad! That was terrible!!" Pein couldn't answer, too scarred by the brackets and footnotes in the definition of 'Eternal Art'.

"Has none! Has none! Squawk! Sasori has no—"

"Merlin! Shut the fucking beak up or I'm gonna lock you in a hamster cage!!" Madara, for once, yelled at his beloved and prided cockatoo. With that, Merlin shut up with a last 'tweet' of disappointment.

"Mommy and Konan-chan are so lucky not to see that." Tobi squeaked.

"You're right. And Uncle Scrooge didn't see it too. Though I think he might've liked it…" Madara headed for the mini refrigerator. "Liqour, anyone?"

"Please!" Pein raised his hand in agreement.

* * *

Sasori had finished his bath, this time he had clothes on. Even puppets need bath, or else they will be as smelly as trees rubbed by rhinocerous' butt. Franky strode behind him, following him to his next destination: the living room.

When Sasori said, "Yo." Deidara and Zetsu (the regular afternoon show watchers) jumped in surprise and the previous mentioned and vomited at scene played in their heads again. They shook it off before replying the 'yo' with timid "Hi." or "Eep!"

Sasori raised one of his ostensibly artificial red eyebrows in a puzzled manner. Damn, does this person have no sense of shame?! Deidara quickly divert his attention to the show and Zetsu just followed his cue.

"You guys are acting strange." Sasori mumbled crossly, somehow reminded Zetsu of Severus Snape.

"Well, who wouldn't?" Zed spat out.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, going out of the bathroom naked is not something that we can just kick out of our minds." Zed continued.

"Well, I guess you're just being totally perversed."

"It's not that that was the matter, Dana." Deidara interjected but was too taboo-struck to continue.

"So what was?"

"Gosh, I dunno how to put this…"

Zed rolled his eyes, "Listen here, Chucky! The fact that you had lost one of your utmost important mannish organs is what that bothers us!" Zed yelled furiously and nearly banging his head to Sasori's, hoping the puppet's forehead would crackle.

Sasori sighed, "Right…sorry."

Twenty minutes of awkward LCD screen watching, Deidara had the guts to speak again, regardless of the disturbing scenes that kept playing and rewinding and playing again in his mind…like a broken VHS player. Heck, does VHS still exist?

"Um…hey, Dana…?" Deidara asked meekly; Sasori glanced lazily at him. "Is that thing—Franky, as you call it—gonna help me and my crusade?"

Wrong question.

"You still dare to speak to me about that stuff?!" Sasori roared, followed by Franky standing on its hind legs. "I told you I had enough of those stuff and Frankenkong is to prevent you from talking to me about that matter!!!"

"AAAIIIEEE!!!! Dana, I'm truly sorry! Please, spare me! Alright, I won't talk about it!!!" Deidara wept on Sasori's wooden toes, kissing them despite that he was disgusted.

Franky crawled on four legs again and Sasori sat down. Ted hit Deidara on the back of the head before standing (so laboriously) up. "We gotta go back to our room. Ama-chan must've missed us."

Deidara made a squeaking noise directed at Zetsu. The squeak that secretly meant 'NUUU!! Don't leave me!!' but alas, Zetsu didn't want to spend more time with Sasori. Not more than thirty minutes. That was even because they had to; they were watching Ghost Hunters and they wouldn't want to miss it. Deidara whimpered; he brought his knees closer to his chest and whimpered.

A wooden arm sling across his shoulders, making Deidara's goose bumps to stand stiffly. He warily glanced at the genius puppet master. The Akasuna was _smiling_. "Don't worry Deidara, I won't bite…" he muttered sweet-sadistically.

_Help me!_ Deidara squealed in his inner mind.

Lucky for Deidara, Kakuzu, as he counted a new stockpile of cash, saw the Artistic Duo on the living room's couch with a gorilla beside the older 'seme'. Kakuzu squinted one of his eyes and bluntly stated, "Hey, you Artistic Semeuke! Do you mind get a room for your PDA? Gah! Now I lost count of my monthly payment because of your PDA. Oh, you bought a new monkey, Sasori?"

As if offended, Franky stood on its rear legs and started to pound on its chest. It roared wooden jaws clatter—which somewhat ruined the scariness. Still…it was scary nonetheless. Kakuzu ducked and hopped from the gorilla puppet's wild flying punch.

"Hey, Sasori! What did I say?" Kakuzu yelled as he blocked one wooden punch using his hardened hands. "Stop this thing, will ya!"

"I didn't do anything!!" Sasori yelled back. "Looks like Franky have a mind of his own…" Sasori grinned apologetically and goofily.

"Well then, do something!"

Sasori looked around; trying to find something that hopefully could distract Franky from Kakuzu. That distraction was actually no longer than an inch. "Hey, Franky!!!" Sasori whistled, calling the puppet-rilla. "Look what I got! I have one big ass banana!!" Sasori shouted, pulling Deidara's blonde hair, shaping it like a banana and sprayed an excessive amount of hairspray (so not green!) on it.

"Hey, hey, hey! What the fuck! That's my hair, let it go!!!" Deidara protested.

"I can't!" Sasori shouted as he ran through the hallway, luring the puppet gorilla somewhere he himself hadn't thought of yet. Kakuzu chased the three of them, exhaling in frustration.

"Oi, Dana!" Deidara called.

"What?!"

"Is it just me or is that a coconut Franky's holding?!"

"Oh my God!! The Coconut Catapult! Run faster!!!"

Sasori and Deidara marathoned and screamed as Franky stampeded and clattered. Kakuzu just followed them silently and had lost his will to run and decided to walk fast instead. They were about to pass Hidan's room and the head of Nekuro slowly walked out of Hidan's room. Deidara—Nekuro's new godchild—gasped and shouted, "Mama Nekuro! Move away! There's a gorilla going ape!!!"

Nekuro jumped in startle as Sasori and Deidara dashed in front of her. "Deidara? Gorilla and ape are the same!" Nekuro shouted at them. Luckily, Hidan's room was already shut tight.

_PONK!!_

A coconut smacked Nekuro's back of her head. Franky kept stampeding, giving no care that it just offended a woman who gave no mercy in punishing. Nekuro furiously glared at the wooden monkey and with a fine fist thrust and twinkling-in-fury eyes, Franky returned to its former shape: wooden pieces.

"That's for throwing a coconut at an unsuspecting innocent people, bitch!!" she shouted.

Sasori and Deidara stopped; Sasori unconsciously dropped the blonde to the floor. He stealthily walked back to where Nekuro was. Kakuzu reached Nekuro and the shattered Franky first, amazed by the woman's strength. That made sense for where Madara's strength came from. Although he knew perfectly that Kisame can shatter Franky easier.

"Nekuro-hime!" Kakuzu called, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm alright. Thanks for asking." Nekuro smiled. So much for the She-Hulk mode.

Kakuzu ran his hand to the spot where the coconut hit her earlier. Kakuzu stared at her apprehensively, "Are you sure? That monkey threw you the coconut quite hard, you know. Who knows, maybe it'll leave a bruise."

"That was nothing, really. I've been through worse." Nekuro replied, putting her hand on top of Kakuzu's.

"That's good to hear." Kakuzu's edge of the mask rose, telling anyone who sees it that he was smiling. Too bad his mask hid the whole thing.

"MOM!" Madara and Tobi shouted at the same time, appearing between Kakuzu and Nekuro with anxious looks. Because of the impact, Kakuzu got knocked backwards. "My god, Mom! Are you alright?! Did you bleed?!" Madara asked frantically.

"Did Franky being a bad boy? Just tell Tobi if Mommy wants Tobi to punish Franky! Tobi is a good boy for protecting Mommy!!" Tobi flung his arms around his mother and so did Madara—much to anyone's surprise.

"Boys! I'm OK! I'm unharmed, see? WHOAH!!!" Nekuro stumbled backward with his boys. Madara devilishly and silently glanced back at Kakuzu who got up sitting from being knocked off by the Uchiha twins. Madara grinned deviously before continued suffocating his mother in a crushing dual embrace.

Kakuzu grumbled in annoyance and muttered, "Mommy's bastards…"

Sasori dropped to his knees before the pieces of his newly made and newly destroyed Frankenkong; he gathered all the pieces and started to tearlessly weeping. "Franky!! Don't leave me!"

"Earth to Sasori! That monkey nearly clobbered my head flat!!" Kakuzu snapped at the redheaded puppet. "Yet you still cry for it?!"

"Franky was my son! He's barely twenty four hours old!" Sasori wailed.

Kakuzu huffed, "I thought you don't want to make any children."

And so, today's morning and afternoon was closed with a man's cry over his 'son' and a mother's shout to her sons to get off of her. The real babies were sleeping tightly, so did the masochist father. But…was that it?

* * *

Sigh…it came from a man with a vivid red hair and piercing along his nose bridge. Well, you know who it was. Sigh again, "They leave me alone again…" Pein mumbled. "I guess I better go out and have a brunch."

Pein opened the office's door and SPLASH! Whoa? Where did the water come from? Oh! There was Konan! She was…holding…a bucket. A bucket full of…not sunshine! But full of…water from the leaking ceiling above the door. Pein accidentally knocked the bucket off Konan's hand (who held it by the handle and the bucket was held below the door frame level) and caused the water to splash all over him. Well, yes, it was a big leakage on the ceiling.

"Oops…"

**This is the weirdest episode ever, isn't it? Maybe because it's made under pressure. I mean, I was really in a writer's block but still insists to work on it. So there you have it, the naked Sasori scene. Now is it just me or does Sasori ALWAYS turns into a pervert anytime possible in my fanfictions? Hell! I even have a oneshot about him watching porno!**

**Sasori: Thou shalt pay!!!**

**NXK: Gomen, Sasori!!!**


	9. Too Late for Christmas, Isn't It?

**-9- Too Late for a Christmas, Isn't It? -9-**

Everybody cheers!!! This is a one in a million phenomenon! There's snow in Amegakure! Whee!! Applause! Applause! Blow your trumpets! Go outside your house and play! And—

"Grrmmhhh…….!!"

—let Pein-sama alone.

Konan took out the thermometer from Pein's mouth. Madara, wearing a surgical mask for bacteria pass-over prevention, peered over her shoulders. "102 degrees."

"Celsius?!" Madara exclaimed in disbelief.

"No. Fahrenheit." Konan answered coolly.

"Oh. Well that's relieving."

"Not for me!" Pein growled. "I'm having a fever! All thanks for getting wet and somebody's lowered the temperature of the air conditioner into _sixteen_ and maximized the fan's power into five bars!!!" Pein snapped, particularly to no one. He was about to rant more if Madara didn't push a wet towel to his forehead.

"Not now, kid." Madara sighed and cupped his chin, "Now I need to rearrange the authority for a while. OK, Konan will keep her position, so I guess…Kakuzu could replace your position for a while." Madara concluded, nodding in agreement to himself.

Pein hoarsely squealed, "Not him! C'mon, Madara! What did I ever do to you?! Well…except shrinking you into a miniature…"

"I have no choice, you pipsqueak! Somebody's gotta take over your job and I can't, simply because I shouldn't be publicly telling everyone that I am the _dead_ Madara Uchiha!"

"But why Kakuzu…?"

"Because…" _**in your seat, he'll stay away from my mom.** _"Kakuzu is the most experienced member to rely on currently. Only if Tobi's mind isn't damaged and retarded like this, I would put him on the job." Madara patted Pein's head and walked out of his room. "Get a lot of rest, Deva!"

Ugh, he wished…

* * *

"Wake up, Madara! Wake up!!" Tobi cried excitedly, jumping up and down on the bed like a kid. Eh, he is still a kid.

Madara growled and covered himself under the blanket. "You don't have to go to school, Tobi. You're too big…" Madara mumbled drowsily.

"No! Tobi isn't going to school! Amegakure is snowing!" Tobi cheered and landed on the bed, sitting down.

Madara grunted and cuddled his bolster, "Ah, it's just a snow—S-SNOWING?!?!" Madara shouted and flung his blanket aside…only to put it back on again. "Holy shazbot…" he muttered, shivering. "Yep, it is snowing."

"Here! Tobi takes Madara's warm clothes! C'mon, let's get outside!!" Tobi hopped on the floor, throwing Madara his thick winter coat, sweater, and a pair of long pants. "Tobi will turn on the heater while Madara changes his clothes."

Shivering and quickly, Madara put on the sweater (which was also black with red clouds) and pulled up the pants. He looked at his little pink parrot that was still asleep. _He seemed fine, _Madara thought. Soon, his room got warmer and he sighed in relief.

"There goes the heater!" Tobi chirped.

"I wonder what caused the weather to snow." Madara muttered loudly.

"Since the weather in Amegakure is controlled by Pein-sama, maybe because Pein-sama is sick, Amegakure is snowing." Tobi answered.

"Oh, you're right! Damn, Tobi, you are getting smarter!"

"Tobi is a good boy! Now let's eat!"

When Madara stepped out of his room, all of the Akatsuki had their sweaters and jackets on. Everyone, except Sasori, that is. Kakuzu's clothes seemed to be the same, except that he wore a thick sweater instead of the open-back sweatshirt he usually wore. The most unusual thing was Hidan, because he couldn't show off his chest in this weather.

The older Uchiha shivered and rubbed his arms. "L-let's g-get s-somet-thing t-to eat." he stuttered.

"Come on!" both of the twins dashed to the dining room. Madara howled the whole way because the chill was killing him. They sat together; Madara was still shivering. "What's today's breakfast, Konan-chan?"

"Since it's so cold today, I'll be making a ghoulash for everybody." Konan answered from the kitchen.

"Eh?" Tobi whined, disappointed because it was not something sweet she was making today. On the other hand, his brother seemed delighted.

"Thank God!!!" Madara howled louder, deafening some of the people that were already sitting. Madara fidgeted and glanced at Tobi once in a while. He thought his little twin brother didn't notice him doing that, apparently he was wrong.

"Something wrong, Madara?" Tobi asked, tilting his head to the side.

Out of the blue, Madara wrapped his arms around Tobi who sweat-dropped. "Hug me, Tobi. The weather is deadly cold…"

"Whee!!! OK! Tobi hugs!!!" Tobi enthusiastically wrapped his arms around Madara.

"Aah…that feels so good. So warm…"

Nekuro laughed and poked Madara's head using one of her slim fingers. "You never can stand the snow, can't you?"

"I hate snow…"

"That's a shame, Madara. Tobi wants Madara to come and play snowball fight with Tobi and the others. C'mon, it'll be fun!!" Tobi bribed.

"Tobi's right, Madara." Yoru added. "You'll get to move a lot anyway. And the more you move, the warmer your body becomes."

Madara glared at the hooded girl, "I am _NOT_ going to make contact with the white substance coming from hell's sky!! I'd rather stay inside, drinking coffee and hot chocolate, watching R-rated movies and eat pasta! I might as well hibernate!"

"Gee, you're no fun." Yoru commented.

"It's OK, Yoru-chan! Tobi and Yoru-chan still can play together!"

* * *

"Ow! Hey, come back here!!" Deidara shouted; his head was covered in snow.

"Sasori-senpai, run!!" Tobi shouted and pulled Sasori from an enraging Deidara.

Meanwhile, someone was watching at them jealously. Or was it crossly? Madara watched the Akatsuki members that were playing with the snow outside. Even his mother was outside. Only he and Konan that were inside. Konan had to stay inside because he was taking care of Pein. Madara had three blankets covering him right now (one from his own room, one from Nekuro's room, the other from Kakuzu's). He sighed; his exhale formed white mist in front of his nose.

"You don't join them, Madara?" Konan asked from far behind him. Her tone was teasing.

Madara turned toward her with a big frown. "Do I look like I wanna join them?" Madara asked back gingerly.

"So this is the weakness of the almighty Madara, huh? The cold?"

"Rather than taunting me, just tell me…" Madara paused, he was thinking of a good excuse. Finding none, he used _that_ as an escape hatch, "Just tell me how Pein is." Madara felt like he needed to plummet down from the office down to the streets.

Konan raised one eyebrow. "Why do you ask that?"

"I'm curious." Madara stated bluntly.

"He keeps on complaining. He refused to stay on bed and insisted to get up to his feet and walk around. Well…I have no choice but to tie him up in his bed in his cozy, warm room." Konan sighed. She seemed not to notice that she had just said a trigger word. Maybe a bell sound might help her tell her that...

"Brunch time, Mister Deva!!!" Madara howled into the room, causing the sick vice-president to sat jolt upright from his bed.

"Madara?"

"I bring you your asparagus soup and a hot chocolate for you and for me. Bon appétit!" Madara ignored Pein's dumbfounded face and propose a toast with the sick young man.

"What are you doing here?" Pein asked, his voice hoarse.

"Your room is warm... You know what, until you get better, I'll be the one responsible for your health! I'll be your godsend male-nurse! So be cheerful!"

Instead of a 'whee!' or a 'whoop-whoop!' Madara got himself a shrill, "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!" So loud and shrill that Merlin who was asleep in another room few yards from Pein's door awakened. Even the people outside the base could hear the distressed soundwave signal.

* * *

"What the hell was that?" Yoru asked. In one of her hands, she was cupping a fine giant snowball.

"It sounds like Ann Darrow kidnapped by King Kong. Maybe Madara was watching the movie?" Kisame suggested before shrugging and held his Samehada in a baseball stance.

"I don't think so, Kisame." Yoru disagreed. "It sounds a little too heavy for Ann Darrow."

"Yeah, maybe you're right."

"Anyway, Madara doesn't like King Kong. From all animals, Madara disliked monkeys the most!" Tobi added.

"Whatever. C'mon, Yoru! Bring it on!" Kisame tightened his grip on Samehada; his large sharp teeth glimmered.

"Alright. Snowflakes on the hole!" Yoru drew her arms backward and hurled the giant snowball at the shark man. With a heave and a fine thrust, Kisame successfully hit the snowball and threw it elsewhere.

"Run, Blue, run!" Itachi shouted (since when he's so talkative? Gosh, what have I made him into?) And Blue dashed through the snowy baseball field, scoring homerun.

Meanwhile, 10 yards from the baseball field, stood the Artistic Duo who were creating a piece of art from snow. Sasori didn't really like snow—not because it's cold, but because snow isn't eternal. Snow contradicted his definition of art. Still, he loved the beauty made from the momentary art. "Ah, magnifico…" Sasori sighed, looking at his chilly artwork. "She may not be able to protect me from imbeciles like Frankenkong did, but she still is a beautiful…temporary…being. Say hello to the world, Uriel!" Sasori announced the existence of his snow angel. A snow angel made _NOT_ by lying on the ground and moved your arms and legs riotously, but he really made an angel snow sculpture.

"Yo, Dana, isn't Uriel a male angel?" Deidara asked. He, on the other hand, mixed clay and snow (I don't know what it turned into, but I'm pretty sure it's not a hard object) to create a still-life artwork of a turkey eating a worm on the ground. Still-life all right…

"We never saw an angel before, so why bother? Anyway, I've seen a girl named Uriel somewhere. I think I saw it while watching Cartoon Network with Tobi…"

"That's _Muriel_! You must be watching _Courage, The Cowardly Dog_!"

"Perhaps…Tobi did freak out."

Deidara's eyes bulged. Without warning, Deidara created a giant owl and mounted it quickly then flew away. Sasori raised an eyebrow, but was too late to run away (though he wasn't late to notice there was a cool meteor plummeting to his head) and SPLAT!

Yoru winced and so did Tobi. "Ugh…that looked painful. I hope I didn't put too much stone inside the snowball…"

"Whoa, you actually _put something_ in it?" asked Kisame in disbelief.

"Yeah…?"

"Huh, no wonder it feels like hitting a real baseball."

"Sasori-dana! Oh my gosh!! Dana! Answer me! Don't die on me like this! I haven't showed you my best art!!!" Deidara yelled. He landed near the snow pile and began to dig Sasori out of the mess. Magically, his nails could even dig through the stone. Wow, iron nails! Ironman has iron nails, and they're gold!

"Don't worry, Deidara-senpai! Sasori-senpai will be alright." Tobi reassured.

As soon as Tobi had done talking, Deidara found Sasori lying on the ground with his eyelids closed. Deidara gasped, horrified. "DAANAAAA!!!" Deidara cried. "Why?! Why does it have to happen to you?" sniffles "I haven't proven myself as a worthy craftsman to your perspective! Why do you have to leave me alone?!?!"

Itachi and Kisame simultaneously rolled their eyes skyward. Kisame urged the Kid Duo to get away from Deidara or else they would get as crazy as he.

"And one thing else, Dana…" sob "I want you to know that I—"

"Holy shit!!!" Sasori woke jolt upright, knocking Deidara forehead on and down to the snow. "Oh, sorry, Deidara. Are you…alright?" Sasori asked imperturbably.

Forehead vein on. "You numbskull maestro!!! You scared me shitless to death!!! What do you think you're doing playing dead?!?!" Deidara bellowed. His face had gone cherry-like.

"Well, I had to play dead. I need to survive. I only removed my heart under that postal box and send it back here so my wooden body can be 'resurrected'." Sasori explained, his coolness slightly heating away. He stared at Deidara and his eyes expanded some point where his wooden skin couldn't expand any longer. "Hey…were you…really crying?"

"Don't get it wrong, you shit face! I wasn't crying over your death! I was crying because you've tricked me like this!!! I'm crying with fury!" Deidara wiped his eyes but the snot blurt out in replacement.

Sasori smirked artfully, "Ah…so you really are crying for my death. And…what was that you wanted to say again? You didn't have the chance to finish it, now I'm giving you the chance. Now, say it." Sasori sat cross-legged and rested his chin on his palm, waiting absurdly patiently for Deidara to finally spit it out.

"I…" Deidara stammered, he gulped hard. "I…" repeated. Shortly after that, his brows furrowed, "I'm so pissed off with your eternal smugness!" Deidara spat and slapped Sasori upside the head afterwards, sending Sasori to kiss the ice.

Sasori didn't move nor spat back. God knows why…

"Gee, Deidara, you have a serious issue with denials, aren't you?" Nekuro asked sweetly.

"I _didn't_ deny anything." Deidara retorted.

"Well then you should've said 'I hate you' to Sasori when he asked you to say your cut sentence."

Deidara imitated Sasori falling face first to the snow.

* * *

"Say 'aaah' Deva…say 'aaah'…" Madara threateningly persuaded. The brunch was done; now all he had to give was his medicine. It was a syrup medicine and it was for adults. Meaning: no strawberry or any plant-born flavor.

Pein _REALLY _wanted to scream again like Ann Darrow, but he knew that he only made his life much more miserable if he screamed—or shriek, to be precise. And we all knew that Madara was a cunning man (he was just too busy babysitting his little twin brother that he can't be cunning anymore).

"Mmh hmm ummuh!!!" Pein muffled scream from under his blanket. What he said was: "Get out from here!!!"

Madara frowned, "I was being kind to you for once, dammit! Now if you please make my life easier and DRINK THE FUCKING MEDICINE DOWN YOUR THROAT!!!" Madara bellowed plus shouted. Equals? Bombastic voice dispatch.

"What was the yelling all about?" asked a woman's voice in annoyance. Madara and Pein turned to the door (Madara shivered a bit to the cold air that floated to Pein's room) to see a scarlet-haired woman of thirty putting her hands on her hips.

"Ikari baby!!!" Pein called. Madara used this chance to thrust the tablespoon into his mouth. Afterwards, he tied Pein's mouth with a sash and force him lie down and drink the whole medicine up. "AKH! HAKK!! AHAKK!!" Pein retched. Madara smiled evilly in satisfaction. Mission had just successfully accomplished!

"Atta boy, Pein." Madara released the sash and pat Pein on his head like he patted a dog.

"Meow…" Pein mewed like an endangered orange Persian kitten with piercings.

"Were you trying to kill my boyfriend?" Ikari asked, a huge sweat adorning her long scarlet hair. Madara moved away from her and let her sit beside Pein.

"No, I wasn't. In fact, I was trying to save him. This is for both of our good." Madara defended himself. He may have said things truthfully, but his rusty halo dangling above his head didn't convince Ikari or Pein.

"Your good maybe, but not mine!" He choked and coughed, "Shit…! What was that medicine made of? Crushed earthworm extract with onion?!" Pein ranted, still trying to get the taste out of his mouth, especially his tasting sensory.

"How do I suppose to know? Ask Zetsu! It was their invention!" Madara snapped, sitting on a lonely chair beside Pein's bed.

"Did he even test it on something or someone?"

"Yeah, he did. It was the same medicine they gave to…themselves…" Madara grinned goofily. "Well, who knows? Maybe his metabolism is the same as us!"

"Easy for you to say! Have you even tried it before?!"

"I wish I could…but I'm I-M-M-O-R-T-A-L, remember?" Madara danced back and forth in his chair with a Cheshire grin that somehow matched him so very utterly, absolutely, definitely, unquestionably, undeniably _**ABYSMAL**_. No match at all! Nil! Zilch!

Pein fell backward to his bed, taking a deep sleep, while Ikari covered her eyes to her own horror. Indeed, as I said before about the Cheshire grin. OK, no talkie about it again. Shiver…

* * *

"Hot chocolate, Hime?"

Nekuro smiled, "Why thank you, Kakuzu! That's very kind of you." Nekuro held the cup with both hands and sipped the tepid brown solution. She exhaled, creating mist from her warm breath and turned to Kakuzu only to notice something amiss.

Kakuzu noticed her gaze. "What?" he asked, puzzled.

"You didn't drink your chocolate?"

"I have." Kakuzu answered, his volume was oddly lower than usual.

"I never see your face before. I know you must've opened it during meal time but I was busy in the kitchen and never have the chance to see your face. Sometimes it does get frustrating." Nekuro grinned. The one like Madara minus the evil. The grin that brought Kakuzu to the tenth heaven. Whoa, wait…I thought there are only seven heavens. Heck, it even rhymed!

Kakuzu hesitated and slowly pulled down his face mask. Heart-beat…heart-beat…oh…my…god…

Seriously, it didn't have to be this dramatic, did it? Save it for later!!

Kakuzu felt a little bit uncomfortable, considering that he was _outside_ the base where there was such thing as public. He quickly sipped his hot chocolate and tried to cover most of his stitched lower jaw using the mug. "Uh…the thing is…I'm not really confident with my face. It's patched up as if I had a skin implant surgery which I hadn't."

To Kakuzu's surprise, Nekuro patted his back in a friendly manner. "Kakuzu, you silly old boy! You don't have to be so ashamed of yourself in front of me! I've been to planets! And compared to the Mercurians, your face is much better than them!"

"Really?" Kakuzu asked, hope clearly shown in his face before he coughed it away. "What do they look like?"

Nekuro tapped her fingers on her chin, thinking to remember, "Oh, try to throw a loaf of bread into a lava, what did you get?"

Kakuzu laughed which initiated with a wheezing noise. "Damn, that's even worse than Hidan when he's chopped into pieces!"

"Ugh, you have no idea! That could be possibly the worst thing you'd ever seen!" Nekuro chuckled along.

"Thanks a lot, Hime…" Kakuzu muttered, smiling softly out of the blue.

The hot chocolate's heat reached Nekuro's face…in a different way. She could nearly shared flavor of chocolates with Kakuzu…

"Hey, Mommy!" Tobi popped out in-between Kakuzu and Nekuro's looming noses. Kakuzu, a jumpy man was he, stumbled backwards and Tobi saved his hot chocolate from spilling. It was amazing to see how much resistance Nekuro has to twitch. "Mommy should move around, you know! It keeps you warm!"

"Gimme that!" Kakuzu sat upright and swished the mug Tobi held from him. "Mommy's crapface…" Kakuzu cursed under his breath and imbibed the whole beverage in one brusque movement. Kakuzu flung his eyes elsewhere and landed on certain someone whom he had taken as his own younger sibling. "Hey, Yoru, don't you have stuff to do? Other than playing snow baseball, I mean?"

"Yeah, I'm planning on doing it later." Yoru answered and threw another snowball. This time it landed on someone else's TV antennae. Kisame guffawed and scored his seventh homerun.

"I think you better do it now! Who knows? You might be too tired later!" Kakuzu insisted on.

"Eh, you have your point. Sorry, guys. Game's over." Yoru glided back into the base. Tobi intended to follow but Yoru's slight head-shake was comprehended quickly by the orange-masked boy.

Smirk…from a vengeful man there.

And the sun shines!

* * *

Ikari twitched. Not only that she couldn't be alone with her dear boyfriend, but Madara's demeanor was getting on her nerves. "Just what are you doing with his blanket? Don't you see he's asleep!?"

Ignoring her annoyed tone, Madara pulled out a green bottle with 'Heineken' label on it. Unsatisfied, he put it back under Pein's blanket again. "I'm warming this thing. I ain't drinking cold beer in a cold day."

"But beers best served cold."

"That's where the irony dances, cupcake!" Madara slid his hand under the blanket (which, to make things weirder, was inches close to Pein's toes) to feel the temperature.

Ikari both literally and metaphorically set on fire. Madara didn't see that as a threat but instead he hung his Heineken bottle near Ikari's flaming body. It took only three seconds for it to heat up before overpowering the lid. "Madara…" Ikari deep breathed, "Pein needs his sleep. And I think I'm responsible for his health from today on."

"Ah, just like how he accompany you in your ill days, is that it?"

"Yes." Ikari nodded curtly.

"Very well. I think I want to hibernate now." Madara grumbled and shivered. After stealing some of Pein's thick jackets, he walked back to his own room. Still shivering, he gulped the alcoholic beverage. He reached his room's door and...he _never_ see his room the same way _again_.

* * *

Tobi decided to leave the outdoor activity earlier than his comrades. He thought Madara would be so proud of him after he told him that he just failed Kakuzu's attempt on kissing their mother. Sadly, one thing he didn't compute was Kakuzu had paid back his break-the-tenderness mission by sending Yoru away from the game field to do the left-over laundry work. Now that time had passed and he was pretty tired, he hoped that Yoru had finished her work.

Tobi encountered a clock just when his stomach started to purr. He glanced at the clock (a big clock it was) and well, it was his snack time already. He hummed as he strolled to the kitchen and when he raided the refrigerator. His eyes landed on a paper container with the color brown. He licked his upper lip under his swirly mask and picked the ice cream, grabbed a spoon and headed to the living room that was apparently empty. He half-hoped to meet someone there.

Tobi switched on the television on a random channel that he thought was good enough to watch, sat down, open the lid, and scooped the ice cream. He lightly pounded his head as the brain freeze took place. Minutes passed by, he no longer received brain freeze; probably his brain was too frozen already.

Poke. "I never knew you liked CSI." Yoru said, breaking the fifteen minute silence.

"Tobi has nothing to watch." Tobi answered, innocently smiling. He then ate another scoop of ice cream.

"Not even cartoons?" Yoru asked, jumping from behind the sofa to sit beside Tobi.

"Tobi is trying not to watch cartoons. Madara said Tobi should stop and watch CSI instead. It's really hard to do it…" Tobi sighed exasperatedly.

"Aw…you'll get used to it." Yoru said, smiling. Then silence swiped the living room once more. Both were too absorbed by the intense investigation of a crime scene by the policemen and women (God, I forgot their names!) in the TV. Or…so it seemed.

Yoru shifted her eyeballs to the right side, where her partner sat, and silently watched Tobi gulping scoops of chocolate choco chip ice cream into his throat. There were droplets of ice cream dripped back to the container. The track, however, stayed visibly on his chin.

"Does Yoru-chan wants ice cream?" Tobi asked, kindly offering what he called as 'holy coldness'.

Yoru blushed a little, knowing that Tobi had busted her out. She regained herself quickly and nodded. "It…looks good. Maybe one scoop?"

"OK! Here!" Tobi shoved the spoon.

"Uhm, I can eat it by myself, you know."

"Tobi knows, but Tobi is being a good boy so Tobi wants to repay Yoru's kindness for spoon feeding Tobi the other day!" the kid grinned.

Yoru blushed again and shrugged, "Oh well. If you insist." Yoru opened her mouth and the spoon glided in. The huge scoop made little of the ice cream to get misdirected to her face instead of going into her mouth. She let out a muffled squeal when her brain temporarily froze like what happened to Tobi's. Tobi chuckled at it. "Whoo! That was cold!" Yoru exclaimed.

"Another one?"

"Sure!" And there the spoon goes again. This time, more ice cream touched her face and stayed. Yoru giggled as she tried to swallow the ice cream with a little bit of effort. "Mmh! I think you're giving me too much."

Tobi giggled along and pointed a playful finger at Yoru's face, "Yoru-chan has an ice cream on her face!"

"So do you! You have to learn how to eat cleanly." Yoru's hand gently reached his chin and with firm strokes of her thumb, she wiped the chocolate ice cream tracks clean. She smiled in satisfaction and moved her hand to her own face.

The fingers never got to clean the ice cream off her face; Tobi's grip on her wirst stopped it. With his free hand, Tobi put aside the ice cream to the coffee table. Yoru's eyes followed Tobi as he moved closer towards her. Her eyes somehow fluttered close, but she insisted on seeing what he was doing. Her breath got stuck halfway to the lungs as the boy's lips swiped the corner of hers, just few millimeters away, where the ice cream resided.

Once it was clean, Tobi moved back brusquely, scratching the nape of his neck uncomfortably. he continued his gesture of feeling guilty by rubbing his upper arm when Yoru lowered her head and traced where the delicate skin of Tobi stroked hers. The most impressive thing, even though he was clearly embarrassed, Tobi didn't avert his eyes from looking at his best friend's dark purple ones. "Sorry." he croaked, "Tobi should've ask—" That sentence never met its period, not even a coma. Yoru had swallowed the whole thing. I guess you could say it _literally_ swallowing, since there was an involvement of mouth in here…unmistakably.

As in reflex, Tobi yanked his head away but Yoru seized the boy's head, compelling him to glue his mouth on hers. Knowing that Tobi had obeyed to stay fused with her, she slide her hands to Tobi's and pulled them around her waist. Instinctively, Tobi understood what she wanted and pulled her closer to his chest; his fingers began to run freely in her spine.

They were finally short on breath and decided to give the kiss a break, although half of their feelings didn't want them to. A soft smile adorned Yoru's oval-ish face. She leaned forward and sighed while she reclined her head onto Tobi's shoulder. CSI was no longer an attractive prospect.

"Ooh! Somebody turned on CSI!" Ted exclaimed vivaciously. Itachi followed him with Kisame who was trying to spend the remaining of the day with something less cold-stimulating.

"And it's a marathon! Go on, Ted! Take a seat!" Zed added, slightly less vivacious (but still excited) rather than his white half.

"Somebody was here. Woah, Double Chocolate Chip!!" Itachi grabbed the ice cream Tobi and Yoru shared and devoured it. He savored every chocolate sensation that melted in his mouth. "Grud, this is delicious!"

Kisame scrunched his nose, saying in his head that he wouldn't eat the ice cream if he was Itachi, even if ice cream was the most nutritious food on Earth. "Who left it there anyway?" he wondered, rubbing his upper arms to warm himself.

* * *

"That was close." Yoru sighed. "It's a good thing you managed to learn teleportation, Tobi." Yoru stopped, looking at his face that was now resembled a well-ripe tomato under a black short cut wig. His eyes bulged and his eyebrows rose too high from where it supposed to be. Yoru smiled coolly and pulled Tobi's front of his sweater whilst her back leaned to the wall, squishing her in-between Tobi and his (plus Madara's) room wall. Her act made Tobi looked like he was painted in red and just ate a jar of hot peppers of the best quality.

As if hot peppers were not enough, wasabi was added to the ingredient then pour a kettle of boiling water. Tobi blushed harder that, according to Yoru's thought, his hands and feet were turning red as well when she stroked her fingers on one of his cheeks. She chuckled, "You look really cute when you're blushing. I think I really did my job well done."

Yoru took one of Tobi's hands (anybody knows what can I do to make Tobi redder than red?) and placed it on her face. She sighed; her breath sounded like a morning choir of sirens in the brink of dawn to the man (mentally, a boy) in front of her. Perfunctorily, his fingertips began to rub and feel the velvetiness of her skin. Yoru closed her eyes, falling deep into the warmth of the touch. In this freezing weather, to have someone's hand as an insulator was the best solution to get warm.

She circled her arms around his neck. There were no words needed; both understood each other's want and both willingly granted it. Their lips once again collided, softer but more passion implemented than lust. Sharingan has no role in this; Tobi reciprocated and thus learned from his partner quickly. Yoru, despite being new to the experience herself, knew well what to do (probably because she watched more 'older' movies than Tobi). She wanted to do so many experiments with him, but she decided to play at the easy level first.

Their once pale lips were now swollen and crimson. Tobi's hands moved position from flailing loosely on his side; one locked Yoru's waist close to his, the other dug deep into her hair. Yoru began to tease a little: she nibbled Tobi's lower lip. It surprised Tobi at first but after reassuring himself, Tobi could do the same thing. Yoru smirked when he did it. After few seconds, which felt like an eternity, Yoru felt like it was time to go a little bit further—to a stage that Tobi possibly might bring to his dreams. She opened her mouth gracefully and slowly—

THUMP.

The transparent green Heineken bottle tumbled on the floor, causing its bubbly liquid content to brim and soaked the _Star Trek_ floor mat in front of the door. The owner of the drink had his eyes nearly plopped out of their sockets looking at the far-fetched, infrequent vista.

"OH…_MY…__**GOD!!!**_"

* * *

**GAAH!!! I've been dying to write that scene down! Now I can rest in peace... No, JK...I still have to finish this series. In fact, I'm sorry to say, I Spy Round 2 is about to end. Aw...I love this series so much! Though, to be honest, I like the first I Spy better.**

**About Tobi, Yoru, and Itachi eating ice cream in the middle of a snowy day...yeah, it sounds really illogical, I know. I was like 'What the smurf?' myself. But it's them anyway. Summer is here! Or is it approaching...? I can't tell. So my next Akatsuki story has something to do with summer vacation. Oooh...tempting...**

**The next chapter might come late too, because I'm exceptionally busy with my interactive story in Quizilla called 'Akatsuki Interview Session'. I've so many applicants to make results of! ARGH! Good thing I've graduated, phew! Thanks for reading and if you please click the rectangle below that says 'review'...**


	10. Why So Serious? Coz We Have To!

**-10- Why So Serious? Coz We Have To! -10-**

She said, "Oops…"

He said, "Zoiks!"

The other he said…nothing…basically because he was too dumbfounded to speak. The beer had soaked the _Star Trek_ floor mat no longer; it had soaked the mat plus the floor surrounding it. It was a big bottle, yo.

Madara stepped backward, but Yoru's gravity element pulled him inside and the door closed and locked. "Madara!" Yoru called the older Uchiha. "I need you to do a favor, Madara." Yoru said.

"W-wh-what favor?" Madara twitched.

"You have to help me—us—keeping our relationship a secret!"

"Why would you want to keep it a secret?"

"It's for a surprise, Madara!" Tobi added.

Madara glared at them, "Oh yeah? Don't you mean waiting till you get older? Everyone's gonna laugh at you if you show off right now." Madara said coldly before twitching again.

"Huh? Yoru-chan, is that really—"

"Don't listen to him! It's a secret because, yeah, we gonna surprise the others later. Why are you still twitching? I'm sure a kissing scene is not something weird for you."

"It's not the kiss that freaked me out. It was the fact that _he_" Madara pointed at Tobi's top of the head "was kissing someone was what freaked me out! Tobi and a kiss! Oh my god! Now I'm pretty sure the Arctic Circle is melting right now. And you!" Now he pointed at Yoru's nose, "I saw what you were about to do…"

Yoru smirked, "So I did. Unfortunately, you bother us."

"Oh, I'm so sorry…" Madara apologized with his eyes rolling in sarcasm. "Now leave me alone and let me hibernate for the rest of the day. Don't wake me up even when September ends!" Madara curled inside the blanket and began to snooze. He didn't really start snoozing until he was sure that Tobi and Yoru had gone to someplace else. "God…I hope they don't make their child on this bed…" he murmured before he slept. When he finally dived into dreams, Merlin's crest stood and his eyes opened wide. Did he just hear what Madara said?

* * *

Indeed, Madara slept all through the day. The only flaw was he didn't wake up after Sepetember ends. He woke up when six a.m had just begun. Not only that, he felt terribly heavy that morning. Literally feeling heavy. Had he gained weight? Nope. Well, close, actually.

"I knew I should've bought _two single_ beds! Not _one queen_ bed!! GAH!" Madara snarled under Tobi's quiescent hug. It was the first time after they obtained the queen sized bed. When it was still one single bed, it happened a whole lot more. Madara arched his back when Tobi unconsciously snuggled his back. He gritted his teeth, "Yoru…what have you done to my brother…?"

Madara elbowed Tobi so he sprawled on his back. He sat on the edge of his bed and Merlin greeted him by landing in front of his toes. "Squawk! Good morning!" the pink bird squawked.

"Morning, Merlin. It's warmer today, huh? Good! That means Mister Deva is getting better." With a single gesture, Madara told Merlin to climb onto his shoulder. Next, Madara woke his brother up because his brother has to wake everybody up. "Wake up, Lover Boy! You have work to do!" Madara talked loudly in front of Tobi's ears. Unfortunately, the boy didn't budge. Instead, he swung to his other side and smacked Madara on the head. "YOW!!" Madara rubbed his head, frowning more than ever. "Fine!" he snapped bitterly, "You don't wanna wake up with a soft way, then I'll do it the rough way. C'mon, Merlin!"

"Madara! What a surprise! You're awake earlier than Tobi!" Nekuro cheered. Since she was a morning person and she loved it, don't ask how she knew Tobi always woke before Madara. Anyway, she's their mother! "There's only one thing that can make this happen: Tobi moved in his sleep."

"He does that all the time, Mom. Only this time, it's worse than before." Madara opened the cupboard, digging into the display of kitchen utensils. "Mom…where's the frying pan?" Madara asked.

"Hanging on your right, honey."

"And the ladle?"

"In the drawer in front of my knees. Hey!"

"Sorry. This is for the sake of truth."

"What are you doing?" Nekuro asked, one eye squinting skeptically at her son.

"I'm doing Tobi's job. And I'm doing it my way." Madara stood tall in the hallway, smirking smugly. He dramatically breathed in some air and… CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! "EXTRA! EXTRA! TOBI AND YORU ARE OFFICIALLY TOGETHER NOW!!! I REPEAT! _OFFICIALLY TOGETHER! _AGAIN, since I feel like enjoying this, **THEY ARE **_**OFFICIALLY TOGETHER**_**!!!** BY THE LOVE OF GOD, I'M WAKING YOU GUYS UP!!!"

Nekuro, who nearly died due to exploded ear drums, pricked her ears like a cat pricking its ears when they heard a sound of a mouse. She popped her head out of the kitchen with interest. "_Really?!?!_ Oh my God! No wonder you screamed it out…"

"What was that again?" Deidara plopped his head out of his door, there were clay barricading his ears. He just took off one of them.

"Nah, it's just exaggerated news of our juniors getting along in heart-to-heart bond." Sasori answered half-heartedly and strolled back to his room.

Deidara, on the other hand, had just lost his other clay muffs that fell 'FLOP' to the floor. He stood still, in his position (leaning to the side of the door in 100 degrees angle) for the next five minutes. Meanwhile, Madara repeated his morning call (I ask you, which wake-up rooster is better: him or Tobi?) as he passed the last half of the base's inhabitants. This time, there was one hyped-up listener, and that was not Tobi.

"SAY WHAT?!?!" Kisame blared. "You gotta be shitting me, are you, Madara?"

"Perhaps…or should I say I saw them getting a room and that room is mine!" Madara replied snappily.

"This is impossible!" Kisame dashed to the last room of the base which was no other than Yoru's room, Madara followed slowly, still ringing his frying pan bell. "Yoru, you gotta tell us the truth! Are you really official with Tobi as of yesterday?!"

"Wha—? Who told you—Madara!! I thought we had a deal!" Yoru snapped at the older Uchiha. Angrily, she put her hands on her hips.

"What deal?" asked Madara, a halo shining with pure hell's fire sashayed on top of his head.

"ARGH! This is ridiculous…" Yoru grumbled and slammed shut her door, unknowingly knocking Kisame on the nose.

"Ow…. So it was true?!" he asked in disbelief, lifting Madara on the collar.

"Yeah, it's as true as hell. What's with you? Why do you have to be so stressed about it?" Madara asked, squirming in his blue hands trying to escape. As soon as he asked, he dropped on his feet safely.

"I…I…I just can't believe it." Kisame said, walking to breakfast with Madara walking alongside him.

"Ah, I know how you feel. You won't believe what I saw yesterday…_in my room!_ God, that was phenomenal!"

* * *

"Madara, you're a meany." Tobi grumbled.

"Thank you." Madara replied casually and slurped his asparagus soup (specially made for him).

"We-ell, Tobi…" Deidara nudged his upper arm, "I heard it from your bro, man. So…you had your first kiss, eh? How's it feel?" Deidara winked playfully at the orange masked boy.

"Tobi doesn't want to talk about it."

"Aw…lil' Tobi is shy…that's so cute." Deidara smacked Tobi on the head and cackled away.

"Look what've Madara done…" Tobi mumbled.

"Being honest for once." he replied casually again. "If you don't feel good being public, then why don't you just shut your shop of love up?"

"No way!" Tobi retorted. "Fine…Tobi will cope…"

"Atta boy. Anyway, we still have work to do. That…if you still care for our family. If not, well, I can handle it by myself."

"Oh! Oh! Madara! Tobi almost forgot! Yesterday, outside, Tobi saw it! Kakuzu-senpai opened his mask and—"

"You're joking!"

"Is not! Tobi saw it! Luckily, Tobi moved right on time and stopped him. Yay! Tobi is a good boy!"

"Grrr…he's getting serious…. Tobi, I know you still wanna feel the first moments of dating but, seriously, if we don't move more aggressively as of now, we'll gonna have a father we never wish for. Hell, I still prefer Mr. Tomato as my step-father. At least he's older than me." Madara clenched his fist valiantly.

"His name is Monsieur Piment!" Tobi corrected.

"What-frazzing-ever! So are you with me or not?!"

"Yeah!"

"What are you twins whispering about?" asked Kakuzu.

"Twin stuffs!" they both answered in unison.

* * *

_10:55 a.m._

At this time, Nekuro still washed the dishes with Konan in the kitchen while the others had gone to play with snow. Usually, Konan went away first and hell yeah, she did go first. That left Nekuro alone. This was the perfect time for Kakuzu to step in.

"Hey, Mommy!" Tobi popped appear somewhere behind Nekuro who jumped three feet in the air in surprise. "Tobi is wondering if he can help Mommy wash the dishes." Tobi grinned toothily, only the orange mask blocked it.

"Um…sure…"

"Yay! Tobi is a good boy! Tobi helps Mommy clean dishes!"

Meanwhile, just somewhere behind the walls, Kakuzu was grumbling Egyptian curses (huh, he knows Egyptian now, does he?). Madara was cheering silently for his brother's success.

_11:25 a.m._

At this time, Nekuro would usually have a bath. This was the time Madara feared the most, for he was afraid Kakuzu would peek his mother, and he and Tobi didn't want that. Kakuzu was waiting not far from where the twins were. They didn't know what he was expecting from her, but they obviously didn't like the sight of it.

Few minutes after they wait, they heard a light swearing from Nekuro. "Hello?! Is somebody outside?" she called, somewhat desperately. "Anyway, I forgot to bring my towel!!!"

Kakuzu's yellow eyes seemed to shine a little. Out of nowhere, he pulled out a melon green towel and walked smugly to the bathroom. "He—OOF!!!"

"I heard your call of distress, Mom!" Madara elbowed the elder (which was younger), causing him to fall tumbling on the floor. Madara had stolen Kakuzu's towel and handed to Nekuro's poking out hand. The same 'Demon Fox Madara' smile glimmered under the dim old light bulb's light. "No need to thank me!" And the century-year-old man sauntered off, cackling along with his natal doppelganger.

Fumes evaporated from the masked Nin's head gear, as it was slightly damp from the coldness.

_03:05 p.m._

It was finally Nekuro's free time and she wanted to see the snow, though with Pein's improving health, the snow won't be as much as yesterday. However, this time she decided to see the 'kids' from afar. Where would that be? On the roof, of course!

This was the perfect time for Kakuzu to make a move so there he went. He sat beside her, offering her to share a bag of marshmallows with chocolate filling (Whoa, Kakuzu just _SPENT _some money buying a _'useless' _snack). With a flattering smile, Nekuro accepted his offer and ate marshmallows while watching—or in Kakuzu's case, cackling—at some people playing with the snow.

Few feet behind them, on the village-facing side of the roof, Madara and Tobi crawled like Spider-Man preying on Green Goblin and Mary Jane who somehow sat together and ate marshmallows. Madara watched warily; if Kakuzu made one mistake, he will have no hesitation on kicking him right on the face. Just then, Tobi poked him on the arm, "What?!" Madara hissed.

"Madara, do you think Mommy will like what we done? Tobi means, Tobi and Madara had been mean to Kakuzu-senpai. Ugh…Madara…now Tobi's afraid of Mommy's punishment." Tobi whimpered in whispers.

"Well, we just have to explain ourselves. I'm sure she'll understand—if all she sees isn't that red. It's OK, Tobi, her punishment ain't that hard." Madara patted his brother on the back. That didn't convince him, nonetheless.

"Lies…Tobi remembers it, all right. Madara was tra…tra…u…meh…meh…" Tobi stuttered; right inside his mask, his face was scrunching into many different faces as he tried laboriously to form the word he was about to use.

Madara rolled his eyes and smacked Tobi on the back of his head, "Traumatized!"

"Oh yeah! That! Madara was like crying seven days and seven nights until daddy came and hugged Madara!" Tobi continued.

Madara turned pink to the part where daddy hugged him. He sighed, "Yeah, yeah, I am traumatized. We may be immortal, but the pain would glue to your ass until…I dunno…perhaps until we somehow lost our immortality and die. By the way, you haven't really experienced it. This may be a lesson for you." Madara smirked, but Tobi was not pleased. Immediately after Madara turned his attention on his mother and her secret admirer, Tobi prayed to whatever god he believed in so his mother would spare him.

"HEEEY!!! TOBIII!!!" Yoru's voice called from the direction of the village. Not only Tobi heard it but the others on the roof heard her too.

"Tobi! Invisibility cloak, now!!!" Madara frantically commanded.

Tobi, as frantically as Madara, put an invisible blanket (hence the name) over their bodies until they were completely invisible. They did aware that Yoru saw them doing what they were doing.

Kakuzu turned, stood, and yelled at Yoru, "Hey, Yoru, what the hell are you shouting about?!?!"

"There's Tobi and Madara over there!" Yoru yelled back. The twins were wincing at the mention of their name. Madara was whispering, "Please don't see us, please don't us…!"

Kakuzu squinted and looked at the whole roof. "Where? I didn't see anyone here!"

"They are there, McDuck! Just a few steps in front of you!"

"NUUUU!!!" Madara and Tobi both squeaked.

"In front of me? Right here?" Kakuzu stomped a layer of snow on the roof. Unknown to him, right below the roof he was stomping on was Pein's room. An unfortunate termite plummeted into Pein's cup of soybeans. Then the spoon scooped it and the mouth ate it. Augh…

"No! Step a little further ahead!" Yoru gestured the money-man to walk further by moving her arms.

"Right he—YEEOOOOW!!!" Kakuzu tripped on what it invisibly seemed to be Madara's right foot. He rolled on the roof, stumbling and gathered some snow on his cloak as he passed by before he reached the edge of the roof. Well, you know what comes next. "AAIIIIEEEEE-HEEEEE!!!"

"Ow…hey, you OK?" Yoru asked while Deidara guffawed at the scene.

Nekuro stood, causing Madara and Tobi's spine to tingle. "Boys, show your noses, for heaven's sake!"

"Oh, OK. Hey, Mom." Madara uncovered himself and Tobi and stood on the roof, meeting Nekuro's slightly annoyed gaze. "I was playing hide-and-seek with the others! Too bad, Tobi's _girlfriend_ busted us up that we had to use Tobi's invisibility cloak." Madara bluffed with expression so convincingly innocent that even Tobi was amazed by it.

"Well, maybe you should see the situation here! I was with Kakuzu few seconds ago." Nekuro replied, putting her hands on her waist.

"Sorry. We'll watch out next time. Come on, Tobi. We're fin—EEYAAAH!!!" Madara slipped on the slippery snow and slid to the edge of the roof. But unlike Kakuzu, Madara was quick enough to grab hold on the pipes.

"FALL! FALL! FALL! FAAALL!!!" Deidara whooped down on the ground. He stopped with a grunt when Yoru kicked him hard on the shin.

"Tobi!!! Help me!!!"

_05:15 p.m._

"Dammit!!! Kakuzu is one determined flirt, isn't he?! That one thing pissed me off to the point where I'm about to grow a pointy tail!" Madara ranted huffily.

"Madara's turning into a devil?!"

"Yes."

"Oooh…!"

"You little dimwit." Madara hissed. "Here!" Madara literally slapped a fabric onto Tobi's mask. Tobi stared at the fabric questioningly, wondering what was it for and why was the sewing incomplete. He looked at Madara and he, knowing that his brother was about to ask, answered, "Finish the plush bunny. Ask Kakuzu, get his attention, understand?"

"Understand!" Tobi scurried to the living room where Nekuro and Kakuzu were chatting about something. What made Madara nervous was that Kakuzu's hand was crawling closer and closer to his mom's shoulders. "Senpai! Senpai!" Tobi called him out loud—probably a little too loud.

"God, what is it?! Can't you see we're talking?" Kakuzu snapped at him.

"Um…Tobi is making a bunny but doesn't know how to sew the right way. Can Kakuzu-senpai teach Tobi a little? Please?" Tobi demanded and reluctantly, Kakuzu taught the boy.

"It's sewn partially." Kakuzu pointed.

"Yeah…Hidan-senpai did it but then he got pissed off and left it to Tobi." Tobi made up a story.

"No wonder the sewing sucks."

After a few minutes, "OK! Tobi gets it now! Thanks a lot Kakuzu-senpai!"

Both Kakuzu and Nekuro sighed. Kakuzu turned to Nekuro, hands ready to crawl again and under his mask, he smirked. "Now…where were we?"

"Senpai!!!" Tobi yowled.

"WHAT NOW!!??" he shouted angrily.

Tobi shrunk timidly but encouraged himself to show him his unfinished bunny. "Tobi doesn't know how to attach its ears…"

Kakuzu rolled his eyes and taught the kid one new thing. One minute later, Tobi came again, asking on how to sew the bunny's eyes. And lastly, which drove Kakuzu pretty crazy and practically causing his tendrils to splurted out, Tobi asked on how to stuff up the bunny. But this time, someone else intervened.

"Tobi, I know you're asking for a help but don't you think you're disturbing me and Kakuzu a little, eh?" Nekuro asked. Unseen by her son, she was silently crackling her fingers. Despite the word 'silently', the crack was like: CRACKLE!!!

Tobi squeaked. This was the first time Nekuro got angry on him. "But-but…Tobi only needs a help. The others won't help Tobi!"

"Well, you could _WAIT!_" her volume rose. Now the cracking wasn't just a crack anymore. It almost sounded like a crash. "You know what it means…don't you…?" Nekuro's so-called 'mother's eye of blind irritation' twinkled. Even Kakuzu inched back a little—the aura was creeping him out.

"Mom, wait!" Madara yelled and stood in front of Tobi who was now cowering away from his mother in fear. "It wasn't his fault. I…I was the one who made the bunny. I told him to go bug you guys a little." Madara winced at his mother's famous 'mom look'. The look that all children feared of. "If you wanna give your savage Truxmessorian child punishment, give it to me. Not him. Tobi done all these things under my command."

As if gladly, Nekuro gave her savage child punishment to Madara. Madara felt like he was wrong to confess the second the first hit landed upon his face. But on the big side of his opinion, he knew he was doing the right thing. Kakuzu had to grimace, wince, and 'ouch' every once in a while. Tobi covered his face and his mask with his hands. Indeed, an angry mom is a monstrous mom. But this also meant one thing for the twins: It was time to wave the white flag.

* * *

"Madara…? Are you…alright?" Tobi asked meekly. Madara glared at him, making the boy shrunk in fear. But as fast as the glare shot, it faded. Tobi un-shrunk.

"I'm not bleeding, you see."

"Tobi knows that, but Madara got hit really hard. It should have hurt."

"I said I'm alright!" Madara insisted. He winced suddenly and rubbed his left eye gently. "Fuck…she hit me square in the eye. OK…I admit. It hurts like shit. Happy?"

Tobi poked both of his fingers together. He spoke apprehensively, "Tobi's sorry."

"What for?" Madara skewed his brows.

"If it wasn't because of Tobi, Madara wouldn't have to do that. Actually, Tobi should take the punishment instead of Madara. Tobi was the one who made mommy angry. Now Tobi feels like a bad boy…" Tobi ended his speech by clinging his head powerlessly.

Madara sighed and imitated Tobi slightly. "Well aren't you a sweet guy? Don't worry. I just don't want you to suffer the pain. It's gonna ruin your first date." Madara said, smirking.

Tobi lifted his head, followed by Madara who—for once—was smiling truthfully. Still…that didn't look so sweet at all. It still looked like a smirk somewhat. "Thanks Madara. Uhm…can Tobi give Madara a hug? Tobi understands if Madara—"

"Go ahead."

"YAY!!!" Tobi tackled Madara down to their bed. Madara swore he could hear his spine crushing. Nevertheless, he enjoyed it—deep down inside.

"Ow…my eye…"

"Sorry."

Nekuro sighed; it sounded almost sadly and Kakuzu spotted that sadness in her sigh. He stood before her and grabbed one of her shoulders gently. "Hime, are you alright?" Kakuzu asked.

"No, I'm not. I think I just did something terrible to Madara. I know I punished him, but it's worse than that. I feel so…wrong…" she sighed again. "I just don't understand why."

"Why what?"

"Why did they act like that in the first place?"

Kakuzu released his hand and slowly stepped up to stand in front of Nekuro. "They're kinda pissed off I'm flirting with their mother. They were a little cautious, I think. Probably because of age fact—"

"You were flirting? With me?" Nekuro asked, somehow sounded really dumbfounded. She pointed herself as perplexity continued to gnaw her.

"Obviously. Why else would I open my mask in public? It was because _you_ wanted to see my face that I opened it. What? You looked…thunderstruck." Kakuzu observed Nekuro closely.

"Duh, I am! Oh shit! You're right. I guess you _have been_ flirting with me. Sorry, I think all these days I got culture mix-up. I mean…I kept mixing my culture and your culture. You see, in my culture, if a man is flirting with a woman, he usually does this…" she borrowed Kakuzu's ears and whispered flirting methods of the aliens (their race, at least).

"DWOOAAAH!!!" Kakuzu screamed and fell to the floor like a cut log. Nekuro gasped and knelt before him, shaking his body hoping for him to wake up.

"Kakuzu! Wake up! C'mon! Don't die on me like this!" Nekuro called the now unconscious young-looking nonagenarian. Her loud calling caught Hidan's attention who immediately guffawed at the scene.

"Holy fuck! You just gave him a quintuple heart attack! HAHAHA!!!"

* * *

"Come in!" Tobi called at the knocked door. He was still in his room with his brother. The door opened and their mother stepped in reluctantly. "Mommy! What is it? It's not about Madara again, is it?"

"No, no. I'm here to…apologize to your brother." Nekuro said.

"You are?" Madara and tobi asked in unison.

"Yes. I just understood what had made you two acted so strangely lately. It was because of Kakuzu, isn't it?"

Madara looked to another side, unable to see his mother's face, "I hate to admit it, but, yeah. It's him and his sickening get-to-know tendency that made me wanted to kick his ass right out of the window." Madara cleared his throat, "Sorry. Keep going."

"I know it's about that, but don't worry, boys. I'm not having a boyfriend." Nekuro answered with a smile. Upon hearing her last spoken sentence, Madara and Tobi's ears prickled.

"Are you serious? You reject him?!"

Nekuro nodded and giggled slightly at Madara's sudden childishness. "For obvious reasons, of course. I mean, I can't date a man younger than my children. But I think I made him scarred for life now. The thing is…I don't remember that the Earth's culture and my home planet's culture are so different. _That_ turned him off."

"What's Atroxian culture again?" Madara asked.

"You ain't wanna know. So…do you forgive me, son?" Nekuro stepped closer to his son.

"Sure. I was wrong on the first place, by the way."

Nekuro smiled and gently hugged Madara who hugged back. Tobi giggled and hopped to bear-hug both of them. "Everybody loves each other again! YAAAAYY!!!! Tobi wants a hug too!"

"GAAH! Stop it! You've just squished my spine few minutes ago!!!"

"Let him live, Madara." Nekuro scolded.

"He IS living, goddammit!!!" Madara, with full of effort, pushed both his mother and brother. After escaping their combined Hug of Death, he headed towards the door. "I'm going to Mr. Deva's room for some 'reconsideration', if you don't mind. I'll see you at dinner."

"Bye, Madara!" Tobi waved, still hugging his mommy. "So does this means Mommy will date Monsieur Piment?"

Nekuro suddenly choked, growing curiosity on Tobi's mind. "Where…where did you get that reference?"

"Really? Mommy doesn't like him?"

"NO!! He talks like a snake!"

"Oh. Snake…?" That ring a bell to you?

* * *

"Naw, what do you want now?!" Pein groaned in frustration. Madara had been making his sick days horrible; he just hoped this time he wasn't messing around with him.

"Relax. I'm here to talk about jobs." Madara indifferently sat on the same chair he sat on yesterday. "I'm gonna make an offer you can't refuse, Pein. Believe me."

"What offer? Please tell me straight. In this state, I can't even count right." Pein demanded, blowing his nose, making a sound that resembled like an elephant desperately need an excrement discharge (aka 'lavatory business').

"It's simple. I want you to take your old job back." Madara said.

"Old job? Which old job?"

"You know…my job. It's yours now. I see you're much more capable of handling things right rather than me. Heh, I am a slacker after all."

"You mean I get to lead the whole organization again?" Pein sat upright, gripping Madara on the front of Madara's cloak.

"Yes, that. And Konan will return to her old job as the vice president and I will be in her job. Relaxation, here I come!" Madara cheered.

Pein, on the other hand, wasn't cheering. Actually, he didn't know whether to cheer or not. His sick brain was working exceptionally slow. It was not until Ikari hugged her that Pein finally could pulla tiny smile. "Oh God! Wait a sec…I AM a God!!!"

"Ah, there's so much rejoicing. See you later, then, Pein. Get well soon." Madara waved and left, going to talk with Konan about the same matter. On the way to Konan—who was busy with her Barbie dolls in her room—Madara saw Hidan dragging the unconscious Kakuzu to his room. Hidan was exceptionally happy about it. Madara winced, now he knew why his mother wouldn't want to talk about her alien culture.

* * *

Two days later and Amegakure wasn't covered in snow anymore. Still, the cold winter air was blowing. Most of the people in Amegakure were wondering where the rain had gone. They started to concern about Pein and left many sacral presents in front of the Akatsuki headquarters' back door. Many gave fruits but some left some red wine, much to Madara's delight. For some people, this particular day was a sad day. Especially for Deidara; he was the one crying the most.

"Mama, don't leave me here!!! Please stay!!" Deidara wailed, just like Hidan's two little newborns. Sasori on the background was burying his face in his palm.

"But I have to. My mother won't take care of herself. She's a little…loopy. If I don't go back now, god knows where she would be endangering her life in." Nekuro swayed and grunted as Deidara locked his arms around Nekuro's legs. He was still wailing and Nekuro rolled her eyes. "Hey, hey…listen. I'll be back once in a while. You, after all, are my new godchild."

Deidara sniffled and released Nekuro, standing up. "OK…promise me you'll return."

"Yeah. I don't think I can raise two infants on my own." Hidan added.

"Of course you can, silly. You have the potential. You'll get used to it, trust me. Anyway, you still have many that you can trust." Nekuro answered smiling.

"That's the problem. I don't want these people to take care of my kids. Except Konan, that is. She's the only one reliable."

"Well, I better get going. But before I go…there's one place I want to visit." her voice softened at the mention of the 'last place'. She whipped her head up when she felt Madara's hand slipped into hers. She smiled and held Madara's hand back.

"I know where you're going. Come Tobi."

"Whee! Bye, Yoru-chan! Tobi has to go for a minute or two!" Tobi hugged his friend and partner then held Nekuro's other hand.

"Kakuzu, you don't wanna come with us?" Madara asked tauntingly.

"Nah, I'm not sure I'm gonna like it." Kakuzu lazily waved his hand.

"Fine. Whatever floats your boat. C'mon, Mom."

The three of them vanished in a blink of an eye. As their existence disappeared from the room, Deidara started to wail again. He wailed even louder than Hidan's twins and he started to annoy all of the members that Sasori decided to give him some hard-core flying kick at his head. Deidara fell with a _badabump_. All eyes rerouted to see Sasori bringing his hands together in a 'problem solved' manner; some were squinting, the rest were purely wide-eyed.

"Just doin' my job." Sasori said coldly.

* * *

The sons and mother arrived in a door-less cave; the only air sources were those four small holes on the wall. Nekuro loosened her grip from her sons' hands. She slowly stepped towards a nameless tombstone right in the middle of dome-like cave. She knelt in front of it and caressed the tombstone's fine-carved edges.

Tobi squatted beside her while Madara remained standing. Tobi opened his mask to let him see the tombstone much better. Tobi's eyes turned sober and its gaze shifted to the ground. He may not see the person himself, but he knew this person very well when he was still Madara's so-thought imaginary friend.

"I can't thank you enough for making him this private mausoleum, Madara." Nekuro's mezzo-soprano voice broke the silence. Her hands haven't untouched the tombstone yet.

"That's the least I can do." Madara replied solemnly.

Nekuro swiped her finger on the stone. "It's clean. You come here often?" she asked, turning to Madara.

"Every month. The last time I cleaned it was one day before you arrived."

Nekuro smiled wryly and blew the almost inexistent dust from her finger. "Looks like he's much more valuable to you than me. I want you to treat me the same way after I die." Nekuro sighed and continued, "I understand how you feel. You never can un-love him. He's just like you: rebellious, ambitious, and strong. Yet he's so polite in his speech. I hardly heard him swear, even for once. It's no surprise if you feel really lost."

"I've taken over the lost. I might be the one who made him lost his life, but I swear I will pass on the torch."

"It was not your fault, Madara. He did it to protect you. Any good parent would." Nekuro said softly and placed her hands on Madara's shoulders. She then hugged her son for the last time and hugged Tobi afterwards. "You don't mind if I depart from here?"

"Sure, no problem." Madara nodded.

"Bye, Mommy! Take care of grandma for us! Oh, tell her Tobi says 'Hi'!" Tobi waved his hand and stood upright.

"OK!"

Madara lifted his left hand and slowly waved at his mother's disappearing figure. "See ya, Mom." he muttered, just right before her face disappeared into air. The twins soon were left alone inside their late parent's mausoleum.

Tobi stretched his back and put his hands together behind his back. He sighed, "Wow…looks like the base is going to be pretty quiet, eh, Madara?"

Madara huffed, "I'm not optimistic. Why do I think otherwise?"

"Madara is never optimistic." Tobi slapped Madara's back as they teleported and arrived on Akatsuki's front door.

"No, I am not. I'm visionary. Now that I'm free from leadership duties, I will become your partner again." Madara smirked. The smirk widened when he saw Tobi's shocked response. "Aw…I thought you love me, Tobi. Yoru can handle herself, don't worry."

"Madara is so mean! Madara makes Tobi confused!" Tobi ruffled his head in disarray. Madara chuckled, looking at him.

"How I love to see you so confused, brother. Your cry of despair sounds like music to my ears." Madara taunted and entered the base. He continued chuckling until the secret hideout reduced their volume. Despite there was no more alien visitor in the organization, looks like Tobi seemed to be right: Akatsuki would be less noisy.

Or…

So they thought…

* * *

**Oh god...It's finally THE END! I'm happy and sad at the same time. For those who just join this story lately, I'm sorry if I disappoint you. This story may have ended, but there is always a SEQUEL. This also ends Nekuro's appearance. Too bad I have no time to develop her further. I have a new project in progress now, and it still Akatsuki-related. There will be a new OC and new craziness. So you better 'Author Alert' me. You wouldn't want to miss the fun, would you?**

**Final thoughts:  
I see a good potential of triangle love between Yoru, Tobi and another person. Umm, sounds interesting... I wonder if you know who am I secretly mentioning here. Don't expect me to answer you. It's a surprise! And about Hidan's newborn twins...I think I'm gonna change their names from Hikaru and Kaoru into something else. I haven't thought about it, so just you wait.  
I don't think Madara is a bad person. In every evil, there's a goodness in it. That goes to Madara as well. As seen here, Madara is actually a brotherly type and a dedicated son. He may be shown purely evil by Kishimoto-sensei, but judging from his age, I guess he stored more than that. Tobi too; he actually knows more than what it seemed from outside. He's actually full of experience, being Madara's alter-ego (that time, in my AU timeline, he was still considered as imaginary friend by Madara) and all but due to his mental damage as explained in chapter 2, he turned into a dimwit.**

**Again, thanks for reading, alerting, favoriting, and especially reviewing this story. All are appreciated. Now, if you excuse me, I have a new project to work on.**

**_Let's roll out!_**


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